What's better than suicide? Reality TV!
Reality TV can do some pretty nasty things to your health. It's like suicide only you don't die. You're immediately transformed into a zombie-like being, incapable of all thought processes other than to watch reality TV. I originally thought that it was Britain to blame for the sudden outbreak. Now I realise I'm wrong. Who's fault is it? Jim Careys. That's whos fault it is. For some reason he read the script to the Truman Show and said "Oh, this sounds really funny and original! Let's do it!" look what that fucker has started.
We now have things like Celebrity Love Island, Big Brother, Insomnia (Hopefully they won't do a second series...), I'm a Celebrity, Get me out of here! and other such amusements for our already depressed minds. Insomnia was probably my favourite. A bunch of people don't sleep for a week. Now for gamers that's an easy fucking task! Jesus, we sit up all night playing World of Warcraft or something similar. We know how to stay up for nights on end. We've mastered that skill. Here's the catch. They aren't allowed to do anything which could keep the mind active to that extent. They had a couple of board games and that's it. How extremely exciting.
They had a team of psychologists working to ensure the safety of the contestants. After a week, whoever was awake won. However all of these people had a maximum of two hours sleep... so technically they all lost. They had pity taken on them. They didn't deserve the prize money. They were pussies. "It's okay, if we act tired enough we can get that two hours sleep!" bullshit. I've done that and the worst that happened to me was I started mildly hallucinating. "HOLY SHIT! THAT LOL IS RAPING MY DOG! WTF?!!" good times.
So here's the solution. We fight fire with fire. Lets create our own reality TV show! One in which you win by surviving. It'll be a year long challenge consisting of 52 contestants. Each week we see if they can live by making them defy death. For example: Let's make them bungee jump off a 100 foot cliff with a bungee cord which is only 120 foot long. If you can survive with minor injuries you get food for the 52 contestants! If you don't survive, none of you get food for a fucking week. How'd you like that, bitch? We can also set impossible tasks. An example of that would be trying to collect food for the entire week, for the entire team (which would be the first, so that'd be 52 people times by 7 days equals 364 items of food. One each day. Everything after that is a bonus). Wait for it. You know there's a catch. There is only 7 bits of food! They have to catch their own food. We always wait on them. They need to accept responsibility.
Oh, wait. Here's a wonderful one. Going up against an entire regiment of elite SAS, Delta Force, Navy SEALS and Marines with only four bullets. We'll give them a fully automatic M16 for that one. I hear it's a bitch to control the recoil. Make those bullets last, buddy! You're gonna need them. Think of how wonderful it would be. Just imagine it. Of course there'll be a couple of weeks where we'll just be too lazy to come up with anything so we make them kill their own food. What did you say? Water? Oh, they'll find something to drink.
Everyone who agrees, say Aye!
We now have things like Celebrity Love Island, Big Brother, Insomnia (Hopefully they won't do a second series...), I'm a Celebrity, Get me out of here! and other such amusements for our already depressed minds. Insomnia was probably my favourite. A bunch of people don't sleep for a week. Now for gamers that's an easy fucking task! Jesus, we sit up all night playing World of Warcraft or something similar. We know how to stay up for nights on end. We've mastered that skill. Here's the catch. They aren't allowed to do anything which could keep the mind active to that extent. They had a couple of board games and that's it. How extremely exciting.
They had a team of psychologists working to ensure the safety of the contestants. After a week, whoever was awake won. However all of these people had a maximum of two hours sleep... so technically they all lost. They had pity taken on them. They didn't deserve the prize money. They were pussies. "It's okay, if we act tired enough we can get that two hours sleep!" bullshit. I've done that and the worst that happened to me was I started mildly hallucinating. "HOLY SHIT! THAT LOL IS RAPING MY DOG! WTF?!!" good times.
So here's the solution. We fight fire with fire. Lets create our own reality TV show! One in which you win by surviving. It'll be a year long challenge consisting of 52 contestants. Each week we see if they can live by making them defy death. For example: Let's make them bungee jump off a 100 foot cliff with a bungee cord which is only 120 foot long. If you can survive with minor injuries you get food for the 52 contestants! If you don't survive, none of you get food for a fucking week. How'd you like that, bitch? We can also set impossible tasks. An example of that would be trying to collect food for the entire week, for the entire team (which would be the first, so that'd be 52 people times by 7 days equals 364 items of food. One each day. Everything after that is a bonus). Wait for it. You know there's a catch. There is only 7 bits of food! They have to catch their own food. We always wait on them. They need to accept responsibility.
Oh, wait. Here's a wonderful one. Going up against an entire regiment of elite SAS, Delta Force, Navy SEALS and Marines with only four bullets. We'll give them a fully automatic M16 for that one. I hear it's a bitch to control the recoil. Make those bullets last, buddy! You're gonna need them. Think of how wonderful it would be. Just imagine it. Of course there'll be a couple of weeks where we'll just be too lazy to come up with anything so we make them kill their own food. What did you say? Water? Oh, they'll find something to drink.
Everyone who agrees, say Aye!
posted by Thump at 12:00 pm
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