A serious moment, if I may.

Last night I found out that a friend of mine, who I met while playing CounterStrike: Source died on the 10th of June this year. Nothing much else to say on it.

He was in a car accident while coming back home from clubbing with who (we think) was his girlfriend. There is no other news on it, my computer was down for a good while and I couldn't play CounterStrike of any form (Fuck you, Nvidia. My drivers were updated and I had DirectX 9.0c, you had no right to stop me playing, bitch) so it was only until yesterday when I found out.

This guy was the first to recognise me on our usual server (UK Training Camp), and was possibly the friendliest guy to grace the server. They say, Only the good die young. This, my friends is living proof. He was a great player and he'll be missed by all. His clan (RAGE), his friends, his family, and the people he talked to on the UKTC server.

It feels kind of surreal to consider him 'dead', but you've gotta move with the times. With him, he'll be fraggin' god and his friends up in the great CS server in the sky.

RIP, Phoentjah. I'll miss you, bud.

You can't spell 'crap' without 'rap'!

When people say stuff like that it makes me turn into a jibbering wreck, you know that? Granted, I'm not exactly fond of rap, but that's beyond the point. The fact remains that it's a pathetic little trend what our 14 year old counterparts seem to lack a rather important intelligence factor. My favourite? That's easy. "You can't spell 'illegal' without 'legal'!". Dear god, kill me now, Amen.

I mean for decades, these words have been circulated... and then some little smart arsed brat comes along and says it, then everybody begins saying it, which eventually forces me to commit suicide. I was feeling pretty down the other day and somebody said "You can't spell 'unhappy' without 'happy' :)". Piss off, you stupid little shit. You can't spell many things without unintentionally saying something else, we're all proud you've realised that spelling one word might actually inadvertantly cause you to spell another word. HOLY SHIT! JUST THEN! I SAID 'ADVERTANTLY' ONCE I TYPED 'INADVERTANTLY'! Now it couldn't be coincedance, could it?

Cockroach.

It really angers me to see people doing stupid shit like that because it gives me cause for concern. It's actually gives us a good look at what mentallity our world is actually coming too, I mean people say "It isn't illegal until you get caught!"... right... so I kill somebody and it isn't illegal until I get caught? Which is what will obviously happen? Wow, it's like... expanding my mind... I feel so enlightened... so if I travel back in time and kill somebody, you could end up not being born and it would make the world a better place.

We hope, anyway.

Really though, it is actually quite disturbing. It disturbs me even more when I'm sitting here, playing a friendly game of Runescape and see some character running down the street with words streaming from his head. Now usually, that wouldn't bother me. However when those words are 'HI IM ADAM ND IM A SNGLE 13 Y/O ND I NEED A G/F WHO WNTS 2 TAK ME ON???/ ;);););)", it begins to worry me.

It actually is scary how fast our morals and standards are going downhill. One minute it's all "sex before marriage" now it's "sex before pubes". I really wish I could carry on bitching but I'm too lazy tobe typing. I think I'll just go and play some Runescape and get banned because I'm slitting a civilians throat or something.

Merry Wintereenmas.

Advertising campaigns make me horny

So over here in Britain we've been fortunate enough to be blessed with Christmas advertising campaigns. However, it can be classed as a godsend. How? I'll tell you. They're advertising practically nothing but watches and perfume. So obviously it's what everybody wants. I even asked my girlfriend about it and she said "YVESSAINTLAURANT PERFUME AND D&G WATCH WHAT HAS THREE DIFFERENT ADVERTS!". I slapped her and told her never to speak that way again. I won that round, bitch.

The D&G watch is by far the most amusing. It's about a minute and a half long and it basically shows a bunch of guys and girls who spent like eighty dollars (American advert, I think) on a pair of socks. How do I know this? THEY'RE ALL WEARING TWO FUCKING WATCHES! Nobody needs two watches to be worn at the same time... surely.

Anyway, after it shows all these kool katz having fun and eating shit it shows a guy standing by a car. A girl who is clearly suffering from anorexia (or is pre-teen) appears from behind the boot (Trunk, to you Americans) with a bag of sexual objects or something. She puts it down and holds our her hand as if to say "Give me that fucking watch you tight fuck" and the guy gives her the crappy analogue watch rather than the nice, shiny D&G watch. What happens? They kiss. Big fucking whoop. Doesn't sound that bad, eh? There are actually another two versions, as I said. One with two men at the end who kiss, and the other with two girls. I mean, seeing all manners of sexual life kiss really makes me want to buy that watch.

The perfume adverts just piss me off. I mean really piss me off. There's one by 'YvesSaintLaurant' (Which is pronounced Eeevs Saraunt. Stupid French fucks) called 'Cinema'. Oh how exciting it is. It shows a really posh, elegant woman sitting on what can only be described as a 'Chez Lounge' (Yes, I realised I probably spelt it wrong but it's a French phrase therefore I care not.) with about six guys around her sitting perfectly still, staring at her. What does she do? No! She doesn't hit them! She doesn't even tell them to go and fuck themselves. She sits there... sapping up the attention... looking at each man. Stupid, snobby cow.

Another is called 'Poison' and it's got a woman pretending to be Lara Croft. She's sneaking up on the bottle of perfume, y'know, as to catch it unawares. She finally gets it and rolls over kissing the bottle and rubbing it on her face (Not the perfume, the bottle)... guess what happens then. Go on! Guess! A Panther comes running up to her! What does she do? No, she doesn't do what any normal person would do and scream. She doesn't even run away... hell, she doesn't even throw the perfume off the Panther and kill it (It's called 'poison' after all...), no. Y'wanna know what she does? She hisses at it. For some strange reason the Panther screams and runs in the opposite direction. What bullshit.

I think the most annoying would be one that tries to use a 'subtle' sex appeal. It's wonderful. No, really. It's great. It's that state of annoying where you literally want to rip your testicles off and gnaw on your own penis. It's some girl (again, possibly an anorexia sufferer) standing before a black screen... which then shines light between her legs as she hits all manner of sexy and suggestive poses. Really, good work there, chief. Now I must go and buy the perfume for my girlfriend so she too can perhaps become anorexic like her and have light shone in her never regions so I can't see what her special bits look like. FUCK YOU!

Really, can't we just stick with the Lynx effect? I mean they know how to make a good advert for the male followers... c'mon, women jumping in water while wearing black underwear? that's good. Women mud wrestling and ripping each others clothes off? That's even better. A woman wearing a corset which exentuates her beautiful clevage? Dear god, TV has never been so good!

In other news, I want to have sex with my younger brothers school teacher.

If you're taking a toy to bed, make sure it's Flirtomatic!

So, I was checking my emails (Thanks for the "OMFG UPDAYT UR BL0G NAO!". It's nice to know you're sending me emails and not CLICKING ADS!) and because Opera has a hard time blocking ads I managed to catch Hotmails wonderful ads. It said, "If you're taking a toy to bed" It had a picture of a woman and a teddy bear. It was rather cute. Then the next part loaded up, "Make sure it's Flirtomatic!"... the picture had changed to an evil looking girl with a ripped and stitched teddy bear.

"Curious," Said I. The impulse to click the ad left after about 0.3 seconds and I checked my emails, and left. Then as I was on my way back to the land of desolate destruction (Opera), it hit me... FLIRTOMATIC! So I quickly did a google search and clicked the appropriate links. What sat before me was an evil temptress, hell bent on getting my information and my 'flirty face'. "Okay. I'll sign up. For the sake of science." and sign up, I did. The registration screen was definately fit for a laugh.

These are the accesories you can grab. Wonderful, isn't it?
http://img515.imageshack.us/img515/7633/ooo8gh.jpg

These are the chat up lines you can use, or you can create your own:
http://img515.imageshack.us/img515/6572/oo4zn.jpg

My favourite is probabaly "Lets DV8!" because it's so much more attractive if you say "DV8" rather than "Deviate", trust me on that one. The chat up line I'm using? The infamous "I have a lvl 100 Charizard. Lets copulate!". Geeky? Yes, but it sure as hell works. Upon trying to.. 'check in', I found out that it's actually a flash type website... so I'm assuming it's a rather shitty Habbo Hotel thing. If that's the case, I'll delete the email the second it comes through.

Tis a strange fate... to be tempted by a flashing ad which involves a whore and a teddy bear. Who would have thought? Who the hell would have thought? I blame the teddy, though. It's always the teddies fault.

Toobis? Fat fuck who has his head up his expansive anus

Now, recently a good friend who is part of the 'internet terrorist organisation' known as 'LUE' quoted something this fat fuck mentioned in one of his rants. For your own mental safety I will not link to his website as suicide may indeed become a rather large, and incredibly tempting option. Apparantly, Toobis inspired all of those blog type rant websites (See Maddox). O rly? NO. For the love of christ, anybody to take anything this fucker has to say serious has severe mental problems.

I've been wondering whether or not he's running a joke site... everytime I read one of his posts (Which usually involves bolded, italicised and capitalised words) it leads me to thinking it is a real site, full of real opinions... eugh. He said he'd been having DEATHTHREATS left on his voicemail ON, I mean ON his CELL PHONE! I swear, if his posts continue, I'm going to go to Canada and force him to drink crates of Slim Fast. Infact, no. I'll make him drink one a day. He'll either starve to death or get incredibly skinny. Either way it's a win for the 'internet terrorist organisation' known as 'LUE'.

It's wonderful. I'm part of an 'internet terrorist organisation'. It really gives you a warm fuzzy feeling inside. Remember, kiddies. LUE is privatised! If you want to be part of an 'internet terrorist organisation' you're going to have to join LUE2 (No, you aren't getting the link to that either because it's sickening). Sadly enough, he either genuinely believes that he is the voice of a nation, or he knows that he's a complete and utter cocksucker capable of basic thought.

Possibly both.

Now really, he thinks that the American army is a bunch of retards trained to shoot weapons. No, not Delta Force. Delta Force is a bunch of Rednecks trained to shoot weapons (Half of them know how to anyway). He said to join the American army you'd have to have the brain of a retard (But apparantly NOT even the American army would sink that LOW!). I wonder... what would happen if the Americans stopped watching over the Canadians?

I hope somebody would walk into Canada and shoot Toobis in the head. Just for the fun of it. Now, I know quite a bit about Canada as a country, and it isn't a bad place, apparantly. With the Americans watching the military side of life, that leaves Canada to deal with issues 'more close to home'. Like simple political issues etc. From what I've heard a lot of Canadians don't even sleep with their doors locked! Lets take full advantage of that and use it to shoot Toobis in the head.

He also repeatedly calls Americans racist. Canadians, however are the cream of the crop! Those nasty Americans just keep being nasty to the big, fat man! So what does he do? Instead of saying "So the Americans are racist towards Canadians..." he decides to say "THOSE damn AMERICANS don't even know WHAT us Canadians HAVE DONE for THEM" and then goes off on a rant about why America sucks. Shut the fuck up.

Really, I don't even reccomend visiting his website. It's the most annoying and downright stupid website you'll ever come across. He has too many contradictions in his website to make it even readable (I mean like Oxymoron style contradictions, y'know, painfully obvious?). Anyway, yeah. I'm part of a terrorist group and Toobis is a fat fuck with his head inserted in his expansive anal orifice.

End discussion.

Kiss, cuddle, finger, fuck.

This seems to be how relationships work these days. I can't remember the last time I actually had a lady do something to me without my doing so first. Is this a good thing? Who know? I kind of like it this way... it's nice to see chivalry still takes some form nowadays. It's quite an erotic prospect.

Y'see in all my years of being sexually active all my woman were rather... well... submissive, I suppose. I don't like change. I like a woman to be submissive. Sexual dominance makes me feel less manly and homosexual and no woman should make a man feel like that. The consequences could be dire.

Seriously, though. I've been with one vaguely-dominant woman in my whole life, and that's who I'm going out with now. I was seeing her about two years ago but we're back together now and no we are not fucking like jackrabbits. Basically, it's her who decides who gets horny, when who gets horny, and how who gets horny. You're toungue tied? Good.

I remember when I was with a girl and we followed the "kiss, cuddle, finger, fuck" method for a long time. "Oh Thumper, lord of all, what exactly is the 'Kiss, cuddle, finger, fuck' method?" well. You're with a girl, you kiss them. You cuddle them... some of the times you kiss and cuddle at the same time. You then insert your fingers into an unspoken orifice... and proceed to copulate.

Believe me, as a male I know what I'm talking about.

Now many females will go "OMG U NOT GON STIK UR FINGA NOWHER BOI!". That's fine. I'm not speaking for all males, this is just how it seems to have worked for me. It's all rather quite unintended; but it sure as hell works. Remember, girls. Not all of us want you for rough, nasty, evil sex. A lot of you want us for rough, nasty, evil sex. Don't be so quick to judge.

Now alot of you are going to be thinking "But Thumper, lord and ruler of all. You always want sex. You do want girls just for rough, nasty, evil sex!" this may be so. However! I, like any other human being, crave attention. The word 'attention' by it's very nature is selfish but I seek personal attention. Attention that a man and woman can share (or which ever other possibility floats your boat), an attention which involves something other than constant rough, nasty, evil sex.

Don't judge me...

Tears of emo ;_;

So today I decided to live my life as an emo. Why? Who the hell knows? I thought it'd be a good experiment. I ran around my house in tight fitting clothes and singing "So long and good night!" etc. It was interesting to say the least, although the latex vagina was highly uncomfortable and rather tight fitting. I experimented on what would make me more emo than anything in the world... and it hit me! I'll put sand in my new, latex vagina!

Now scarily enough it made me into a total emo. After I finished singing the musical classics known as My Chemical Romance, I began bitching about George Bush Jnr and how gay he was. I then started celebrating the invention of razors. I genuinely thought that I wasn't going to stop bleeding at one point.

Eventually I got bored of being Emo and decided to step it up a notch. What was the outcome? I don't know... I put on some purple eyeliner (Obviously it was blended into red to prouce the incredible Emo effect.) and my memories were rather hazy. I remember listening to Blind Guardian... then I remembered crying... then I remembered killing myself for the eigth time on MySpace. The excitement never stopped!

After a while I read my good friend Nirvanas blog. I totally understood about his troubles with girls. I understood it so much I made a comic about it. It was such a wonderful feeling because I thought it got everything I wanted to say but couldn't.

It can be found here.

No, I wasn't bored. It's a beautiful piece of art which I made in an attempt to convey my feelings. Is it really that hard to understand?! You have no right to judge me! I'm too important! You don't know what I've been through in my life! I'M SPECIAL!

FUCK YOU ALL!

It burns like the fiery pits of hell!

Remember kiddies, when masturbating always go at your own pace! If you go to fast you could end up with a very pained penis. I'm speaking from experience... I'm currently undergoing this mind numbing pain at the moment. "But why are you typing if it hurts so much?" well, my pre-pubescant friend, it helps to take your mind off excruiciating pain involving your penis.

I don't know why this happens, all I know is it hurts. Basically you masturbate and it's like a temporary stititus (or however it's spelt). You fap it and the next thing you know is you have your obligatory after wank piss, you go back into your bedroom and go to sit down and something doesn't quite feel right. You can't figure out what... but it doesn't feel right. Then OH FUCKING HELL MY PENIS BURNS! IT BURNS! Scary stuff, I can assure you.

So what do you do about it? Do you take some pills? Drink copious amounts of liquiud? What? In all seriousness, I've no fucking idea. I'm sitting trying to take my mind off it by listening to Sonata Arctica - Wind Beneath My Wings with an old plastic jug we have. Why the jug? Because I've just got up around 4 times to take a piss and nothing came out. So I figured "Why use the energy? Just get something to piss in and empty it when it gets half full or before I go to bed!" win. Sadly my body only really pisses in toilets so it's keeping it in.

Yes. It's still burning.

Seriously, you have no idea how painful it truly is. If you're a guy you should know how you have that little muscle at the top of your penis. Some people call it the bell end, the scientists call it the 'knob'. Well inside you have your urethra and if you squeeze it (gently now...) you should notice the inside feels like a sort of 'bell' shape. Yeah? That's where it's burning. Believe me, you do not know pain, you do not know fear... until you have reached this. I swear the pain is fucking extreme.

For the girls, feel for yourselves. I'll even give you my home address if you need, y'know... for 'scientific reasons'. I'm sure your parents will understand. I'm sure mine will understand... eventually.

Yes, burns like hell. I hope you never experience it for obvious purposes.

You are the wind beneath my wings...

Now this is funny. I was listening to Sonata Arcticas version of "Wind Beneath My Wings". Now don't get me wrong, I absolutely love Bette Midlers version of it. However I love metal a lot more than I do Bette Midler and I had an urge to listen to Wind Beneath My Wings. A friend over at LL said that Sonata Arctica did a version of it... so I was all like "OMGWTFLOLBBQ I MUST HAVE IT!". He hosted it at Yousendit.com and I downloaded it... it's all I've listened to.

Now, I've this nifty little plug-in for my Winamp player, it's exactly what Windows Media Player 10 does! When you're on MSN and you have your "Now playing" feature active, it comes up what you're listening too on Winamp! However... as I said, I've been listening to Sonata Arctica - "Wind Beneath My Wings" all day. Now the tags are broken. I didn't know this! So all it came was "Wind Beneath My Wings". So you can imagine my surprise when somebody starts chatting to me and says "You said in your blog if you do anything Emo could come to your house and kill you.".

Wow... direct or what?

Naturally I enquired about what I did what was remotely 'Emo'. "The song you're listening too sounds Emo. It's like you need somebody to prop you up all the time otherwise you'll fall flat on your face!". What in the holy fucking hell was this guy talking about? I explained to him and he goes off on a rant about how I'm turning 'scene' and trying to fit in like everybody else in the world and that my blog was just the beginnings of an Emo era of my life.

Sigh...

I got all bitchy about it and promptly said "How the fuck am I turning Emo, you stupid fucking tosser?". He replied with "OH FUCK YOU AND GO AND KILL YOURSELF!". He even changed his font to bold for this one. I know he did because he was typing for a while, then he stopped. Then he was typing again... then he stopped. Then eventually (after five minutes had passed) decided to bold the whole thing... and everything afterwards. Apparantly, I get a blog, post in it twice a day and learn programming languages (Not scripts... I know many scripts... actual programming languages...) and listen to Power Metal... I'm suddently an Emo? God damn the musical politics of todays world...

I don't understand what I'm supposed to be doing to be 'scene'... I wear what I like, when I want too. Hell, a lot of the times I don't wear anything at all! I'm sitting in my boxer shorts while typing this. I know exactly what I am... I'm a person, believe it or not. I'm what is known as a "social recluse"... not because I've been rejected from society, because I reject them! Really! I hate people. Not because it's cool or 'scene'... because people constantly stab people in the back and quite frankly, I'm sick of the bullshit. Just yesterday I found out a 'friend' was getting with my ex-girlfriend (Carly, we finished a couple of weeks ago) while I was going out with her! Isn't it wonderful when that happens?

So yeah, I don't leave the house and I'm an Emo. How dare people judge me! For that I think I'll go listen to some My Chemical Romance and Linkin Park and cut myself to sleep. Chester understands... Chester understands ;_;

Homie G strutin' down da back alleee!

God damn it's pissing me off to see all these 'niggers'. Y'know, the black people who strut around with trousers around their ankles calling the white people "Honkey!" and fellow black people "nigaz" or "homiez". It really pisses me off to see black people dancing around with corn rows singing the latest Dr. Dre track or whatever the hell it is they listen to now. I mean come on... there's irritating and there's down right annoying. These guys, believe it or not, fall under both categories. Now I'm sure I've just collpased logic some how, but it's true.

I was walking through town the other day and a black guy in a nicely tailored suit (No, I'm not going to say "HE WUZ ON HIS WAY 2 CORT! LOLOLOLOLOLOLZ!!" so don't think about it.) and a cigar in his mouth. He had rather short, dark hair and a goatee. He walked up to me and tapped me on the shoulder. Now, I'm very judgemental and I always judge a book by the cover. Why? Because I fucking can, bitch. He opened his mouth and I was honestly expecting to hear a well spoken, British voice to talk... dear god how wrong I was. Instead, what eminated from his spammer was "YO HAWNKEH YO WUDNT HAYPEN TO HAYV A LATTER, WUD YOO?!".

I hate life.

I stood there staring at him for about two seconds before saying "Fuck off, tosser.". Have you ever had this happen to you? If you have, don't bother telling me about it. I don't care, I'd just like somebody to acknowledge this painful truth. Black people dressed in three piece suits are not always nice, well spoken men. A lot of them could in all honsetly be 'niggers' in disguise. The NiD. Like MiB only... well, only completely different. The Men in Black run around erasing peoples memories because they've seen an Alien. The NiD go around erasing your memories of anything which was ever good and right in the world.

I assumed this man was asking if I had a lighter. As a matter of fact, I did. However I was not willing to allow somebody to rape my language so brutally to use it. The use of the word 'hawnkeh' can only be derived to 'honkey'... in which case I shall kill him. I've no idea what it means and I don't find it insulting to me as a white male. I do, however, find it insulting to anybody who has ever tried to make this language worth speaking.

This man also decided to play his racism card. "YO JUS CAWZ AM BLAYK, RITE?!"... sigh. Of course, at this point something in the back of my head clicked. I snapped. I wasn't going to take shit from an NiD. Maybe if the NiD was well spoken and could say "Excuse me, you wouldn't happen to have a lighter, would you?", then I'd take shit from him. This one would panic at the mere use of the world... which is why I prayed silently that English would slap him right in the fucking face... and video it. Preferably a good host with a decent download speed. Now that would be quality entertainment.

Anyway, I digress. This guy played his racism card and I screamed at the top of my lungs "NOT SO FAST, NIGGER! ACTIVATE TRAP!". Not really. It would have been awesome though, right? It took me about ten minutes to explain to him that Racism was not pinned soley on black people. I hate everybody equally. Niggers, Spics, Pakis, Commies, Horses. Hate them all. Apart from the French. I fucking hate the French. I started complaining about how so many immigrants were entering the country and helping raise our taxes that little bit more and help to anally rape our economy that little bit more.

Pardon me? More people = better economy? Really? Bullshit. That logic would work if they weren't getting houses, TVs etc for free. The government love to give stuff away to people who just come into the country. The NiD replied to my patriotic remarks to "AWW FUK YOO!" and walked in the opposite direction.

What did I do right? I said "Y'know, racism isn't just locked down to people of different skill colours. I don't like it when Americans, Australians, Spanish, Frogs, Japanese, etc. I hate it when they come to live in my country illegaly. Yes, we do get people from white countries illegaly coming into Britain to set up home and leech off us. Don't take my word for it. Walk down a high street, you'll see it all.

Now I know the technique to it, I can single handedly take down the NiD. Say something to piss them off then rant about it. It's wonderful, I highly reccomend trying it. However after your first two tries you have to either pay me money, click 1000 ads from 1000 different computers, or you can sign up for a lifetime pass (We'll call it the Premium pass. Why? I don't like originality.) for a nice, round some of £500. It's worth it. You can't own NiD without it.

We want YOU!

So this is what it feels like to be on fire?

I'm back. With my computer in the same case. Nothing got blown up or damaged. I know, I know, it's upsetting me aswell. However I did get a little paniced yesterday when my computer refused to turn on... yes, I paniced because my computer didn't turn on. It's boring in this house with the computer, I can't even think about how boring it'd be when I don't even have it. Oh, wait. I think I did cause a little bit of damage to the HDD (Hard Drive to the nubs of you who can't speak sexy). It has to be dualled with another HDD... the other HDD doesn't have to work, as long as it's connected to the MoBo (Motherboard) and it has power going into it, it's happy.

Confused? Good. So am I.

At least it works, right? Anyway, thanks for clicking those ads guys. I got 16 cents! That's right! No, I don't know how much it is in BPS (British Pound Sterling), nor do I want to know. If I talk in American money it makes me feel that little bit richer. It's a wonderful feeling... yay... fuck you, I don't have any money at the moment. Don't judge me.

It's quite interesting seeing how events unfolded. It worked one minute then stopped. Next minute BAM! Working. The other HDD is all like "LOL NO U RNT GONA GET ME WRKN!!" and I'm all like "Bitch, yes I fucking am!". For the record, the HDD won. 80GB and it doesn't even work. I would say that the Power Source was to blame but it isn't... it requires the exact same wattage that the current 4GB one needs (Be quiet, my gaming computer fucked up. It isn't my fault my parents thought it a great idea to buy it...).

Oh well, I'm back.

I may not be back for a while

I'm going to attempt to remove everything from my current desktop PC into one of my numerous towers. Knowing my luck I'll end up blowing the whole thing up or frying the motherboard at minimum... which means one of two things. I get to have fun with one of my old motherboards and play with the CPU... or I can cry like a bitch and go to sleep for once in my life. I'll probably take the latter once I'm content the other two motherboards are completely and utterly non-functional.

However, as much as I know about the Hardware in PCs I don't honestly thinks that I'll be able to do this without blowing something up. I just know it. It's my luck. However, if I don't come back PLEASE click some of the ads. I'm in dire need of money and am currently awaiting an interview for a job. All you have to do is type something into the search engine and click on of the links which'll appear (I think there's usually around 100 at most) it really isn't that time consuming and you'll be helping a guy who has nothing better to do but to type randomness on the internet... it'll make you feel good and your penis will grow by 200%.

Seriously, though. I tried to put something on which wouldn't spam you guys with mass-pop ups and ads. The search function and the Firefox toolbar (which appears not to have worked, I'll mess around with that once I've done posting this.) is the best I could do. So c'mon guys. All you have to do is take twenty seconds out of your busy lives and help a guy out. If you do it for me (I'll know if you have or haven't as I get IP reports on my Adsense account) and you're registered with Adsense, I'll help you out by clicking for a good while before I get bored. Come on, it's not that much of a task. A couple of clicks and you're done.

If I'm back I'll deal with this, if I'm not... well, I'll see you in a bit. I should be getting a computer for Christmas at minimum so I may or may not see you then. If I can get the other computers working you won't see me at all (The gamer in me is screaming for affection) for a long while. So all I ask of you is to click a couple of links for me. The whole Firefox dealie works only once you've downloaded Firefox and booted it up for the first time (I mean that download for the first time. You download it, re/install it. I get paid)... I know... I know... but come on... it won't take that much energy I swear.

Have fun, people. I'll be back soon... maybe.

EDIT: Okay guys, I just went through my Adsense reports and last month I made a whole Dollar USD! Great, guys. Keep it up. Only problem is I'll need a little bit more than that if I'm to actually get the payment, heh. Don't get me wrong I'm incredibly grateful. Just click a bit more, guys. You'll help one soon-to-be-hobo feel happy and loved and warm and fuzzy inside <3

So I was just surfin', kickin', chillin'....

My friend had gave me the MegaUpload adress of the lates Edguy album (Hellfire Club). So I'm all eager to get listening to it and everything but hey, guess what? No such fucking luck. Y'see, every now and again my computer says "I'm slow, I know that. But you need me. You want me... I see it in your eyes." and refuses profusely to load up a webpage when the mouse is static. Which means to load a webpage my mouse must be constantly moving. Today was one of those days. "Maybe the download won't be affected by this?" I said aloud to myself. ...yeah, and Hitler loved Jews. I had to move the mouse at all times for it to even transfer a kilobyte. Jesus... it was terrible. With MegaUploads uber speeds it would take me an hour of non-stop wrist movement to download all of it.

The glory of the internet.

So anyway, I restarted "It should work this time." I hastily, and rather foolishly claimed. No dice. Yay! I get to move my mouse again! *restart* "This time it has to work... by law of averages, it should damn well work! My computer looked at me with pitiful eyes and said "Until you take the crappy, used RAM out of me and replace the floppy drive you aren't getting nowhere, Pal." ...sigh.

I eventually left the computer when my ex-girlfriend (LOLOL SHEZ NOW MY GIRLFRIEND!) came over for a couple of hours. We watched the cinematic masterpiece "Monsters Inc." and then proceeded to kiss. Damn I'm smooth. I digress. Basically with her being here I was all like "Lawl, not today computer! There's a girl in the house!". She leaves, I boot it up. Just now I go to restart the download.... what happens? The fucking download crashed... wouldn't move for love nor money.

I cried. I cried like a babe in arms.

I screamed at it "DOWNLOAD! I MUST LEARN THE LYRICS TO AT LEAST SOME EDGUY SONGS! I MUST!" and the download replied "Fuck you, bitch. This is my turf!". ;_;

However! Before I managed to get it working! 30 minutes ago I refreshed the page and BAM! It started downloading. I was all like "I win! I win! I reign supreme!"... just now? I check on it? Guess what. Fucking froze at 78%. Now I've got to do it all over again.

Fuck you, MegaUpload. Fuck you!

Wouldn't it be great to have a pair of tits?

Y'know, a nice pair of DDs? Hell, even Cs would do me. I mean I'm a male like any other and I naturally crave for some nice chesticles. I used to love a nice, rounded cup o' C. What happened? I got into a relationship which lasted five months with a pair. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't complaining, I'm still not complaining... but I hungered for a pair of nice, juicy, firm boobs. A nice pair of D tits. That's what I needed. I met my ex again. God damn they're good. See that comment? 'Nice, juicy, firm boobs'? Well, that's exactly what they are. Nice, juicy, firm D cup tits.

Me and my friend (Hollow-Hentai FTW!) began talking about breasts. I was wondering about what went on the girls board at the website that doesn't exist (If you don't know what I'm talking about, you don't need to know). His exact sentiments were as follows: "hmmm All we need is a pair of boobs". So what happened? I ventured into unknown ground. "If I had a pair of boobs I'd be happy... very... VERY happy," said I. "Some nice DDs". Why did I say DDs? I don't know. I know they're big which is why I like them. Big, natural tits win. Very much so.

Anyways, I digress. Imagine the possibilities! I could get into the army easy! I could do pushups and use them as a trampoline of sorts. Just hit the floor and bounce. Granted, I'd need to wear wrist protecters otherwise I'd sprain them but dammit, it'd make excercising so much easier! Pull ups? Well... I guess that would be harder. Well... I guess all the bouncing off the floor would toughen them up a little... maybe I could just dangle my tits over the bar and tense? Who knows? It'd sure be fun finding out, though! In fact, my girlfriend is coming over on Sunday, I'll be sure to enquire.

The other great thing about having tits is you could masturbate and have a pair of tits to play with. I mean, how man men can (in complete solitude) wank while playing with tits? I mean big, feminate tits. Man-boobs just don't have the same vibe. Plus, man-boobs aren't nearly as fun. You can bounce womans tits, can you with man-boobs? Yeah! But I guarentee there could be a hole in the floor due to the general force...

Donate money to me and I will personally research big, natural boobs for men. I'll splice those genes somehow.

The most beautiful woman in the world?

Taylor Rain. Hands down. She's fucking fappy. I mean really, there isn't many porn stars you can say this about nowadays but I would happily pelvic thrust Ms. Rain into the ceiling with my wang of destruction. No reason, I'd just like to do it. Plus she's submissive... rawr. Submissive women > Dominant. Why? With a submissive woman you know exactly what you get. Dominant woman do whatever they want when they want to do it. They aren't even the kind of woman you can slap and say "DO AS I SAY, BITCH!". Oh no... they'd kill you if you'd attempt such a vile act of anti-chivalry.

My suggestion. We gang rape Taylor and make a Dominatrix watch. It'd be great. She'd be getting down to stockings and suspenders and getting her finger up in herself and all and then we'd say "Hey, we love you really, Taylor.." then we'd turn on the Dominatrix and cum in her and make that bitch submit. We could kill her. Send her insane.... the thought of being forced into the submissive position would be too much for her... aww poor whore. Should have thought about that before she pulled out her paddle on me! WHERE'S YOUR WHIP NOW, BITCH? EH? Exactly. Too busy having your anus stretched by twenty wangs to care. Slut.

Yeah, Taylor Rain is hot. End discussion.

What's better than suicide? Reality TV!

Reality TV can do some pretty nasty things to your health. It's like suicide only you don't die. You're immediately transformed into a zombie-like being, incapable of all thought processes other than to watch reality TV. I originally thought that it was Britain to blame for the sudden outbreak. Now I realise I'm wrong. Who's fault is it? Jim Careys. That's whos fault it is. For some reason he read the script to the Truman Show and said "Oh, this sounds really funny and original! Let's do it!" look what that fucker has started.

We now have things like Celebrity Love Island, Big Brother, Insomnia (Hopefully they won't do a second series...), I'm a Celebrity, Get me out of here! and other such amusements for our already depressed minds. Insomnia was probably my favourite. A bunch of people don't sleep for a week. Now for gamers that's an easy fucking task! Jesus, we sit up all night playing World of Warcraft or something similar. We know how to stay up for nights on end. We've mastered that skill. Here's the catch. They aren't allowed to do anything which could keep the mind active to that extent. They had a couple of board games and that's it. How extremely exciting.

They had a team of psychologists working to ensure the safety of the contestants. After a week, whoever was awake won. However all of these people had a maximum of two hours sleep... so technically they all lost. They had pity taken on them. They didn't deserve the prize money. They were pussies. "It's okay, if we act tired enough we can get that two hours sleep!" bullshit. I've done that and the worst that happened to me was I started mildly hallucinating. "HOLY SHIT! THAT LOL IS RAPING MY DOG! WTF?!!" good times.

So here's the solution. We fight fire with fire. Lets create our own reality TV show! One in which you win by surviving. It'll be a year long challenge consisting of 52 contestants. Each week we see if they can live by making them defy death. For example: Let's make them bungee jump off a 100 foot cliff with a bungee cord which is only 120 foot long. If you can survive with minor injuries you get food for the 52 contestants! If you don't survive, none of you get food for a fucking week. How'd you like that, bitch? We can also set impossible tasks. An example of that would be trying to collect food for the entire week, for the entire team (which would be the first, so that'd be 52 people times by 7 days equals 364 items of food. One each day. Everything after that is a bonus). Wait for it. You know there's a catch. There is only 7 bits of food! They have to catch their own food. We always wait on them. They need to accept responsibility.

Oh, wait. Here's a wonderful one. Going up against an entire regiment of elite SAS, Delta Force, Navy SEALS and Marines with only four bullets. We'll give them a fully automatic M16 for that one. I hear it's a bitch to control the recoil. Make those bullets last, buddy! You're gonna need them. Think of how wonderful it would be. Just imagine it. Of course there'll be a couple of weeks where we'll just be too lazy to come up with anything so we make them kill their own food. What did you say? Water? Oh, they'll find something to drink.

Everyone who agrees, say Aye!