It's called 'chewing gum' for a fucking reason.
Today I was making myself a cup of tea, which I think is pretty fucking awesome, and as I was pouring the water I heard "CLICK!". Holy fucking hell, I nearly shit myself! Seriously, I nearly knocked the cup clean off the desk. I put the kettle down and investigated with a rather large knife. Then I saw it... dear god, a packet of chewing gum. Oh god! STAB! STAB! STAB!
I heard it again... mocking me... taunting me... being really nasty. So I hurridly made finished making my tea, amongst a sea of "CLICK!" and took cover in my bedroom.
Seriously, though. What the hell is it with people doing that shit? It's called Chewing gum for a reason! If you want to blow bubbles with it and make stupid sounds with your mouth, give a blowjob to fifty men and you'll be sorted. Or you can gargle bleach, either way, it'll be fun! The alternative to that would be drinking Pepper Spray. It doesn't really taste like pepper, I swear. Really! Now go and do it and cheer us all up.
I've never understood why you'd do that, though. You go out, you buy a load of chewing gum and then learn to click with it... what the fuck? You buy it for the flavour, dammit! You take a day or two out of your life to learn how to make retarded clicking noises with substances in your mouth. Well done. Now what do you get for it? Are you more attractive because you taught yourself to do it with semen? I'll tell you what it will gain, though. A free emergancy dentist appointment! "But there's nothing wrong with my teeth, Thump!" I hear you say. Yeah, there isn't anything wrong with your teeth. Yet.
Blowing bubbles confuses me the most. I used to do it as a kid, but then stopped once I bashed my head off the wall and gained some fucking common sense. My dad used to say "Stop doing that, have you got any idea what amount of shit there is in the air? You'll be chewing on that now.". I used to reply with "It's the same 'shit' you're breathing in, wankstain.". Strangely enough, he never used that line with me again.
I don't get it, though. Girls walking down the street, their skirts hiked up so you can just see their panty line, wearing boob tubes. Y'know, the whores of the nation. Well, I'll be sitting there, looking at them saying "Dear god, I'd fuck her into next millenium." then I'll see a blue bubble appearing from her mouth and I'll try and kill her. Lady's? If anything; blowing bubbles make you look like a pre-teen fucktard with half a braincell between you and five of your companions.
It's even better when I see a guy walking down the street. He looks so macho and manly... then BAM! Blue bubble! Wow, well done. Now I want to hurt you. You've emasculated everything you had, now you look like a puff. I'll give you ten for effort, though. You must have your boyfriend under complete control with his constant begging. "OH PLEASE, MR. ICANBLOWABUBBLE! TEACH ME HOW TO BLOW BUBBLES! I'LL GIVE YOU HEAD!" Ingenius, really.
In summary: Stop blowing bubbles and making stupid fucking clicking noises, you stupid tosspot.
I heard it again... mocking me... taunting me... being really nasty. So I hurridly made finished making my tea, amongst a sea of "CLICK!" and took cover in my bedroom.
Seriously, though. What the hell is it with people doing that shit? It's called Chewing gum for a reason! If you want to blow bubbles with it and make stupid sounds with your mouth, give a blowjob to fifty men and you'll be sorted. Or you can gargle bleach, either way, it'll be fun! The alternative to that would be drinking Pepper Spray. It doesn't really taste like pepper, I swear. Really! Now go and do it and cheer us all up.
I've never understood why you'd do that, though. You go out, you buy a load of chewing gum and then learn to click with it... what the fuck? You buy it for the flavour, dammit! You take a day or two out of your life to learn how to make retarded clicking noises with substances in your mouth. Well done. Now what do you get for it? Are you more attractive because you taught yourself to do it with semen? I'll tell you what it will gain, though. A free emergancy dentist appointment! "But there's nothing wrong with my teeth, Thump!" I hear you say. Yeah, there isn't anything wrong with your teeth. Yet.
Blowing bubbles confuses me the most. I used to do it as a kid, but then stopped once I bashed my head off the wall and gained some fucking common sense. My dad used to say "Stop doing that, have you got any idea what amount of shit there is in the air? You'll be chewing on that now.". I used to reply with "It's the same 'shit' you're breathing in, wankstain.". Strangely enough, he never used that line with me again.
I don't get it, though. Girls walking down the street, their skirts hiked up so you can just see their panty line, wearing boob tubes. Y'know, the whores of the nation. Well, I'll be sitting there, looking at them saying "Dear god, I'd fuck her into next millenium." then I'll see a blue bubble appearing from her mouth and I'll try and kill her. Lady's? If anything; blowing bubbles make you look like a pre-teen fucktard with half a braincell between you and five of your companions.
It's even better when I see a guy walking down the street. He looks so macho and manly... then BAM! Blue bubble! Wow, well done. Now I want to hurt you. You've emasculated everything you had, now you look like a puff. I'll give you ten for effort, though. You must have your boyfriend under complete control with his constant begging. "OH PLEASE, MR. ICANBLOWABUBBLE! TEACH ME HOW TO BLOW BUBBLES! I'LL GIVE YOU HEAD!" Ingenius, really.
In summary: Stop blowing bubbles and making stupid fucking clicking noises, you stupid tosspot.
posted by Thump at 7:10 pm
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