Can't live with 'em. Can't live without 'em.
This phrase is synonymous with the female gender. I've no idea why, because I can live with and without females. "No, Thumper. That's impossible. You're a male. Everybody knows that males can't live without females..." true. Very true, indeed my random little brain hugger. However I think it'd be a wonderful idea for you to shut the fuck up and think for a moment. Think to yourself... before you could even remember thinking. Before you even had those nasty thought processes shooting around your body. Think this: "How the hell did this incredibly attractive, intelligent young man possibly get such a homosexual fucking nickname?" simple! I had homosexual sex with Bambi when he was a boy. God damn it was great. His tight little... yes. Anyways, moving swiftly on.
I got my nickname because I wrote a rather nasty song about Thumper having intersexual relations with Bambi. God damn it was good. However many people were grossed out by it. That song lays somewhere in the midst of my bedroom. Nobody knows where it is. It is entirely possible that it realised exactly what it was about and decided to spontaneously combust. Either way, it'd be fucking awesome.
I digress. That is how I got the nickname of "Thumper". Because I wrote a song about deflowering a popular disney character. Wonderful isn't it? I get to be individual and a total pervert at the same time. Many people have sparked rumours about how it all started. One of which was that I regularly masturbated to images of Thumper laying it to anybody who crossed his ever so large member. Others said that it was a mixture of two words and many-a pelvic thrusts. I'll give you a clue of how to seperate the words apart. Divide the sililbes by two. Not that hard, is it?
Anyway, once upon a time I met a girl. This girl would change my life forever. In the same way that whore got into that stud and he turned into a total geek. I'd love to say the whole "Stud and geek" thing was an analogy I subtely used to describe myself, but I was never a stud. Now, the best way to describe this girl is the following. Taylor Rain is hot. This girl melted ice, cooked eggs, bacon, chicken and anything else you put on her ample bosom. So what did I do? I filmed her when she was in the shower, y'know flicking her bean, and all of a sudden I'm a pervert?! How the hell does that work?! I was only going to show it to a couple of friends, invite them over for a premierre show, y'know, tr00 Hollywood style. But no, because I did this I'm the worlds biggest pervert.
Psht, whatever. We had our fun either way.
Me and my friend were discussing females the other day (possibly last week at some point) and we decided that it would be a lot easier to be gay. Woman don't listen to whatever men say. All they need some of the time is a slap across the cheek. That usually straightens that bitch out. It's even more fun when you have a forty inch wang. "Hey, honey? We need to-- BAM! Wang to the chops!". However there is no social anxiety about hitting males. Therefore if I was gay I could beat the living snot out of the partner and laugh at him for being a raging homosexual. Then if it gets taken to court and I get jailed, there's a high chance I'll get done for GBH. That means if somebody makes me drop the soap - I rape them! It's perfect!
Inmate: Hey, buddy. You dropped your soap.
Me: Hey, honey? We need to-- BAM! Wang to the chops!
He'd be my bitch faster than you could say "Gary Glitter". Now, as disgusting as this sounds it's the perfect system. If the warden attacks me with his uber tazer I'll just pelvic thrust until my penis gains enough force to knock it out of his hand (Note this will all be done while he's still aiming) and then have my way with him. Why? No reason, I just think it'll be fun.
3 people have read this and 3 people have disagreed with me. You suck.
I got my nickname because I wrote a rather nasty song about Thumper having intersexual relations with Bambi. God damn it was good. However many people were grossed out by it. That song lays somewhere in the midst of my bedroom. Nobody knows where it is. It is entirely possible that it realised exactly what it was about and decided to spontaneously combust. Either way, it'd be fucking awesome.
I digress. That is how I got the nickname of "Thumper". Because I wrote a song about deflowering a popular disney character. Wonderful isn't it? I get to be individual and a total pervert at the same time. Many people have sparked rumours about how it all started. One of which was that I regularly masturbated to images of Thumper laying it to anybody who crossed his ever so large member. Others said that it was a mixture of two words and many-a pelvic thrusts. I'll give you a clue of how to seperate the words apart. Divide the sililbes by two. Not that hard, is it?
Anyway, once upon a time I met a girl. This girl would change my life forever. In the same way that whore got into that stud and he turned into a total geek. I'd love to say the whole "Stud and geek" thing was an analogy I subtely used to describe myself, but I was never a stud. Now, the best way to describe this girl is the following. Taylor Rain is hot. This girl melted ice, cooked eggs, bacon, chicken and anything else you put on her ample bosom. So what did I do? I filmed her when she was in the shower, y'know flicking her bean, and all of a sudden I'm a pervert?! How the hell does that work?! I was only going to show it to a couple of friends, invite them over for a premierre show, y'know, tr00 Hollywood style. But no, because I did this I'm the worlds biggest pervert.
Psht, whatever. We had our fun either way.
Me and my friend were discussing females the other day (possibly last week at some point) and we decided that it would be a lot easier to be gay. Woman don't listen to whatever men say. All they need some of the time is a slap across the cheek. That usually straightens that bitch out. It's even more fun when you have a forty inch wang. "Hey, honey? We need to-- BAM! Wang to the chops!". However there is no social anxiety about hitting males. Therefore if I was gay I could beat the living snot out of the partner and laugh at him for being a raging homosexual. Then if it gets taken to court and I get jailed, there's a high chance I'll get done for GBH. That means if somebody makes me drop the soap - I rape them! It's perfect!
Inmate: Hey, buddy. You dropped your soap.
Me: Hey, honey? We need to-- BAM! Wang to the chops!
He'd be my bitch faster than you could say "Gary Glitter". Now, as disgusting as this sounds it's the perfect system. If the warden attacks me with his uber tazer I'll just pelvic thrust until my penis gains enough force to knock it out of his hand (Note this will all be done while he's still aiming) and then have my way with him. Why? No reason, I just think it'll be fun.
3 people have read this and 3 people have disagreed with me. You suck.
posted by Thump at 10:50 pm
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