Text and Cash
Last night I decided to put all of my creative genius into practice. Every last drop of it. Previously I had collected an assortment of painkillers to ensure a lack of any headache. I sat at my desk with a single desktop light. I rolled a cigarette, lit it up and got to work. A cup of tea by my side, every painkiller under the sun and a bottle of whiskey to add to the touch. Don't worry, it was merely a display. I wondered "What could I do to become a rich, famous inventor? I'm getting some income from the Google Adsense* advertisements... but it'll be a while before I get that cheque. What's popular at the moment? I've got it!". It was then when I used the breed we know as 'Emo' (And what the Star Trekkers call 'Aliens') to my own advantage!
Self cutting blades! Touch it and you shall slice your arm open! Perfect! All I would have to do would be to attach an electrode onto it... if I made the blade out of a conductive metal, somebody could touch it. The mere touch of this actively electric blade would send such an extreme amount of electricity through your body and eventually cut your arm. Well, I suppose the words "Tear into flesh" would be more appropriate.
No... Emos won't wait to be cut open. That's just unfair. What about a cereal they could use? We already have the uber gothic "Vampire Cereal" (It's an American brand, and yes there is a Christian website condemning the use of it because of it's satanic forces. More on that little gem later on)... perhaps I could make something for the Emos? Then I remembered a photoshopped image I found on LUE a while back (If you don't know what LUE is, you don't need to know, nub.) which contained 90% added razorblades. Dammit... down once again. However, after the next shot of whiskey it hit me: Emo bread! It serves to the masses and it's useful for everybody else!
The slogan explains the whole thing. Emo bread:It cuts itself!
Beautiful! Wonderful idea! Now how to make it cut itself... in the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy (The book > The film. Anybody who disagrees sucks. I'm always right) we realise there is a knife which toasts bread as it cuts... the only problem with that is one side of the toast would be cold, and nobody likes cold toast. Sadly, I couldn't think of how to make it work. I've thought of everything. Making my own yeast and playing My Chemical Romance to it to depress it, reading out Xangas to give it the true meaning of "angst". Everything. My friend shot my ideas down in flames by saying "It could cause too much damage to yourself. Please don't try it.". Damn. If anybody knows how I could create this wonderous invention I would happily give you royalties. Please, PLEASE share. This idea doesn't deserve to be wasted!
*I mentioned gaining money from Adsense. This would be something I'd like you all to help me with. I'm short of money (understatement). I can't get a job no matter how hard I try, so I fix peoples computers by myself. At the moment there's quite a high demand but unfortunately I don't get half enough money to keep up with the medication I daily need. If I've fixed your computer remember this - your stupidity costs me money.
When I created this blog yesterday, I created it to share my ideas with others and to vent. However, upon creating the last post I noticed a sidebar. It said "Make money with Google Adsense!". Naturally, I thought "Hey, free money!", so I signed up. I was verified and was informed that people could start clicking my ads and I'd get money for it! Great! ...who in the right mind would click these ads? I'll just put them up anyways, I'll think of something.
I didn't.
So I'm asking you, my friends, my family, my fans to do me a favour and click my ads. Apparantly they suck and show up when they feel like. Don't sweat it. Click on them next time you see them on here. All it takes is one click a day. I'm not allowed to know how much one click makes me, but whatever, I get a cheque everytime it hits $50 (which according to my friend doesn't take long). Of course due to my being British - I only get around £28. I'm not asking you for more clicks, I'm asking you to click once everytime you come onto the website if you can.
Peace, love and Enemas.
Self cutting blades! Touch it and you shall slice your arm open! Perfect! All I would have to do would be to attach an electrode onto it... if I made the blade out of a conductive metal, somebody could touch it. The mere touch of this actively electric blade would send such an extreme amount of electricity through your body and eventually cut your arm. Well, I suppose the words "Tear into flesh" would be more appropriate.
No... Emos won't wait to be cut open. That's just unfair. What about a cereal they could use? We already have the uber gothic "Vampire Cereal" (It's an American brand, and yes there is a Christian website condemning the use of it because of it's satanic forces. More on that little gem later on)... perhaps I could make something for the Emos? Then I remembered a photoshopped image I found on LUE a while back (If you don't know what LUE is, you don't need to know, nub.) which contained 90% added razorblades. Dammit... down once again. However, after the next shot of whiskey it hit me: Emo bread! It serves to the masses and it's useful for everybody else!
The slogan explains the whole thing. Emo bread:It cuts itself!
Beautiful! Wonderful idea! Now how to make it cut itself... in the Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy (The book > The film. Anybody who disagrees sucks. I'm always right) we realise there is a knife which toasts bread as it cuts... the only problem with that is one side of the toast would be cold, and nobody likes cold toast. Sadly, I couldn't think of how to make it work. I've thought of everything. Making my own yeast and playing My Chemical Romance to it to depress it, reading out Xangas to give it the true meaning of "angst". Everything. My friend shot my ideas down in flames by saying "It could cause too much damage to yourself. Please don't try it.". Damn. If anybody knows how I could create this wonderous invention I would happily give you royalties. Please, PLEASE share. This idea doesn't deserve to be wasted!
*I mentioned gaining money from Adsense. This would be something I'd like you all to help me with. I'm short of money (understatement). I can't get a job no matter how hard I try, so I fix peoples computers by myself. At the moment there's quite a high demand but unfortunately I don't get half enough money to keep up with the medication I daily need. If I've fixed your computer remember this - your stupidity costs me money.
When I created this blog yesterday, I created it to share my ideas with others and to vent. However, upon creating the last post I noticed a sidebar. It said "Make money with Google Adsense!". Naturally, I thought "Hey, free money!", so I signed up. I was verified and was informed that people could start clicking my ads and I'd get money for it! Great! ...who in the right mind would click these ads? I'll just put them up anyways, I'll think of something.
I didn't.
So I'm asking you, my friends, my family, my fans to do me a favour and click my ads. Apparantly they suck and show up when they feel like. Don't sweat it. Click on them next time you see them on here. All it takes is one click a day. I'm not allowed to know how much one click makes me, but whatever, I get a cheque everytime it hits $50 (which according to my friend doesn't take long). Of course due to my being British - I only get around £28. I'm not asking you for more clicks, I'm asking you to click once everytime you come onto the website if you can.
Peace, love and Enemas.
posted by Thump at 5:05 am
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