NP: "The Maiden and the Minstrel Knight" - Blind Guardian
Now I love these guys. Blind Guardian are in all possibility my favourite band ever. Closely followed by Kamelot, Iron Maiden, DragonForce and Manowar. Now as much as I love them... I just can't get my head around this song. It begins as a nice, slow ballad. "The faithful crowd is gathered here" Sings Hansi. "Soon they will appear". Beautiful. Beu - ti - ful. "The high and mighty show up the king, is in doubts." Uh-oh... the king's pissed. Better get out of the way, he's gonna go to war on your arse! Then it hits you. I'm gonna make another paragraph for this next bit because you can't miss this one.
"Apart from this begger here, there's no one like you my dear, tasting my lips, no one but you and him" ...I see... however, I initially read that bit of the song by thinking it was the king speaking. However it isn't. It is infact the queen. Thank christ... makes a tiny bit of sense now. Still fucking confusing. If you're trying to get your piece of meat you don't say "The only person who knows how good of a kisser I am is you and that tramp over there. See him? *waves* Yeah, I'm having my jollies with him. Damn good, he is." Imagine it. Wouldn't you kill that fucking homeless bitch?
Apparantly the entire song is about a queen and the kings best knight. They fall in love and dance and sing by the fire! The most wonderful part about it is... this guy is a fucking knight! He isn't going to be taking no shit from a tramp! He's waaaaay to hardcore for that bullshit. He has his own sword, dammit! I can see it now.
Queen: Hey, I've just been having rough sex with that hobo.
King: Wonderful. I'm gonna go kill myself.
Knight: You cheating, lying, dirty son of a bitch...
King: Don't worry about it, kid. We all know... wait, what the fuck?
Knight: Err... hmm... eh... well, I was taking the anger away from you so you don't get too worn out.
King: ...hmm... very well, carry on!
Queen: Anyways, I'm gonna go wash the bits of grass and mud from my cunt. I'll see you around eight, Sir. Broadsword *wink*
It's just so wrong it makes my eyes water and my penis shrivel. Why? Think about it... who the hell would want to kiss anybody after you know they've kissed a homeless guy? I sure wouldn't. The thing is she'd have to be fucking him... unless she's a whore there is no way in hell she's going to be kissing a tramp! There is no other reason for it. I can't exactly see a monarchy which consists of a hooker for a queen standing up too long... unless it was an all male civilisation. In which case it would work bloody well. Think of how much money it could bring into the royal court!
In fact yes. I swear... I shall gain enough money, buy a private island and make it incredibly expansive. I'll get around 800 million tons of sand and make it a country. Then I'm going to invite every male to come and live in total peace and harmony. There will be only one... no. Two females. One will be the queen. The other will be my mistress. There will be absolutely no taxes. However I will whore the queen out as my personal income. It'll be the perfect test! If she tries to run off with a knight or a hobo I'll fucking rip those bitches apart and hire a new queen. Maybe I'll even get a transvestite just to make it more interesting.
If you'd like to take part in this experiment, please send me £50 via PayPal, Postal Order or Cheque. You could be fucking the queen in no time at all!
"Apart from this begger here, there's no one like you my dear, tasting my lips, no one but you and him" ...I see... however, I initially read that bit of the song by thinking it was the king speaking. However it isn't. It is infact the queen. Thank christ... makes a tiny bit of sense now. Still fucking confusing. If you're trying to get your piece of meat you don't say "The only person who knows how good of a kisser I am is you and that tramp over there. See him? *waves* Yeah, I'm having my jollies with him. Damn good, he is." Imagine it. Wouldn't you kill that fucking homeless bitch?
Apparantly the entire song is about a queen and the kings best knight. They fall in love and dance and sing by the fire! The most wonderful part about it is... this guy is a fucking knight! He isn't going to be taking no shit from a tramp! He's waaaaay to hardcore for that bullshit. He has his own sword, dammit! I can see it now.
Queen: Hey, I've just been having rough sex with that hobo.
King: Wonderful. I'm gonna go kill myself.
Knight: You cheating, lying, dirty son of a bitch...
King: Don't worry about it, kid. We all know... wait, what the fuck?
Knight: Err... hmm... eh... well, I was taking the anger away from you so you don't get too worn out.
King: ...hmm... very well, carry on!
Queen: Anyways, I'm gonna go wash the bits of grass and mud from my cunt. I'll see you around eight, Sir. Broadsword *wink*
It's just so wrong it makes my eyes water and my penis shrivel. Why? Think about it... who the hell would want to kiss anybody after you know they've kissed a homeless guy? I sure wouldn't. The thing is she'd have to be fucking him... unless she's a whore there is no way in hell she's going to be kissing a tramp! There is no other reason for it. I can't exactly see a monarchy which consists of a hooker for a queen standing up too long... unless it was an all male civilisation. In which case it would work bloody well. Think of how much money it could bring into the royal court!
In fact yes. I swear... I shall gain enough money, buy a private island and make it incredibly expansive. I'll get around 800 million tons of sand and make it a country. Then I'm going to invite every male to come and live in total peace and harmony. There will be only one... no. Two females. One will be the queen. The other will be my mistress. There will be absolutely no taxes. However I will whore the queen out as my personal income. It'll be the perfect test! If she tries to run off with a knight or a hobo I'll fucking rip those bitches apart and hire a new queen. Maybe I'll even get a transvestite just to make it more interesting.
If you'd like to take part in this experiment, please send me £50 via PayPal, Postal Order or Cheque. You could be fucking the queen in no time at all!
posted by Thump at 9:31 pm
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