Look ma! It's on the wall!
Why is it that when you've had a drink, your urine wants to go everywhere? I mean I take a piss when I'm slightly drunk and the wall gets soaked. I decided I would train myself in the art of urination just to see if I can beat my records. Guess what? I can now piss in two different directions! It's an awesome party trick!
Now really, I've done it a couple of times and it never fails to make me laugh. No matter what way I twist, what position I stand, what I pull back, push forward, squeeze it still comes out in two different directions. It's fucking hysterical as I panic trying to get it into the bowl. It must look as if I'm playing DDR hyped up on acid. Some funny shit, I'll tell you.
It's even better when I try to piss with an erection. Really, last time I tried it I tried to do a handstand and inadvertantly shit on myself! Good times. Seriously, though. Pissing with an erection is harder (LOLOLOLOL) then it sounds. You have a flap of skin what cuts off the connection from your bladder to your urethra and connects to the balls, basically... or is it prostrate? Whatever. So in order to piss with an erection you have to bypass this little flap of skin... guys? If you haven't already, try it. Girls? Watch your boyfriend try it. I swear you'll piss yourself laughing (it'll frustrate him, too :D).
My biggest problem with urine, though, is that I can't actually piss while somebody else is in the room... unlike one time (my ex girlfriend at a party, I was nicely drunk so I didn't really give a shit. As long as I could take a piss before people start throwing up, I was good). However let us not talk of that stupid, lying, cheating scumbag of a pathetic excuse for a woman, for it shall depress me.
What I have to say to you all is this: Piss on the wall. Beat that record. It's not as fun in a public toilet because of all the stains anyways (Don't ever use a public toilet, I'd rather use my fucking pants...). If you're a woman? So fucking what. Try it anyways, it'll be even more fun for you.
I needed to tell somebody... :(
Now really, I've done it a couple of times and it never fails to make me laugh. No matter what way I twist, what position I stand, what I pull back, push forward, squeeze it still comes out in two different directions. It's fucking hysterical as I panic trying to get it into the bowl. It must look as if I'm playing DDR hyped up on acid. Some funny shit, I'll tell you.
It's even better when I try to piss with an erection. Really, last time I tried it I tried to do a handstand and inadvertantly shit on myself! Good times. Seriously, though. Pissing with an erection is harder (LOLOLOLOL) then it sounds. You have a flap of skin what cuts off the connection from your bladder to your urethra and connects to the balls, basically... or is it prostrate? Whatever. So in order to piss with an erection you have to bypass this little flap of skin... guys? If you haven't already, try it. Girls? Watch your boyfriend try it. I swear you'll piss yourself laughing (it'll frustrate him, too :D).
My biggest problem with urine, though, is that I can't actually piss while somebody else is in the room... unlike one time (my ex girlfriend at a party, I was nicely drunk so I didn't really give a shit. As long as I could take a piss before people start throwing up, I was good). However let us not talk of that stupid, lying, cheating scumbag of a pathetic excuse for a woman, for it shall depress me.
What I have to say to you all is this: Piss on the wall. Beat that record. It's not as fun in a public toilet because of all the stains anyways (Don't ever use a public toilet, I'd rather use my fucking pants...). If you're a woman? So fucking what. Try it anyways, it'll be even more fun for you.
I needed to tell somebody... :(
posted by Thump at 12:17 am
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