Advertising campaigns make me horny
So over here in Britain we've been fortunate enough to be blessed with Christmas advertising campaigns. However, it can be classed as a godsend. How? I'll tell you. They're advertising practically nothing but watches and perfume. So obviously it's what everybody wants. I even asked my girlfriend about it and she said "YVESSAINTLAURANT PERFUME AND D&G WATCH WHAT HAS THREE DIFFERENT ADVERTS!". I slapped her and told her never to speak that way again. I won that round, bitch.
The D&G watch is by far the most amusing. It's about a minute and a half long and it basically shows a bunch of guys and girls who spent like eighty dollars (American advert, I think) on a pair of socks. How do I know this? THEY'RE ALL WEARING TWO FUCKING WATCHES! Nobody needs two watches to be worn at the same time... surely.
Anyway, after it shows all these kool katz having fun and eating shit it shows a guy standing by a car. A girl who is clearly suffering from anorexia (or is pre-teen) appears from behind the boot (Trunk, to you Americans) with a bag of sexual objects or something. She puts it down and holds our her hand as if to say "Give me that fucking watch you tight fuck" and the guy gives her the crappy analogue watch rather than the nice, shiny D&G watch. What happens? They kiss. Big fucking whoop. Doesn't sound that bad, eh? There are actually another two versions, as I said. One with two men at the end who kiss, and the other with two girls. I mean, seeing all manners of sexual life kiss really makes me want to buy that watch.
The perfume adverts just piss me off. I mean really piss me off. There's one by 'YvesSaintLaurant' (Which is pronounced Eeevs Saraunt. Stupid French fucks) called 'Cinema'. Oh how exciting it is. It shows a really posh, elegant woman sitting on what can only be described as a 'Chez Lounge' (Yes, I realised I probably spelt it wrong but it's a French phrase therefore I care not.) with about six guys around her sitting perfectly still, staring at her. What does she do? No! She doesn't hit them! She doesn't even tell them to go and fuck themselves. She sits there... sapping up the attention... looking at each man. Stupid, snobby cow.
Another is called 'Poison' and it's got a woman pretending to be Lara Croft. She's sneaking up on the bottle of perfume, y'know, as to catch it unawares. She finally gets it and rolls over kissing the bottle and rubbing it on her face (Not the perfume, the bottle)... guess what happens then. Go on! Guess! A Panther comes running up to her! What does she do? No, she doesn't do what any normal person would do and scream. She doesn't even run away... hell, she doesn't even throw the perfume off the Panther and kill it (It's called 'poison' after all...), no. Y'wanna know what she does? She hisses at it. For some strange reason the Panther screams and runs in the opposite direction. What bullshit.
I think the most annoying would be one that tries to use a 'subtle' sex appeal. It's wonderful. No, really. It's great. It's that state of annoying where you literally want to rip your testicles off and gnaw on your own penis. It's some girl (again, possibly an anorexia sufferer) standing before a black screen... which then shines light between her legs as she hits all manner of sexy and suggestive poses. Really, good work there, chief. Now I must go and buy the perfume for my girlfriend so she too can perhaps become anorexic like her and have light shone in her never regions so I can't see what her special bits look like. FUCK YOU!
Really, can't we just stick with the Lynx effect? I mean they know how to make a good advert for the male followers... c'mon, women jumping in water while wearing black underwear? that's good. Women mud wrestling and ripping each others clothes off? That's even better. A woman wearing a corset which exentuates her beautiful clevage? Dear god, TV has never been so good!
In other news, I want to have sex with my younger brothers school teacher.
The D&G watch is by far the most amusing. It's about a minute and a half long and it basically shows a bunch of guys and girls who spent like eighty dollars (American advert, I think) on a pair of socks. How do I know this? THEY'RE ALL WEARING TWO FUCKING WATCHES! Nobody needs two watches to be worn at the same time... surely.
Anyway, after it shows all these kool katz having fun and eating shit it shows a guy standing by a car. A girl who is clearly suffering from anorexia (or is pre-teen) appears from behind the boot (Trunk, to you Americans) with a bag of sexual objects or something. She puts it down and holds our her hand as if to say "Give me that fucking watch you tight fuck" and the guy gives her the crappy analogue watch rather than the nice, shiny D&G watch. What happens? They kiss. Big fucking whoop. Doesn't sound that bad, eh? There are actually another two versions, as I said. One with two men at the end who kiss, and the other with two girls. I mean, seeing all manners of sexual life kiss really makes me want to buy that watch.
The perfume adverts just piss me off. I mean really piss me off. There's one by 'YvesSaintLaurant' (Which is pronounced Eeevs Saraunt. Stupid French fucks) called 'Cinema'. Oh how exciting it is. It shows a really posh, elegant woman sitting on what can only be described as a 'Chez Lounge' (Yes, I realised I probably spelt it wrong but it's a French phrase therefore I care not.) with about six guys around her sitting perfectly still, staring at her. What does she do? No! She doesn't hit them! She doesn't even tell them to go and fuck themselves. She sits there... sapping up the attention... looking at each man. Stupid, snobby cow.
Another is called 'Poison' and it's got a woman pretending to be Lara Croft. She's sneaking up on the bottle of perfume, y'know, as to catch it unawares. She finally gets it and rolls over kissing the bottle and rubbing it on her face (Not the perfume, the bottle)... guess what happens then. Go on! Guess! A Panther comes running up to her! What does she do? No, she doesn't do what any normal person would do and scream. She doesn't even run away... hell, she doesn't even throw the perfume off the Panther and kill it (It's called 'poison' after all...), no. Y'wanna know what she does? She hisses at it. For some strange reason the Panther screams and runs in the opposite direction. What bullshit.
I think the most annoying would be one that tries to use a 'subtle' sex appeal. It's wonderful. No, really. It's great. It's that state of annoying where you literally want to rip your testicles off and gnaw on your own penis. It's some girl (again, possibly an anorexia sufferer) standing before a black screen... which then shines light between her legs as she hits all manner of sexy and suggestive poses. Really, good work there, chief. Now I must go and buy the perfume for my girlfriend so she too can perhaps become anorexic like her and have light shone in her never regions so I can't see what her special bits look like. FUCK YOU!
Really, can't we just stick with the Lynx effect? I mean they know how to make a good advert for the male followers... c'mon, women jumping in water while wearing black underwear? that's good. Women mud wrestling and ripping each others clothes off? That's even better. A woman wearing a corset which exentuates her beautiful clevage? Dear god, TV has never been so good!
In other news, I want to have sex with my younger brothers school teacher.
posted by Thump at 6:46 pm
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