Kiss, cuddle, finger, fuck.
This seems to be how relationships work these days. I can't remember the last time I actually had a lady do something to me without my doing so first. Is this a good thing? Who know? I kind of like it this way... it's nice to see chivalry still takes some form nowadays. It's quite an erotic prospect.
Y'see in all my years of being sexually active all my woman were rather... well... submissive, I suppose. I don't like change. I like a woman to be submissive. Sexual dominance makes me feel less manly and homosexual and no woman should make a man feel like that. The consequences could be dire.
Seriously, though. I've been with one vaguely-dominant woman in my whole life, and that's who I'm going out with now. I was seeing her about two years ago but we're back together now and no we are not fucking like jackrabbits. Basically, it's her who decides who gets horny, when who gets horny, and how who gets horny. You're toungue tied? Good.
I remember when I was with a girl and we followed the "kiss, cuddle, finger, fuck" method for a long time. "Oh Thumper, lord of all, what exactly is the 'Kiss, cuddle, finger, fuck' method?" well. You're with a girl, you kiss them. You cuddle them... some of the times you kiss and cuddle at the same time. You then insert your fingers into an unspoken orifice... and proceed to copulate.
Believe me, as a male I know what I'm talking about.
Now many females will go "OMG U NOT GON STIK UR FINGA NOWHER BOI!". That's fine. I'm not speaking for all males, this is just how it seems to have worked for me. It's all rather quite unintended; but it sure as hell works. Remember, girls. Not all of us want you for rough, nasty, evil sex. A lot of you want us for rough, nasty, evil sex. Don't be so quick to judge.
Now alot of you are going to be thinking "But Thumper, lord and ruler of all. You always want sex. You do want girls just for rough, nasty, evil sex!" this may be so. However! I, like any other human being, crave attention. The word 'attention' by it's very nature is selfish but I seek personal attention. Attention that a man and woman can share (or which ever other possibility floats your boat), an attention which involves something other than constant rough, nasty, evil sex.
Don't judge me...
Y'see in all my years of being sexually active all my woman were rather... well... submissive, I suppose. I don't like change. I like a woman to be submissive. Sexual dominance makes me feel less manly and homosexual and no woman should make a man feel like that. The consequences could be dire.
Seriously, though. I've been with one vaguely-dominant woman in my whole life, and that's who I'm going out with now. I was seeing her about two years ago but we're back together now and no we are not fucking like jackrabbits. Basically, it's her who decides who gets horny, when who gets horny, and how who gets horny. You're toungue tied? Good.
I remember when I was with a girl and we followed the "kiss, cuddle, finger, fuck" method for a long time. "Oh Thumper, lord of all, what exactly is the 'Kiss, cuddle, finger, fuck' method?" well. You're with a girl, you kiss them. You cuddle them... some of the times you kiss and cuddle at the same time. You then insert your fingers into an unspoken orifice... and proceed to copulate.
Believe me, as a male I know what I'm talking about.
Now many females will go "OMG U NOT GON STIK UR FINGA NOWHER BOI!". That's fine. I'm not speaking for all males, this is just how it seems to have worked for me. It's all rather quite unintended; but it sure as hell works. Remember, girls. Not all of us want you for rough, nasty, evil sex. A lot of you want us for rough, nasty, evil sex. Don't be so quick to judge.
Now alot of you are going to be thinking "But Thumper, lord and ruler of all. You always want sex. You do want girls just for rough, nasty, evil sex!" this may be so. However! I, like any other human being, crave attention. The word 'attention' by it's very nature is selfish but I seek personal attention. Attention that a man and woman can share (or which ever other possibility floats your boat), an attention which involves something other than constant rough, nasty, evil sex.
Don't judge me...
posted by Thump at 2:32 am
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and the band played waltzing matilda
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