Sell things for a pound and expect trouble.

So yesterday my friend Wolfy gave me an idea. Go into Poundland and buy condoms, KY Jelly, maybe herpes cream and some random purchases I deemed appropriate. I left with the following:

-Three boxes of condoms (six in each box)
-Six boxes of KY
-A lightbulb
-A kitchen set
-A novelty garden gnome

Once I had collected my purchases, I headed towards the checkout. I got a couple of funny looks to say the least. My friend hid behind a load of coffee while I bought them. After the cashier checked through the KY, she looked up at me with a worried glance. I kindly said "BDSM is fun. You should join in sometime.". My friend knocked over a couple of coffee bottles (I think with laughter, though he may have ejaculated at the thought of BDSM and a novelty garden gnome).

I collected my items and walked out of the shop. I then went to a market stall kind of place to buy myself a nice tube of whipped cream! After filling up a couple of condoms with my whipped cream, we played piggy in the middle! It was fun and good times were had by all... until one of the Whipped Cream Condoms burst on a police officer. I swear, I've never ran so fast in my life. Should have done that at the RSC. I could have been a paratrooper by now! Oh well.

I was discussing with Wolfy what I could have said to explain my Whipped Cream Condoms away if I was arrested. She suggested I tell them I have a whipped cream fetish. I laughed and laughed and pissed myself for the sheer liberation of it. I then went on to say that if their were two police officers I would have purposely got caught. Why? Think of the jokes!

"Y'know, you two look like a pair of tits when you're standing next to each other. It's fucking great when you're covered in whipped cream."

The fun will never end. Never.

In other news I bought a new mouse today. Oh yes, gone are the days when I had to use a fucking ball to make the little flashy white cursor move. Now I have a laser! I swear, it's so smooth and erotic I could sit and masturbate to it moving all day. It's like a warm kitchen knife from Poundland cutting through butter... gaming should be great :D