Donnie Darko *spoilers from start to finish*

Now, I've had my doubts about this film. I expected it to be something completely different to what it was. After about three years of constant nagging from my cousin, Dominic, and numerous other people, I finally caved. I got hold of a copy of the film and played it. From start to finish. Jesus fucking Christ... I decided against watching Pirates of the Carribean for the exact same reason. I finally see it and man... the film blows my mind. It happens 95% of the time... the irony in the whole thing is when I was actually watching it the first time around, I didn't know what the fuck I was watching. So, I checked imdb.com and found out it was a 'psychological thriller', in a sense. Fucking great.

See, I'm very quick to judge. If I like a film, I can tell in the first ten, twenty minutes. If it's a long film like Lord of the Rings or King Kong... I'll give it a while. However, Donnie Darko... it wasn't that I was enjoying the film... oh no. There was something about Donnie. The way he acted, talked... those little insecurities. It intrigued me (like all good psychological thrillers should), however it didn't pique at my interest as such... oh no... as pathetic as this is going to sound - I actually felt I could relate to him.

I asked around to check if I was infact, a total and utter lunatic and no, others have said the same. The film was written in such a way, it grabs you and finds a way to draw you in, something you've experienced, maybe somebody you know has experienced... who knows? But the film is written in a way to draw you in; lure you into the trap. Now being able to relate to a character in a film is one thing... feeling his emotion is something completely different. I remember a lot of my life and I acted precisely like Donnie. I know, I know, it's hard to explain. However I did. Can't deny it. People'll probably vouch for that if asked.

Enough of this.

I've been meaning to re-watch Donnie Darko and see what it was what hooked me. When I first watched it, I was under some emotional strain. I still am... I can't deny it, people who don't know me can see it in my eyes. I am not too 'stable' right now... I'm thinking clearly, but it's just these random bouts of depression, angst, whatever the hell you'd like to call it. Today was one of those days. I'd had a rather interesting topic about, well, damn near everything with a friend of mine (Katie) in the afternoon. Seeing as I'd had no sleep, it kind of added to the whole effect. Something I'd like to say about Katie and Feigh, too. I haven't really talked to Feigh 1-1. I've talked to him on a message board a couple of times, but that's it. However when I talk to Katie... she brings out a good side in me. Something very few people can. Today me and her discussed art. Various different techniques... our preferences... hell, I even stopped being the typical 'womanising' Thump and admitted I liked to draw woman because of the shapely figure. I'd just like to say that you've done what only two people have done before... you've done a bloody good job, Katie :)

Digression over.

With Donnie Darko, though... a lot of it confuses me... as it would. Psychological thrillers generally are mysterious in nature. That's the whole idea of them. They're psychological, you end up missing subtle little things which, well, generally you wouldn't usually miss. However, I made a very big mistake today... I watched Donnie Darko, from start to finish, while going through a little depressive bout. I know what brought it on... I guarentee that you people don't. Y'see, incase you haven't watched this film but you're reading this regardless of the spoiler warning, Donnie Darko is absolutely not the film you'd want to watch while depressed... it picks at your mind too much.

So anyway, I was watching it again while being rather angsty and emo. A couple of times I realised that maybe it was how he didn't particularly pay attention in class what drew such a clear image of myself? I never used too. I got too arrogant, I have brains, these people are catering for the bastards who prevent others education... why the hell should I follow suit? On hindsight, I know it to be a mistake... but it's too late to contemplate the moral ramifications now. Maybe it was the fact that he saw things that existed in his head that attracted me to the personality? I'm always interested in psychology, this isn't gonna be any different.

Then it came to the last couple of hours. I realised what it was about the entire film what kept gnawing at me and keeping me coming back for more... it was the girl.

Those of you who have seen the film know that the girl (Bridget? I dunno) and Donnie get together... on Halloween. I know damn well what happens afterwards, but when watching a film like Donnie Darko - you don't care. I swear, everytime I watch it, it's like a new film (Remember how I said there's always subtle things you miss? You miss a hell of a lot of them). Well, when they started kissing that's when it hit me... the passion. One of the seven deadly sins and one of the most lethal things to a relationship. However, with this particular passion... there's a slight twist. It's passion by both parties, a passion which can only be exceeded by hearing your lover whisper "I love you" in your ear.

Now, I've had the 'passion'... I've had people tell me they love me... however what I haven't done is had that moment. The moment where you don't speak of it... it just happens. A kiss turning into more. I've had one night stands where a kiss turned into damn near everything, but that's all that is. Lust. It isn't poetical, it isn't beautiful, it isn't graceful... it's being a slave to your emotions. Which is a product of fear mirite?!

Seriously now. I'm 16. You guys know this. However, I'm a 16 year old with the mind of an 18 year old. You name it, and the chances are I've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and gave it a fucking lapdance for good luck. This is the point where Thump is being serious and the number which verifies the amount of 'years' (time is non-linear, I don't believe it to be linear) means exactly nothing. I've had sex, who the fuck cares? That was always my attitude. Then I grew up and realised that the people who do care, is the girl... I've had non-verbal propositions... I've given non-verbal propositions... however to be able to start kissing and for your partner to realise "We both want it."... I've never had that.

Maybe it's jealousy? I'm jealous of the psychopathic guy on the TV, right? Wrong. I'm not jealous... I've nothing to be jealous of a fictional character. However, it does annoy me how the writers can put that into the script and make it jump out of the TV and say "Admit it... you would kill to have this contact with a female."... that's something special. Granted, I probably sound like a raving lunatic due to complete digression and no sleep... but I know what I'm saying. I get bored easily during relationships... I have this toy I can swing around and play with. Quite frankly, I don't care about it. Sad, isn't it?

Here's where the story really kicks in.

I've made a lot of mistakes... too many, in fact. One I may have made today (don't particularly want to get into it at the momet). Certain mistakes I've made wasn't due to fault of my own. It was due to the fault of others causing me to make these mistakes. I mean, if somebody puts a knife in your hand and forces it into somebody - you aren't the murderer. You didn't do it of your own free will, therefore you couldn't have committed the crime, right? In a perfect world, yeah. That'd be just about right. However speaking on moral terms - you aren't the one in the wrong.

I made a really big mistake not too long ago. I spoke the truth. I have a heart so that heart should be expressed the only way I know how. Verbally, or by pictures. Seeing as I woke up and realised that what I was doing wasn't doing me or her any favours, I immediately set back to correcting them. Remember how I said 'this is where the story kicks in'? I'm jealous, of that fictional character; Donnie Darko, because he had the ability to change the lives of him around him. He corrected his mistakes at the price of his own life. Bittersweet, isn't it? See, the thing is. If I could correct all the times I've made people cry... my family, my friends, my lovers, everybody. My life would be a very small price to give.

The irony about it all is this: Giving my life would only result in more tears. Therefore the act of death would be pointless... because those who loved me would have trouble letting go of me. Letting go of the belief that one day, I might come over to their house and say "Dude, you'll never guess what I did last night...". I know, I've been there before. I've also been at the point in time where I've had such a grievance, the person isn't dead - yet I expect them to come over anyways. I'm sure you've all experienced this. It's like having a dream where you have something, you wake up and go for it but then you realise that's all it was. A dream. Such sweet irony, I find.

All who live, die alone.

I have come to the swift conclusion that Performance owns

Basically I found this extension for Firefox. See, they caught me with "BLOGGING FROM FIREFOX!". I looked at it, clicked it, downloaded it, restarted Firefox, and hey! It works! Even when Blogger.com is down for maintenance! Now the only thing what's fucking me up on this... it's a tiny little problem. I don't know how many lines on this thing constitute a paragraph. So I apologise for any wall of texts or shrubs of text you may come across in this post.

It is pretty snazzy, though. I mean who would have thought that an extension in a browser could possibly create... well, publish a post on a web blog? Of all things? I mean, obviously, it's pretty basic... but I find it kind of fuckin' snazzy. I've never coded anything major, when I have they've just been little tidbits I've been messing around with (calculators and such. Nothing of any serious use). I mean theoretically I could hack a blog on blogger.com through this... a little tweak here, a little tweak there and BAM! Brute force'd. It seems possible... could it be? Who the hell knows? I'm too lazy to actually do anything nowadays. Maybe masturbate or switch songs, but that's it.

Talking of being lazy, that's all I can be arsed to type. It's 8:03am and again, I've had no sleep. Sleep time.

I'm doing this because I can't post via blogger.com

Does it work? FIND OUT NEXT TIME!

This is just a test

I got a new firefox plugin which allows me to update without actually physically logging onto Blogger.com. So yeah. Test and such.

After this I will be shut down. Goodbye.

So I was working on my comic (The reason I haven't been updating as much as I'd like too. I'm drawing, figuring out the new Photoshop and then I'm drawing more comics) and I realised that I'd ran clean out of ideas. I knew I was in deep shit around this point. I'm planning on starting a webcomic and I run out of ideas after the second comic. This can't be good... it can not be good. I started reading some CAD to inspire myself. Oh look... look at that news post... it's about Kuja. A member of GameFAQs, MGS.0rg and a website which will never be mentioned because it doesn't exist.

It's nice to see his suicide is getting so much attention. He even got a mention on Wikipedia. However one thing sickened me... the second half of this news update by Tim Asbath (The creator/drawer/animator of CAD). You can find the news article here. I won't paste it here because that'll give Mr. Asbath one less hit and for the work he does, he desrves every hit he gets.


Can you see what Jack is doing? He using the death of a gamer as a reason to further his cause. How christian is that? "Look, Jesus! A guy just killed himself! What do we do?" "Don't worry, I have a plan. We'll use it to spread the word about Christianity! That's the correct thing to do!". From now on, this entry isn't a nice, personal thing between me and you guys. I'm writing this as a statement to 'Mr.' Jack Thompson himself. And believe me, I'll make sure he reads it.

I have been playing games all my life. Since I was old enough to have functional hand-eye coordination, in fact. My first taste of a games console was a Sega Mega Drive (Genesis in the States). The first console I owned was a Sega Master System. I've went on to own the following list of games consoles (in order):

Sega Master System
Sega Mega Drive
Commadore 64*
Amstrad CPC464*
Nintendo Entertainment System (NES)
Gameboy Colour
Sony Playstation
Nintendo 64
Nintendo GameCube
Microsoft XBox
Sony Playstation 2

(*While these are generally seen as computers, I used them for gaming as I owned none of the peripherals)

Eleven consoles. One of which was handheld. I also owned a 'Pong' system, though it isn't included because it is only one game in a system built specifically for that game. Now I know in this blog I have joked about killing and injuring other people, guess what? That's all it is. A joke. I would never, nor could I ever injure another human being or another species because I am not a violent person.

I absolutely love reading about you. Really, it touches me in such a way. I game, I write music, I play music, I sing and I write novels. That's correct. I write novels. Not graphic novels or anything else you can twist my words into. I write novels. A lot of words, a lot of pages. You know what they are. Now, here's the fun bit. In order to write novels I must have a generally high understanding of the English language, not only that, but I must understand how to use grammar correctly. Therefore your 'masturbatory' statement is void. You implied that, not only do we assume the meaning of words, but we also have trouble reading... it isn't difficult to pick up a dictionary and search for a word. You said us 'gamer types' could not.

Now, you'll be thinking "But your grammar is atrocious! You could not write a novel for the life of you!". Well, I have one response to that. Welcome to the internet. On the internet we portray our emotions and such through words. For many it is time consuming and an annoyance to write in full English grammar. For me, I type faster when I'm typing properly. I can't type anything less. However, to save time, or to portray how I would say a certain sentance, I'll throw in a couple of punctuation marks. Is it illegal? Nope. Is Slander? Yes. Yes it is.

Being a lawyer and all, you should have a good idea of what the word 'slander' means. Now, I'm not a lawyer, however you have accused others of things they have no control over. Penny Arcade did not 'extort' anything. They did not 'extort' you, they did not 'extort' me, they did not 'extort' William Shakespeare. I'm glad you stopped that little gimmick. Really, I am. Now what am I doing? Libel, right? I mentioned 'Slander', so because I'm using what I've read about you this entire blog will be libel. I've got a feeling you'll try to pull that one on me.

People who play games like Grand Theft Auto or Postal and then go out and kill are absolute retards, you should know this. People who have the ability to play a game and understand that it is just a game don't do that. People who take influence in ultra-violent video games have serious mental problems. I'm not saying that so I can say "HAY I M SM4RTA DEN DEM!", I'm saying it because it's true. They obviously don't have the mental capacity to actually argue against there will and instead listen to the nice man tell them to go and kill Tommy Vercetti or whomever.

Now, what really annoys me about you is the following. You are a mentally sick man. You use somebodies discontent, and eventual suicide, for yourself. You rake in the media while you can. You hear about it and say "Yeah, well. That's what he gets for playing video games.". Well, hey. Guess what? You're a twisted old man. He wasn't happy with himself, so he took the only oppurtunity he could think of, which was ultimately suicide. Can you not understand that? From my memory he wasn't a religious person. I can't remember him saying anything to do with religion, therefore he didn't choose to fill the 'void' with god. Personally? I fill the 'void' with books, music, knowledge and games. You? You appear to fill that 'void' with direct insults to other people.

It absolutely sickens me to read any of that decrepid filth which regularly spews from your mouth. So, Kuja killed himself (I knew him as Kuja, I'll continue calling him as such). He also played an incredibly popular action game called Metal Gear Solid. Have you even played this game? It's the deepest video game I've ever played in my life (maybe with the exception of Fallout). Incase you didn't know; Konami began the MGS series way back in '88 for the Nintendo Entertainment System; the NES. It was released in Japan for the MSX in '87. This is important because Metal Gear 1 and Metal Gear 2: Solid Snake are the beginnings in this game.

Note: Technically there was a sequel to MG1 called 'Snakes Revenge', however because of the crappiness of it, it's rarely considered a true sequel.

Now, Metal Gear 1 and 2: Solid Snake are damn good games for their times. Do you know what the underlying message in the entire series is? It's all anti-nukes! Wow! Not only is it anti-nukes, it gives out factual information to back up statements. It's a fun way to learn. After the NES predecessors, Konami decided to utilise the power of the Sony Playstation. Along comes Metal Gear Solid. Again, very anti-nuke. Possibly one of the most anti-war games I've played. Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty came along and introduced tranquilliser weapons. They have then been followed through into MGS3: Snake Eater and I guarentee we'll be doing the exact same thing in MGS4: Guns of the Patriots.

Now, you're probably thinking "How is this relevant?". I'll tell you, Jacky-boy. Metal Gear Solid is a game based around facts. The information you recieve from the game is true. It's interesting, it's a fun addition to the game. Yes, believe it or not, Jack, the only reason there is a storyline in the game is to keep you coming back! Such a revolutionary idea, don't you think?

The fact of the matter is; MGS didn't force anybody to commit suicide. It's a fun game with a lot of history. GTA (as much as I dislike the game), didn't force anybody to kill another person/animal, same goes for Postal. I'm yet to hear of somebody using a cat as a silencer. Maybe there is a connection between video games and violence. Who knows? I've an idea. How about you set up a scientific experiment? I'll volounteer. Hell, I'll even shake your hand with respect for doing this:

Say about 15 people (Of varying ages. Say 16 to 25) come along for this little 'experiment'. We are fitted with monitoring devices so you can see how our brain is reacting to what we're taking in. You give us a book (A nice classic... something like Jane Eyer or To Kill a Mockingbird) and we read it for say... an hour and a half? Once we've finished reading, we'll go and get something to eat/drink and relieve ourselves. Then we come back, complete a survey about how we feel. Then! Then what do we do? We play video games!

We'll each have a nice selection of games from different companys and consoles. I have an Xbox and a PS2 (I sold the GameCube), I'll bring mine along for you. You choose the games. For arguments sake lets say... Grand Theft Auto, Postal 2, Metal Gear Solid 3, Katamari Damacy and Guitar Hero. Played in a completely random order, or whatever. It's all your choice. Then we take another survey. Between each game we get a chance to have something to drink/eat/relieve ourselves, whichever you feel best. If the tests come out saying that violence does indeed stem from video games... I'll hold my hands up in shame and say: "You were right. I'm sorry for saying a bad word against you."... however if the test comes back negative. I'll hold my hands up and say "You, my friend, loose. On many, many levels.". Deal? You do this for me... you're a lawyer, you have the money, and you will hold at least some respect.

Have fun.

Habbo Hotel: The biggest gathering of 'tards on the net.

So, the internet terrorist organization known as 'LUE' invaded Habbo Hotel yesterday. All we wanted to do was rap... but no, we got kicked out because they're bastards. Anyways, after about 30 minutes of typing lyrics to Bohemian Rhapsody. We decided we'd start singing the HBK theme tune. We got half of it out and got kicked. Eventually the stupid wigger fucks trying to act black put a password protection on the room so we were all like :(.

We met up at the LUElinks HQ to discuss our movements. Tactically. We went over to 'Rooftop Rumble' and decided it to be a good idea that we should randomly block the door. Anyway, we got banned (I wanted to go swimming!). I made a new account (Damn good IP bans you have there, fucktards) and went back to Rooftop Rumble. Somebody mentioned about a job and I was all like "OMG YA RLY JOB 3 MUNEEZ?!", he said "Yeah, you get payed.". I could barely contain my excitement.

I went to the place they wanted me to be (Crimez M.A.F>I.A) and found it to be the funniest thing I ever witnessed. I tried to take it seriously but 'mr.crimez' put me off a little too much. What with all the "Yes, boss" bullshit. He's a boss of people on a 'chat room' of 12 year olds. What an honour. What a fucking honour. Now, I found a neat little teleportation device. They didn't take into account the fact that I gave myself rights and blocked everywhere from them. Let's just say "Boss wants you to go" means "I'll leave, come back in five minutes time and move everything and fuck it all up.". Guess what? That's exactly what I did.

Dunno how they found the place when they got back. I imagine it'd be pretty funny. So anyway, I left for a while and saw another topic... about a wedding chapel... on Habbo Hotel. Oh fucking hell, this is way too good of an oppurtunity to miss. I quickly found it and became the priest. After marrying a couple of people to a cat (Promiscuous pussy) I got bored and knocked the alter over. BAM! KA-POW! SMASH! I pwned u nigaz real gud!

However I did realise in my short stay at the Hotel, that all people who regularly use it are fucking retards. I mean cock smoking, rectally minded retards. Y'know those people who mutilate there own penis? Think of that. The people who go onto Habbo Hotel mutilate their own penis. And vagoos. At the same time. Fucking disgusting, isn't it? Oh wait, I might get attacked by the Habbo'tards. What can I do? I've an idea, take my blog down and delete their comments! Yay! Then! Here's the best bit. I BRING IT BACK UP! How awe inspiring.

Y'wanna know the best bit? I got to see how people who use Habbo get girlfriends. It was an interesting... experience to say the least. To see little kids running around and saying "HAY IM 13/M/CA ND I NEED A G/F DO U WNT 2 B IT???/". I'm not making this shit up, guys. This is the honest truth. I saw this about twenty times in an hour. You do the math. Holy shit, if it was that simple, I'd be great!

HAY GRLZ IM 16/M/UK ND I NEED A G/F DO U WNT 2 B TI???/

All applicants will be entitled to rights such as: Cleaning dishes, cleaning clothes, cooking, shutting the fuck up, sleeping, having sex with me and only me, giving oral sex, doing kinky things with hair curlers, washing the house, birthing, fake orgasms and the most important anal sex.

You can contact me at youare@fuckingretard.com

GOGOGO!

Hey, dickhead!

Yeah, I'm talking to you. 'The Reaper of Souls'. What the fuck is that, anyway? Some sort of fucking stupid southern American racist bullshit? Or some attempt at being 'hardcore' and 'gothic'. I know for a fucking fact you'll say 'omg but i fort its ownedid gud' Yeah? Well YOU WERE FUCKING WRONG!

Was that a good enough mention?

It's called 'chewing gum' for a fucking reason.

Today I was making myself a cup of tea, which I think is pretty fucking awesome, and as I was pouring the water I heard "CLICK!". Holy fucking hell, I nearly shit myself! Seriously, I nearly knocked the cup clean off the desk. I put the kettle down and investigated with a rather large knife. Then I saw it... dear god, a packet of chewing gum. Oh god! STAB! STAB! STAB!

I heard it again... mocking me... taunting me... being really nasty. So I hurridly made finished making my tea, amongst a sea of "CLICK!" and took cover in my bedroom.

Seriously, though. What the hell is it with people doing that shit? It's called Chewing gum for a reason! If you want to blow bubbles with it and make stupid sounds with your mouth, give a blowjob to fifty men and you'll be sorted. Or you can gargle bleach, either way, it'll be fun! The alternative to that would be drinking Pepper Spray. It doesn't really taste like pepper, I swear. Really! Now go and do it and cheer us all up.

I've never understood why you'd do that, though. You go out, you buy a load of chewing gum and then learn to click with it... what the fuck? You buy it for the flavour, dammit! You take a day or two out of your life to learn how to make retarded clicking noises with substances in your mouth. Well done. Now what do you get for it? Are you more attractive because you taught yourself to do it with semen? I'll tell you what it will gain, though. A free emergancy dentist appointment! "But there's nothing wrong with my teeth, Thump!" I hear you say. Yeah, there isn't anything wrong with your teeth. Yet.

Blowing bubbles confuses me the most. I used to do it as a kid, but then stopped once I bashed my head off the wall and gained some fucking common sense. My dad used to say "Stop doing that, have you got any idea what amount of shit there is in the air? You'll be chewing on that now.". I used to reply with "It's the same 'shit' you're breathing in, wankstain.". Strangely enough, he never used that line with me again.

I don't get it, though. Girls walking down the street, their skirts hiked up so you can just see their panty line, wearing boob tubes. Y'know, the whores of the nation. Well, I'll be sitting there, looking at them saying "Dear god, I'd fuck her into next millenium." then I'll see a blue bubble appearing from her mouth and I'll try and kill her. Lady's? If anything; blowing bubbles make you look like a pre-teen fucktard with half a braincell between you and five of your companions.

It's even better when I see a guy walking down the street. He looks so macho and manly... then BAM! Blue bubble! Wow, well done. Now I want to hurt you. You've emasculated everything you had, now you look like a puff. I'll give you ten for effort, though. You must have your boyfriend under complete control with his constant begging. "OH PLEASE, MR. ICANBLOWABUBBLE! TEACH ME HOW TO BLOW BUBBLES! I'LL GIVE YOU HEAD!" Ingenius, really.

In summary: Stop blowing bubbles and making stupid fucking clicking noises, you stupid tosspot.

The time... it is upon us...

I've been toying with the idea of starting a webcomic for quite a while (Remember my 'Tears of Emo ;_;' update? Yeah.) and the other day I decided to start planning one out... but ended up playing HL2 instead. You know how it is. At some point last night I had a brainwave. Was an orgasmic experience and I reccomend you try to achieve this at least once in your life.

Two guys... living together... one is a punk, who refuses to believe punk sucks now... the other? A power metaller who sits at home playing games and reading all day... it practically writes itself! But yeah, PSO fucked up for me and when I finally had the energy to restart, I couldn't be bothered to fight 80 monsters to power up to level 4. Oh well.

I began to design faces/bodies etc. I took parts from my favourite webcomics (CAD/LICD/VGCats etc.) and threw it into one. It was terrible. So I took my favourite webcomic (CAD) and decided to recycle it! What came out was a mixture of hatred and angst. So I strapped on the latex vagina, poured in the sand and went into a world of angst, depression and suicide.

Really, I'll tell you the story without digressing now (I've had no sleep, fuck off). I started drawing and liked what came out. When I realised I couldn't be bothered with a 'normal' hairstyle, I threw a mohiekan on the guy and the Punk was born! It rocked. Then, when I was explaining the idea to my cousin Dominic, the idea of the Power Metaller came into it. I had a couple more brainwaves, lay back, had a cigarette and I was ready to be creative!

I designed the two main characters and came up with a plot twist (initially an idea for a strip which evolved, basically) and out came the drawings. I have rough sketches for two strips at the moment (and I mean 'rough'... one may work, but it's mainly a prototype for the moment.). I tried to get me some Photoshop going in this hiz-house but to no success. Oh well. At the moment it may be in black and white (unless I can convince Orlock or Feigh to colour it, but I don't really feel like asking people to do much for me.).

A quick FAQ about the webcomic:

Where will it be hosted?

Well, I have one person who offered to host it (A girl I met on LUElinks with the username Wolfy.) and another who may just be kind enough to offer some webspace (An old friend called Wes. He's the only person who has been on my contact list for this long who isn't family.). If not, I'll create another blog on here so it's easily clickable, copyright the images and throw them onto a domain when I finally get one.

What will this webcomic be called?

I have no clue. I'm still designing it at the moment, however I may go for something cynical... or I may not! I might just take submissions, the winning one will be the one which is short(ish), easy to remember and can make me laugh (more difficult than you might think).

Will I have to pay to see the webcomic?

Absolutely not. I will run a couple of ads (just the Google search bar and the Firefox one, mainly. I might throw in the Google ads bar but it's doubtable) I'll try my best to keep it popup free (If Google Adsense is making popups, tell me.). If there is any popups at all, inform me immediately and I'll see what I can do. There will be a download box, but that will mainly be for help hosting the website.

How are you planning on creating the webcomic?

Well, I'm going to be drawing it onto paper, scanning it onto the computer, run it through Photoshop, throw a couple of colours in, set them all up and host them. Simple as that, really.

What code will the new website be in?

HTML, most likely. I have never got the energy to script PHP (too many damned algorythms.) and seein as HTML is the most well know, and easiest, of the programming languages, I'll probably just use that. I will update to PHP at some point, though.

What file extension will the comics be in?

.jpeg or .png. Most likely a high quality jpeg. However PNG is a high quality jpeg with all the added compression format of the .gifs, so I might save it in PNG (most likely PNG <_<). style="font-weight: bold;">Why do you want to become a webcomic artist?

Well, I initially came up with the idea for it when I first made the blog. It was a joke between me and Hentai Master (Hollow-Hentai FTW!), I wasn't getting enough hits and asked HM what I could do to get people to come and read it. He said "Write more!" I said something along the lines of "Hey, what about a webcomic?!" and it took off. I made the comic seen in "Tears of Emo" shortly afterwards (Mainly for the hell of it, partly to see if I could make a semi-funny comic which people would enjoy) and once I created the "ToE" post, it seemed to fit perfectly. So it got thrown in.

The simple answer to your question would be that I wanted to create and share my drawings and humour with people. I have a... 'curious' humour to say the least (as you should know by now... you've been reading my blog for long enough) so I'm actually expecting to waste money on a Domain and see where it goes from there. I'll keep the site up because there'll always be somebody who wants to read it.

So you aren't in it for the money?

God no. The money is a desirable aspect, but I'm not the greatest artist in the world nor am I the funniest guy in the world. I want to create and share something which has kept me amused for a long time. It's nothing short of seeing a Vin Diesel film and saying "Damn, I wanna be like him". Donations and the clicking of ads are optional.

But you tell us to click the ads on this blog!

No, I ask you to click the ads. I don't make you, I can't force you... I ask you, politely, to help a guy out with some financial difficulties and click a couple of ads. I'm not saying "OMG CLIK ADS OR DIE!". Most ads on this blog are functional anyway. I have the Firefox referral link, I have the Google search bar and I have a nifty little script what scans the lastes post for keywords and gives you the four most popular. It's not like I'm bombing you with insane amounts of popups.

So can we expect the same treatment on the new site?

Well, like I said, there will be ads. However, like this blog, they will be functional. A google search bar and the Firefox referral link. And the PayPal icon at the bottom for your donations.

Remember! I'm not forcing you to donate, I'm not even asking you. I'm saying, if you want to donate some money towards the websites and drawing peripherals, then go ahead and donate some money. If not, don't worry about it. If you really want to help the site, click a couple of ads, I'll still get money for it in the end.

You seem to be hell bent on money, though?

No, if I was hell bent on money, I'd be drawing out Merchandise to sell right now. I've barely got the first two characters fully down. I've yet to integrate colour schemes into it and such, the process has barely begun, merch (unless specifically asked for by a decent amount of users) will not be released into the public domain. I might design a bit of merch, but that's providing it actually takes off and there is an actual demand. I'm not wasting my time and money (I have to order the stuff if I'm gonna sell it) if you guys aren't gonna buy it.

What would the merchandice contain?

Shirts, mugs, thongs, boxers, mousepads... whatever I feel like selling when and (most importantly) if it comes down to it.

Alright guys and gals, I'll leave you drooling over that thought.,

In the fridge?!

So, I was making myself a good old cup of English tea (as I do) and I opened the fridge to find the milk resting on one of the shelves. Confused I looked at the shelf where it is usually kept (Y'know, upright.) and noticed orange juice. Okay, that's where it's best to keep juice, refrigerated. Nice and cold to cure the quench of thirst. I, hastily, opened the fridge door a little wider to check if their was anything else. Water filteration jug. Fair enough, I like my water with only half of the shit they put into it. Nice and cool and chemically safe.

Then I noticed it.

A little spec of 'red' caught the side of my right eye. Oh my god... it can't... it isn't possible... oh my fucking god, it is!

Ketchup. Some stupid fuck had put Tomato Ketchup in the fucking fridge. Why the hell for?! So I can give myself a brainfreeze when I make myself a fucking ketchup sandwich?! I like my ketchup to be at a nice, moderate temperature. Not too hot, not too cold. Just so I can taste that little chill as I eat my chips. That's it! I do not condone my teeth being wrenched from their sockets by some rectal terrorist dentist because I have a toothache cause by refridgerated ketchup! I mean really, what the hell?

By rule of thumb, ketchup should be kept in a cupboard! It says quite clearly on the label 'Store in a cool, dry place.' what is so fucking 'cool' about the fridge?! It keeps food cold not cool. Come on, people, why? Just why would my parents put the ketchup in the fridge? I was horrified when I saw this act of terrorism! I had a damn good mind to phone the FBI but then I was like "lol english derr" and started crying. So what did I do? I phoned the CIA. Then I was like "o shit english nub" and I started crying some more. I phoned the SAS and they killed my cat. Were they content with that? Hell no! You know what those bastards did? I'll tell you.

They put my fucking Ketchup back in the fridge!

Wankstains!

Being the cocky bastard I am, I grabbed the ketchup bottle from the fridge and threw it in the cupboard while screaming for some hex I learnt when I journeyed into the land of Azeroth (Damn good holiday, I reccomend going anybody to go to Azeroth.). What did the fuckers do then? They shot me in the fucking leg. Naturally by this time I was pissed. I grabbed the head points knife, skinned my cat and made a bandage out of it. I shouted "How's that for ingenuity, bitch?". He shot me in the other leg and I only had one cat. I don't have a bandage for it. What fuckers.

Now they knew I was fully immobilized, they put the ketchup in the fridge! Again! So I commando crawl'd into the kitchen, pulled myself up and put the ketchup in the cupboard (this took me about half an hour, by the way) and laughed at the point guy. Now, I know the SAS are the elite fighting squad of the British army. Possibly one of the best counter-terrorist teams in the world. However, what he did to me nobody should ever have to endure.

He knocked me down and inserted a fucking Flashbang grenade into my colon. Immediately after doing this, he replaced the ketchup with salad cream, and put the ketchup in the fridge. I knew these things had a thirty second timer, so I had to be straining for a good twenty seconds to get it out and throw it out the window in order to give my owl a heart attack. Five seconds later BOOM! Guess it was the Fragmentation grenades which have the thirty second timer. So here I am, lying on the kitchen floor, my rectum hanging on the door handle and two fucking bulletholes in my thighs, one is neatly bandaged with cat skin, the other is bleeding freely. I was getting pretty drowsy around this time.

I shrugged it off, y'know, all manly-like. And gave that guy a beautiful impression of Goatse. Fucking owned, I said. "No, we're going to fucking own you!" the elite squadron of SAS troops said. By this time the whole army had came to watch, my friend Birtles was their. He enjoyed it (He was the guy who stuck his fingers in his arse because somebody told him it was a better wank. I'll tell you more at another point) so much, he ejaculated four times.

I laughed at his idea of an 'ownage' and proudly said "I play CounterStrike on a regular basis and other FPS games. How can a mere mortal own a Fragmaster such as myself?". He recoiled in feigned fear... then he repositioned and said "Eight years of counter-terrorist training.". "Oh shit." thought I. He was right. Eight years of counter-terrorist training does come in handy. Even though his goggles did nothing as my Goatse had temporarily blinded him, he had one last trick up his sleeve. Ever heard of a rectal examination? Ever heard of a rectal examination with an SA-80 as the probe? Neither did I until today.

Anyways, I knew I had to think of a plan to counter is 1337ness. The ketchup was getting colder and colder by the second. What could I do? "I know! I'll... that won't work... to hell with it!" and with that I kicked that bastard in the balls. I proceeded to tell the rest of the army, who was now neatly crammed into my parents humble 2 bedroomed house (three if you count the bathroom), that I would give the same treatment to them if they came any closer. The house emptied in a second. I figured by now the ketchup would be rather cold. So you wanna know what I did? I'll fucking tell you.

I stripped the lone SAS soldier completely naked and inserted a flashbang into his rectum. I ran like a bitch (but fell over pretty fast, I forgot about the bullet wounds and my blinded and severely deafened anus) and it exploded. I heard him say "Fuck... that's gonna leave a mark.", oh you smarmy little bastard. I'll show you what'll leave a fucking mark. I got my dads jackhammer, right? And I fashioned a novelty dildo out of about eight sandwich bags filled with that creamy insulation mixture and attached it to the jackhammer, and waited for it to set.

This was gonna be fun.

I created a little 'pedastal' of sorts for the jackhammer to sit on. I figured the insulation would be nicely set by now and sat the jackhammer on the pedastal. Right where his gaping anus was. Turns out I chose the wrong SAS soldier to fuck with. He was gay. Bollocks. This sucks... I got shot twice in the leg, my cat is wrapped around my leg (he prevented half of my death by giving his life. Jess, I salute you! *tear*) and and this fucking 'elite soldier' is having a fucking orgasm and ejaculating on my parents kitchen floor! I was not amused!

To make matters worse, my cat walked into the kitchen and started meowing for some biscuits. Being the nice guy I am, I gave him some. Then it hit me... the cat is fucking dead! How the hell can I be giving him biscuits if he's dead?! I noticed a little needle in the cats side. Oh shit... oh fucking shit. I skinned my own cat to save my life and he isn't even dead. Fuck, I'm gonna get grounded for this... next thing I knew the 'elite warriors' head exploded. Oh great, now I've got to clean his brains and my anus off the fucking walls. This is wonderful. I dragged the bitch outside and threw him in the owls cage. I've still got the gun and it's kind of bloody but I think I can restore it to its former glory. I stitched my cats skin back on using toenail clippings and thread.

So instead of going to hospital or hiring a cleaner, I'm sitting here writing in my blog telling all of you fucks that my anus is bleeding on my chair and my I'm slowly passing out because of blood loss. I hope you appreciate this, you cunts.

ATTN: Eric Bauman and staff of eBaumsworld! Fuck you!

Some of you might know that the internet finally caved in under the pressure of Eric Baumans thieved success. If you don't know the story of how eBaumsworld went from bullshit to 'badass' (I say that in the loosest possible way), check up on Wikipedia. To cut a long story short he stole material (images, animations, videos etc) from other websites. Now usually that isn't that big of a deal because most websites give credit to the creators. Eric Bauman decided against doing that tiny little thing and decided it would be in his best interest to claim it as his own and add his nice 'eBaumsworld' watermark.

Not too much, eh? Well, the dreaded 'eBaumsworld' watermark happens to have a little sentance on it. It says "This image is hosted on eBaumsworld.com". How subtle.

Basically, he's made money from doing this. From a crappy server he started off with, he now owns a fucking headquarters and employs 20 people. "You're overreacting, Thump. Calm down." No, I'm not. He has earned a substantial amount of money by stealing from people and claiming it as his own. Not fucking cool, my friends. Not cool at all. You have to realise the income he's getting... I can't remember the exact amount but it's quite a lot due to the fact he doesn't own any content other than the layout and the banner. Smooth.

Let's go back a little, eh? Eric, though a fucknut, isn't stupid. He realised the competition he was getting. He had the likes of Something Awful and Albino Blacksheep to contend with. Obviously the biggest threat to him and his millions was Something Awful... so what does he do? Rather than realise he has the high ground anyway, he posts a malicious script on his page which lagged the SA forums to a painful crawl. Albino Blacksheep isn't updated all that often so can't really be considered a major threat, though it is a damned good time wasting site.

Anyway, this all came to a head when he stole the 'Lindsay Lohan never changes facial expressions' .gif from YTMND... well, it got a bit insane. The good people at YTMND were pissed, as you could well imagine. I'm not familliar with the entire story so it basically ended up in Fark, 4chan, GameFAQs, LUElinks, IGN, Something Awful, Newgrounds, GameSpot and of course eBaumsworld having a bit of a tiff. Gourry the Swordsman posted a comprehensive chart of who is on whos side during this furious battle of the internets on LUElinks (which gave me the energy to post about this.):


Allies:
-------
4Chan
Fark
GameFAQs
IGN
LUELinks
Something Awful
YTMND
Newgrounds
Entensity


Axis of Evil:
------------
GameSpot
eBaumsWorld

What followed was a brutal attack on eBaums forum, website and eventually his headquarters. However that was removed due to second thoughts (I sure hope he likes my boxes, holy books and VagiCream though. I'm thinking of you, Eric!). The best part about the whole 'headquarters' thing is that two certain people who belong on a website that doesn't exist attached two bits of paper on the door. Guess what? Even though the bits of paper were removed a minute or two afterwards, Eric now has to have guards patrolling the headquarters incase of vandalism! OH NOES! PAPER! NASTY PAPER WITH SELLOTAPE! THAT WARRANTS A KoS, BAUMAN! CAN YOU NOT SEE THAT?! Asshat.

Evidence against him:

Special eBaums edition of LDCFE

He created LDCFE and he just proved it.

However... the question on the lips of internet factions all around the... well, the internet is "How long will this fucktard continue to get away with copyright infringment?!"... well, if all goes to plan, not very long at all. That's all I'm saying on that particular matter.

If the stupid fucker and his friends happen to come across this blog, let me tell you people one thing. Fuck you, you plagiarizing cunts. What are you gonna do? Take my 'Tears of Emo' comic and throw a couple of 'Image hosted on eBaumsworld.com' watermarks on it? Go ahead. I have creators copyright on it, the lawyers won't be too keen on it, either.

Summary: Eric Bauman and the eBaums staff are plagiarizing cuntwaffles.

Summary of summary: eBaumsworld sucks.

Summary of summary of summary: YTMND

Summary of summary of summary of summary: ShaunMD is annoying.

Sell things for a pound and expect trouble.

So yesterday my friend Wolfy gave me an idea. Go into Poundland and buy condoms, KY Jelly, maybe herpes cream and some random purchases I deemed appropriate. I left with the following:

-Three boxes of condoms (six in each box)
-Six boxes of KY
-A lightbulb
-A kitchen set
-A novelty garden gnome

Once I had collected my purchases, I headed towards the checkout. I got a couple of funny looks to say the least. My friend hid behind a load of coffee while I bought them. After the cashier checked through the KY, she looked up at me with a worried glance. I kindly said "BDSM is fun. You should join in sometime.". My friend knocked over a couple of coffee bottles (I think with laughter, though he may have ejaculated at the thought of BDSM and a novelty garden gnome).

I collected my items and walked out of the shop. I then went to a market stall kind of place to buy myself a nice tube of whipped cream! After filling up a couple of condoms with my whipped cream, we played piggy in the middle! It was fun and good times were had by all... until one of the Whipped Cream Condoms burst on a police officer. I swear, I've never ran so fast in my life. Should have done that at the RSC. I could have been a paratrooper by now! Oh well.

I was discussing with Wolfy what I could have said to explain my Whipped Cream Condoms away if I was arrested. She suggested I tell them I have a whipped cream fetish. I laughed and laughed and pissed myself for the sheer liberation of it. I then went on to say that if their were two police officers I would have purposely got caught. Why? Think of the jokes!

"Y'know, you two look like a pair of tits when you're standing next to each other. It's fucking great when you're covered in whipped cream."

The fun will never end. Never.

In other news I bought a new mouse today. Oh yes, gone are the days when I had to use a fucking ball to make the little flashy white cursor move. Now I have a laser! I swear, it's so smooth and erotic I could sit and masturbate to it moving all day. It's like a warm kitchen knife from Poundland cutting through butter... gaming should be great :D

Ever have a hard time letting go?

Story of my life. I can be hung up on girls that happened a year ago. Sad, isn't it? I don't know what it is, maybe it's because I lost my virginity. A while ago I would fuck anything and everything with legs (not in a relationship, mind you) and not have a second thought about it. Now I'm a little older I'm thinking "Oh... shit.". The moral of the story is this: If you get laid, you don't have to go looking for somebody new to test your new found novelty on, stick with the same girl. I guarentee you'll miss what you did with her.

Wait, what's this?! A serious moment from Thump?! What's the occassion?! Well, I became an Uncle the other day but that isn't what made me write this... what made me write this is because I've had so many different girls and it only just hit me that I really fucked up bad with a lot of them. One in particular (You know who you are. You aren't the lying, cheating, scumbag who is a pathetic excuse for a woman. I think I got that right...) and I'll admit, I regret it. I started arguments over nothing (Now you know who you are.) and I was being a dickhead to her. My fault, I admit. Doesn't mean I can't apologize for it, does it?

It's true, though. I think I just wanted to test my novelty with as many different girls as I could. Now I've had at least over five (sober, I mean) and I've had sex well over fifty times (estimation) but this one girl, I can't stop thinking about her. She has certain attributes what piss me off (they all do, really.) and certain attributes what make me want to hug her... I'm just hasty. That's my problem. I'm hasty. I don't think before I act. I honestly never think "Oh wait, maybe you should wait around dude. Give yourself a chance to settle in before you get back into a relationship" sadly. I brought myself to say "LAWL SINGLE PUSSY HUNTING TIME!". It's quite sad because I don't even get with girls just for sex.

The really sad thing is, people are going to read this and go "You fail, you prat". I actually started this off by randomly typing and see how it went. So far I'm quite intrigued by what's came out. I'm not even thinking as my fingers are skimming across the keyboard, it's just all coming out and it's fucking strange. I've done this before, it's a form of automatic writing. Just start writing and don't stop, see what happens. Well, this is what's happening. I'm writing about things and I can't even remember what it was I'm writing about. This is some deep shit. Like four drugs combined together to make one... think about that... is it expanding your mind? Is it raising your IQ? I hope so, because it raised many parts of my body (LOLOLOL HAIR!).

It makes me a sad panda to think that most of you people who read this will have thought "Oh, he's talking about his penis! ROFL!"... sexual innuendo is fun, but I don't do it on purpose for the hell of it. I'm not that bad... or am I? How do you know? I doubt you even know me! This is a blog which exists for the hell of it! No reason as to why I created it, maybe I wanted to talk about the games and their consoles which are coming out. Maybe I created this as a 'Technological Mecca', I dunno, I know I never intended to be sarcastic or funny at all when I brought this up, it was the last couple of paragraphs where I realised "Hey, I'd get so many more readers if I just joked on rather than actually spoke of things."

That's what this is.

I have my serious moments but I have more toungue in cheek moments on here than anything else. I don't take myself seriously (unless I have a reason for it) so why should you guys? I write in here as often as I can (the past couple of days is down to laziness or lack of my mouse working) to keep people coming back and on to give readers a chace to help me out. I asked you guys a couple of times to click a couple of ads, very few people do. It's no big deal, really. I just like to give people a reason to take time out and help me along. I'm not expecting you people to do me favours if I'm not giving you some form of time wasting entertainment.

Yeah, I'm gonna stop now because I'm getting tired... way too much thinking going on in here... three updates in the space of a couple of hours. This is a new one.

Look ma! It's on the wall!

Why is it that when you've had a drink, your urine wants to go everywhere? I mean I take a piss when I'm slightly drunk and the wall gets soaked. I decided I would train myself in the art of urination just to see if I can beat my records. Guess what? I can now piss in two different directions! It's an awesome party trick!

Now really, I've done it a couple of times and it never fails to make me laugh. No matter what way I twist, what position I stand, what I pull back, push forward, squeeze it still comes out in two different directions. It's fucking hysterical as I panic trying to get it into the bowl. It must look as if I'm playing DDR hyped up on acid. Some funny shit, I'll tell you.

It's even better when I try to piss with an erection. Really, last time I tried it I tried to do a handstand and inadvertantly shit on myself! Good times. Seriously, though. Pissing with an erection is harder (LOLOLOLOL) then it sounds. You have a flap of skin what cuts off the connection from your bladder to your urethra and connects to the balls, basically... or is it prostrate? Whatever. So in order to piss with an erection you have to bypass this little flap of skin... guys? If you haven't already, try it. Girls? Watch your boyfriend try it. I swear you'll piss yourself laughing (it'll frustrate him, too :D).

My biggest problem with urine, though, is that I can't actually piss while somebody else is in the room... unlike one time (my ex girlfriend at a party, I was nicely drunk so I didn't really give a shit. As long as I could take a piss before people start throwing up, I was good). However let us not talk of that stupid, lying, cheating scumbag of a pathetic excuse for a woman, for it shall depress me.

What I have to say to you all is this: Piss on the wall. Beat that record. It's not as fun in a public toilet because of all the stains anyways (Don't ever use a public toilet, I'd rather use my fucking pants...). If you're a woman? So fucking what. Try it anyways, it'll be even more fun for you.

I needed to tell somebody... :(

Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater characters

This game is fucking great. It has the right amount of perversion, action, stealth and storyline to make it a wonderful game. Somebody is gonna say "lol wtf @ perversion"... if you don't know how perverted Japan is now... you'll never know how perverted Japan is now. You see, Konami is a Japanese company. Therefore perversion is highly possible. Don't believe me? I'll give you an idea.

There is a nifty new command what allows you to press 'R1' and you can see what Snake says (during cutscenes, obviously). Well. there's one thing we must go over. EVA has some sexy fucking pixels. She also likes to make sure you can see her titty pixels. It's beautiful. Anyway, when you first meet her, she naturally has her bra on show. I noticed something was a little strange about the way Snake was looking at her... then it hit me. I pressed R1 and lo and behold! He was staring straight at her tits. You get to see other shots of her, but you'll have to play the game to find out.

Anyway, it's character description time! Note I'm not mentioning much what may cause spoilers so I'm going to go around the outside of the characters. However, I may loose myself and end up typing a spoiler, at this point you should turn back. If you don't want the game spoiled, I don't suggest reading something I'm writing.

Snake:

Snake is a hardass in every sense of the word. He's so awesome gets a name like 'Naked Snake'. God damn, he's hardcore. I mean, who else can get bit by a poisonous Snake, kill it, eat it, inject himself with some anti-venom and smoke a cigar? Not you! Snake can! It's fun going into the survival viewer and going into what I call 'X-Ray mode' (because I can't remember the name, bitch) and watching him pull off some fancy moves... god damn, even his skeleton makes me hot!

Major Tom/Zero:

OMG SPOYLA! Shut the fuck up. A change in call card isn't gonna hurt you much. This guy is fun. He's a stereotypical Brit. He thinks that afternoon tea and crumpets is a delightful tradition that more countries should partake in. Oh yeah. He knows a lot. He was a member in the SAS and when you're in a bind he says "Back in my day we had to fend for ourselves! If you can't find a condom, MAKE ONE!". Yeah, he's that kind of a guy. The guy you need around you... a real conservationist. He can be annoying, but you don't have to call him.

The Boss/Joy:

Woah, she's feisty. She kind of looks like Cate Blanchett, think of her as Galadriel... got it? Yeah. She's great. She likes to dismantle guns and (sometimes) she throws them away. Other times you don't see what she does to them... she just pockets them I think. Stealing my fucking barrel like that you bitch. That why your friends called you 'The Joy'? Is it?! YOU DO THIS FOR FUN?! I PAYED FOR THAT FUCKING GUN! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT IT IS THAT YOU DO WITH IT AFTER YOU'VE BROKEN IT! ...I'd also like pictures and videos all preferably on a good download host. What?

Para-Medic:

This girl wants the penis of a Snake. It's painfully obvious. She thinks Snake may have Cannibalistic tendancies... who doesn't? She saw Snake naked once but couldn't do anything... so naturally Snake said "Oh well, better luck next time." however what was going through his mind was "SHIT FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! WHY COULDN'T SHE DO SOMETHING?! I LIKE SURPRISES!". It's that obvious. I'd hit her, though. Numerous times... shame she's a granny now :(

EVA:

EVA... the counterpart to ADAM. This is the kind of girl you want to know. She's hawt and she likes to show her breasts, and she can ride a motorcycle and not complain about breaking nails! Her pixels make me moist and creamy... like a good coffee. Seriously, though. She's the only woman I've known in the MGS series to regularly show off any part of her body and not be a slut. She also wants the penis of the Snake. He so lucky :(

Ocelot:

Woah, he's like... young! And he doesn't have an annoying voice! This is incredible! The one thing what I think isn't right about Mr. Ocelot is that he's... well, annoying. I mean, he thinks he's all uber with his automatic pistols (it was in the fucking trailor, don't complain to me about spoilers, so far so fucking good!) and Snake's all like "omg no u gta b usin sum rev0lvaz mirite?" and Ocelot is all like "OMG UR RITE!" and he does. However, he's a little too cocky. That damn 'reeaow!' sound he makes (play the game... you'll see what I mean) makes you want to kick him in the fucking head. But he can play with revolvers so he's obviously awesome. I'm better, though. "HAY GAIZ! LUK AT ME I CN JUGLE!" o rly? Well I can STAB YOU IN THE FUCKING HEAD, BITCH! I own him.

Sokolov:

When you first meet this guy he's all scared and stuff and doing naughty things with fires (lololol) and then he totally creams himself when he sees Ocelot and runs away to masturbate. He is also under the strange impression that Snake is speaking Russian to him. What the hell, Hideo?! It's English! Does Sokolov have a fucking babblefish in his fucking ear? A faulty one at that! (Yes, I know why he thinks that Snake is speaking Russian, but that would make shit(tier) writing.) I mean come on... "We've got to get you out of here." "Wow, your Russian is fantastic, can I suck your penis now or later?". Prat.

Colonel Volgin:

Woah back! This is a guy you don't want to get on the wrong side of, people! He's about four times your size (unless you're Hulk Hogan) and he makes electric with his bare hands! Not only that? He likes to punch walls! And feel woman up while making electric! He's a pretty terrifying thought... y'know, if hew actually existed... it'd be scary and stuff. I mean, he's great and stuff... but damn, not somebody I'd like to get on the wrong side of. Hell, I wouldn't even want to know him! Unless he wanted to tell me how to make electricity. Then I'd be all :D

Sigint:

This guy... now he knows his guns... and his camo... and his face paint... he knows how to help you survive! The thing what made me wtf at was the fact he's black! This was a racist era and their's a black guy on your radio (No, he wasn't stealing it. Don't even bother emailing me with that one.)! However I stopped the wtf when he mentioned that he was aware of the fact he was black. I mean, if he knows, he knows about his mistakes in life mirite?! (Sorry, I had to throw in at least one black joke :( forgive me). When I saw him the first thing I thought of was "OMG NID!" but no. He's a pretty cool guy. He's fun to talk too... especially with obscure face paint and camo (I reccomend the Gako camo or naked... it's fun).

The Pain:

People complain about this guy being a hard boss... I struggled more with Ocelot! He's pretty fun, though annoying at times. I think the guy who does his voice is the same guy who did Fatman in MGS2... they sound alike. Anyway, he's kind of strange... y'know, he loves his hornets. It's fun to shoot them and watch him scream "MY HORNETS?!" and then molest himself in the water or something... his camo is pretty fun, though. I won't tell you what it does but it's fun. Especially when you're going through areas which are full of enemies.

The End:

I can't really say much on this guy... I didn't fight him. I used my Sniper Rifle (Not a spoiler, you use a Sniper Rifle in the fight anyways, nub) and let's just say he didn't do much from then on. He sleeps a lot of the time... apparantly so he can 'conserve his energy for battle' but I think he's just a lazy bastard. I'd totally kick his arse from one map to the other, but I'll never be able to test that theory out... well, I would... I could, even... but I don't have the energy to restart the game. Way too much effort.

The Fear:

Oh dear god, I fucking hate this guy. Seriously, I don't think there is a person alive who should like him. He's annoying as hell and needs to learn to stop eating so god damn much... you'll find out when you try and get his camo (That was the biggest hint you'll get and possibly the biggest spoiler). I'm pretty sure he's a relation to Vamp or is based loosely around Vamp (I know the answer to that, but I'll get emails saying 'OMG SPOYLAZ!'). They both have uber abilities... the only main difference is I enjoyed fighting Vamp. When I first fought The Fear I thought "Hey, that Camo is rather nice... I wants it!"... oh no... oh god no... if I knew what I know now, I wouldn't have a problem and introduced him to my AK. Negative. I got my arse handed to me on a plate.

The Fury:

I'm on this guy at the moment and he actually seems quite fun. Something I noticed is that his comrades all have some sort of special ability... not this guy! Oh no! His ability is a (possible spoiler coming up here, don't say I didn't warn you) fucking jetpack and a flamethrower. Oh, and the ability to send flaming bats to the floor shrieking in agony. This guy looks to be annoying but I haven't had the energy to sort that bitch out yet. He also reminds me of Fatman but I haven't had the chance to hear him scream in agony quite yet... I'm sure when I hear that, I'll be able to tell you off the bat (lololol c wot i did thur?!). He's kind of cocky... and his camo sucks, so I think I'll just kill him and laugh. Plus my AK does more damage :)

The Sorrow:

Hmm... I've only seen this guy in the R1 mode. I haven't fought him (I'm not even sure if I get a chance to fight him) but he looks like he'll provide me with a good laugh if I do. He's basically this tall, skinny ghost with red, glowing eyes. He totally wants to have it off with Boss one more time (they fought together or something... I guess I know what that 'fight' consisted off if you catch my drift) but because he's a phantom, it'll never happen. Unless of course he gets a hard light drive... in which case he can be tapping that shit pretty damn fast! GO SORROW!

Something I've noticed about all the bosses so far in MGS3. When you defeat them, they explode! I don't mean body parts fly everywhere, I mean they spontaneously combust. It's kind of unrealistic... especially when you tranqued them. But hey, it's always nice to see an explosion! Especially The Fear... oh god, it was beautiful watching that bastard explode. I swear, nobody pisses me off that fucking much... and what happened? BOOM! DEAD BODY PARTS EVERYWHERE! Hey is that your penis hanging on that tree? Oh wait, you can't talk because YOU EXPLODED! HAH! I WIN AGAIN, FUCKER!

You finished? I'm finished.

Hello? Roadrunner? FUCK YOU!

I've had such an action packed week so far. My PS2 memory card finally comes (which means I can play MGS3 and turn my PS2 off! :D) and I find out a piece of golden information. DragonForce, the Power Metal band we all know and love, have signed up to Roadrunner Records. You know RR, right? They're the fuckers who mass produce every genre of music ever to glance at them. Oh fucking joy. Mainstream power metal here we come!

I really can't wait for them to come to Newcastle, I really can't. I'm going to kick their arses from one side of the university to the other. Jesus... I can see it now. 12 year olds running around fondling their testicles talking about dragons and swords... Blind Guardian, Stratovarious, Manowar... they'll all loose their touch. Joey Demaio is going to take one look at Manowar and say "Gone".

For people who dislike or don't know much about power metal, won't see this as a big deal. Those of you who like metal and such, listen closely. Remember when Slipknot came out? Remember what they started? The breed of people screaming into microphones and trying to shock their fanbase? Yeah... think of that with the power scene. Then came the Emos! Allow me to say this for everybody.

Fuck you, Avenged Sevenfold. Fuck you.

Avenged began dressing up as a new breed of 'Goths'. Tight clothes and shorter hair, usually swept across one eye. What happened? A bunch of prats thought it looked good and started dressing like that. Now we have the Emos. I don't think I can actually consider the effects of a full scale Power invasion... at the moment it's probably the purest metal out there. If you're in a Power band you know that the possibility of making money fast is scarce. DragonForce? They got lucky. Very few Power bands (unless it's a side project) make a lot of money at all. Now it's gonna be the new 'in thing'.

I hope that DragonForce will be rejected from the mainstream crowd, power metal is my main choice of music, I don't think I could take the 12 year olds masturbating over some of the best music ever to be created (I said some of, you elitest fucktards.). Dear god, the thought of it is terrifying... I've seen young kids wearing Sonata Arctica (Winterhearts Guild, surprisingly enough.) shirts and they've always been nice enough... however I hate it when they come up to me and say "WTF DIS WUS TEH 1ST ALBUM!" which has happened... numerous times.

I have a solution to the mess which may occur due to DragonForce's stupid mistake. You like Power Metal? To quote another Power band (not any power band. The father of power metal bands):

Brothers, I am calling from the valley of the kings... with nothing to atone.
A dark march lies ahead, together we will ride... like thunder from the sky
May your sword stay wet, like a young girl in her prime.
Hold your hammers high!

And just to make sure I've got the point across:

Every one of us has heard the call!
Brothers of True Metal, proud and standing tall!
We know the power within us has brought us to this hall!
There's magic in the metal! There's magic in us all!

Heavy metal! (Or no metal at all!)
Whimps and posers? Leave the hall!
Heavy metal! (Or no metal at all!)
Whimps and posers go on get out! (Leave the hall!)

Idiocy finds a new meaning.

So I was looking through a couple of news articles today and I came across a rather interesting story. You guys should love it. It's entitled Cell phone lodged in womans throat. Oh yeah, that's right. Check it out here.

Read it, it's only small.

Read it? Good. Now from what I gathered from it, some woman pissed off her boyfriend and in the heated argument she did the only thing she could possibly think of. Swallowing her mobile phone! Oh snap you bastard, didn't see that one coming didja? Hell no! So you'd verbally abuse a woman, eh? Would you verbally abuse a woman who is stupid enough to swallow her mobile phone?! I didn't think so! Personally, if it were me, I'd be pissing myself laughing screaming something along the lines of "You stupid fucking bitch. You deserve to die."

However it wasn't any old argument... oh no. It was a very special argument about her mobile phone! I'm thinking that she was seeing other guys behind his back, he found out about it and said "I want to read your text inbox on your mobile phone." and she started screaming and shouting and eventually broke out the salt and ketchup and BAM! Phone in throat.

Part of me is feeling sorry for her, the majority of me is hoping it was a really big one. Remember those old Motorola phones? The ones with the inch long arial? (The closest image I could find to it was this. It wasn't quite as old as that, though... Yeah, one of them. Then when she swallowed it, it could start ringing. Remember that ringtone it had? The one that bore a resembelence to Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go On? I would love that so much... just to hear what it would sound like.

However, I'm sure it would be physically impossible to down a mobile phone of that size... as amusing as it would be. Perhaps if we cut her throat open, inserted the phone into it and surgically closed the wound up. Fun! But seriously now, who the hell is going to swallow a mobile phone? I'm sure her boyfriend would be feeling great about himself now. "Oh, my girlfriend swallowed her mobile phone because she didn't want me to have it. I think she may have somebody else... like... other than me? What about you?". If I ever see that guy, I'm going to shake his hand and tell him to remove the phone himself next time. With a broadsword.

It makes me one sad panda to see somebody as dense as to attempt this... then again, there is some sad woman who pulled a restraining order on David Letterman for using 'code' to lead her on and tell her he wanted to marry her. I swear, one of these days I'm going to kill all the trees/shrubs and watch the world die. I'll be fine. I'll die too. It'll be the ultimate Genocide. So great that no history books will remember me. Why? Because everybody will be dead!

Is it sad that I'm getting an erection about that?