Donnie Darko *spoilers from start to finish*
Now, I've had my doubts about this film. I expected it to be something completely different to what it was. After about three years of constant nagging from my cousin, Dominic, and numerous other people, I finally caved. I got hold of a copy of the film and played it. From start to finish. Jesus fucking Christ... I decided against watching Pirates of the Carribean for the exact same reason. I finally see it and man... the film blows my mind. It happens 95% of the time... the irony in the whole thing is when I was actually watching it the first time around, I didn't know what the fuck I was watching. So, I checked imdb.com and found out it was a 'psychological thriller', in a sense. Fucking great.
See, I'm very quick to judge. If I like a film, I can tell in the first ten, twenty minutes. If it's a long film like Lord of the Rings or King Kong... I'll give it a while. However, Donnie Darko... it wasn't that I was enjoying the film... oh no. There was something about Donnie. The way he acted, talked... those little insecurities. It intrigued me (like all good psychological thrillers should), however it didn't pique at my interest as such... oh no... as pathetic as this is going to sound - I actually felt I could relate to him.
I asked around to check if I was infact, a total and utter lunatic and no, others have said the same. The film was written in such a way, it grabs you and finds a way to draw you in, something you've experienced, maybe somebody you know has experienced... who knows? But the film is written in a way to draw you in; lure you into the trap. Now being able to relate to a character in a film is one thing... feeling his emotion is something completely different. I remember a lot of my life and I acted precisely like Donnie. I know, I know, it's hard to explain. However I did. Can't deny it. People'll probably vouch for that if asked.
Enough of this.
I've been meaning to re-watch Donnie Darko and see what it was what hooked me. When I first watched it, I was under some emotional strain. I still am... I can't deny it, people who don't know me can see it in my eyes. I am not too 'stable' right now... I'm thinking clearly, but it's just these random bouts of depression, angst, whatever the hell you'd like to call it. Today was one of those days. I'd had a rather interesting topic about, well, damn near everything with a friend of mine (Katie) in the afternoon. Seeing as I'd had no sleep, it kind of added to the whole effect. Something I'd like to say about Katie and Feigh, too. I haven't really talked to Feigh 1-1. I've talked to him on a message board a couple of times, but that's it. However when I talk to Katie... she brings out a good side in me. Something very few people can. Today me and her discussed art. Various different techniques... our preferences... hell, I even stopped being the typical 'womanising' Thump and admitted I liked to draw woman because of the shapely figure. I'd just like to say that you've done what only two people have done before... you've done a bloody good job, Katie :)
Digression over.
With Donnie Darko, though... a lot of it confuses me... as it would. Psychological thrillers generally are mysterious in nature. That's the whole idea of them. They're psychological, you end up missing subtle little things which, well, generally you wouldn't usually miss. However, I made a very big mistake today... I watched Donnie Darko, from start to finish, while going through a little depressive bout. I know what brought it on... I guarentee that you people don't. Y'see, incase you haven't watched this film but you're reading this regardless of the spoiler warning, Donnie Darko is absolutely not the film you'd want to watch while depressed... it picks at your mind too much.
So anyway, I was watching it again while being rather angsty and emo. A couple of times I realised that maybe it was how he didn't particularly pay attention in class what drew such a clear image of myself? I never used too. I got too arrogant, I have brains, these people are catering for the bastards who prevent others education... why the hell should I follow suit? On hindsight, I know it to be a mistake... but it's too late to contemplate the moral ramifications now. Maybe it was the fact that he saw things that existed in his head that attracted me to the personality? I'm always interested in psychology, this isn't gonna be any different.
Then it came to the last couple of hours. I realised what it was about the entire film what kept gnawing at me and keeping me coming back for more... it was the girl.
Those of you who have seen the film know that the girl (Bridget? I dunno) and Donnie get together... on Halloween. I know damn well what happens afterwards, but when watching a film like Donnie Darko - you don't care. I swear, everytime I watch it, it's like a new film (Remember how I said there's always subtle things you miss? You miss a hell of a lot of them). Well, when they started kissing that's when it hit me... the passion. One of the seven deadly sins and one of the most lethal things to a relationship. However, with this particular passion... there's a slight twist. It's passion by both parties, a passion which can only be exceeded by hearing your lover whisper "I love you" in your ear.
Now, I've had the 'passion'... I've had people tell me they love me... however what I haven't done is had that moment. The moment where you don't speak of it... it just happens. A kiss turning into more. I've had one night stands where a kiss turned into damn near everything, but that's all that is. Lust. It isn't poetical, it isn't beautiful, it isn't graceful... it's being a slave to your emotions. Which is a product of fear mirite?!
Seriously now. I'm 16. You guys know this. However, I'm a 16 year old with the mind of an 18 year old. You name it, and the chances are I've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and gave it a fucking lapdance for good luck. This is the point where Thump is being serious and the number which verifies the amount of 'years' (time is non-linear, I don't believe it to be linear) means exactly nothing. I've had sex, who the fuck cares? That was always my attitude. Then I grew up and realised that the people who do care, is the girl... I've had non-verbal propositions... I've given non-verbal propositions... however to be able to start kissing and for your partner to realise "We both want it."... I've never had that.
Maybe it's jealousy? I'm jealous of the psychopathic guy on the TV, right? Wrong. I'm not jealous... I've nothing to be jealous of a fictional character. However, it does annoy me how the writers can put that into the script and make it jump out of the TV and say "Admit it... you would kill to have this contact with a female."... that's something special. Granted, I probably sound like a raving lunatic due to complete digression and no sleep... but I know what I'm saying. I get bored easily during relationships... I have this toy I can swing around and play with. Quite frankly, I don't care about it. Sad, isn't it?
Here's where the story really kicks in.
I've made a lot of mistakes... too many, in fact. One I may have made today (don't particularly want to get into it at the momet). Certain mistakes I've made wasn't due to fault of my own. It was due to the fault of others causing me to make these mistakes. I mean, if somebody puts a knife in your hand and forces it into somebody - you aren't the murderer. You didn't do it of your own free will, therefore you couldn't have committed the crime, right? In a perfect world, yeah. That'd be just about right. However speaking on moral terms - you aren't the one in the wrong.
I made a really big mistake not too long ago. I spoke the truth. I have a heart so that heart should be expressed the only way I know how. Verbally, or by pictures. Seeing as I woke up and realised that what I was doing wasn't doing me or her any favours, I immediately set back to correcting them. Remember how I said 'this is where the story kicks in'? I'm jealous, of that fictional character; Donnie Darko, because he had the ability to change the lives of him around him. He corrected his mistakes at the price of his own life. Bittersweet, isn't it? See, the thing is. If I could correct all the times I've made people cry... my family, my friends, my lovers, everybody. My life would be a very small price to give.
The irony about it all is this: Giving my life would only result in more tears. Therefore the act of death would be pointless... because those who loved me would have trouble letting go of me. Letting go of the belief that one day, I might come over to their house and say "Dude, you'll never guess what I did last night...". I know, I've been there before. I've also been at the point in time where I've had such a grievance, the person isn't dead - yet I expect them to come over anyways. I'm sure you've all experienced this. It's like having a dream where you have something, you wake up and go for it but then you realise that's all it was. A dream. Such sweet irony, I find.
All who live, die alone.
See, I'm very quick to judge. If I like a film, I can tell in the first ten, twenty minutes. If it's a long film like Lord of the Rings or King Kong... I'll give it a while. However, Donnie Darko... it wasn't that I was enjoying the film... oh no. There was something about Donnie. The way he acted, talked... those little insecurities. It intrigued me (like all good psychological thrillers should), however it didn't pique at my interest as such... oh no... as pathetic as this is going to sound - I actually felt I could relate to him.
I asked around to check if I was infact, a total and utter lunatic and no, others have said the same. The film was written in such a way, it grabs you and finds a way to draw you in, something you've experienced, maybe somebody you know has experienced... who knows? But the film is written in a way to draw you in; lure you into the trap. Now being able to relate to a character in a film is one thing... feeling his emotion is something completely different. I remember a lot of my life and I acted precisely like Donnie. I know, I know, it's hard to explain. However I did. Can't deny it. People'll probably vouch for that if asked.
Enough of this.
I've been meaning to re-watch Donnie Darko and see what it was what hooked me. When I first watched it, I was under some emotional strain. I still am... I can't deny it, people who don't know me can see it in my eyes. I am not too 'stable' right now... I'm thinking clearly, but it's just these random bouts of depression, angst, whatever the hell you'd like to call it. Today was one of those days. I'd had a rather interesting topic about, well, damn near everything with a friend of mine (Katie) in the afternoon. Seeing as I'd had no sleep, it kind of added to the whole effect. Something I'd like to say about Katie and Feigh, too. I haven't really talked to Feigh 1-1. I've talked to him on a message board a couple of times, but that's it. However when I talk to Katie... she brings out a good side in me. Something very few people can. Today me and her discussed art. Various different techniques... our preferences... hell, I even stopped being the typical 'womanising' Thump and admitted I liked to draw woman because of the shapely figure. I'd just like to say that you've done what only two people have done before... you've done a bloody good job, Katie :)
Digression over.
With Donnie Darko, though... a lot of it confuses me... as it would. Psychological thrillers generally are mysterious in nature. That's the whole idea of them. They're psychological, you end up missing subtle little things which, well, generally you wouldn't usually miss. However, I made a very big mistake today... I watched Donnie Darko, from start to finish, while going through a little depressive bout. I know what brought it on... I guarentee that you people don't. Y'see, incase you haven't watched this film but you're reading this regardless of the spoiler warning, Donnie Darko is absolutely not the film you'd want to watch while depressed... it picks at your mind too much.
So anyway, I was watching it again while being rather angsty and emo. A couple of times I realised that maybe it was how he didn't particularly pay attention in class what drew such a clear image of myself? I never used too. I got too arrogant, I have brains, these people are catering for the bastards who prevent others education... why the hell should I follow suit? On hindsight, I know it to be a mistake... but it's too late to contemplate the moral ramifications now. Maybe it was the fact that he saw things that existed in his head that attracted me to the personality? I'm always interested in psychology, this isn't gonna be any different.
Then it came to the last couple of hours. I realised what it was about the entire film what kept gnawing at me and keeping me coming back for more... it was the girl.
Those of you who have seen the film know that the girl (Bridget? I dunno) and Donnie get together... on Halloween. I know damn well what happens afterwards, but when watching a film like Donnie Darko - you don't care. I swear, everytime I watch it, it's like a new film (Remember how I said there's always subtle things you miss? You miss a hell of a lot of them). Well, when they started kissing that's when it hit me... the passion. One of the seven deadly sins and one of the most lethal things to a relationship. However, with this particular passion... there's a slight twist. It's passion by both parties, a passion which can only be exceeded by hearing your lover whisper "I love you" in your ear.
Now, I've had the 'passion'... I've had people tell me they love me... however what I haven't done is had that moment. The moment where you don't speak of it... it just happens. A kiss turning into more. I've had one night stands where a kiss turned into damn near everything, but that's all that is. Lust. It isn't poetical, it isn't beautiful, it isn't graceful... it's being a slave to your emotions. Which is a product of fear mirite?!
Seriously now. I'm 16. You guys know this. However, I'm a 16 year old with the mind of an 18 year old. You name it, and the chances are I've been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and gave it a fucking lapdance for good luck. This is the point where Thump is being serious and the number which verifies the amount of 'years' (time is non-linear, I don't believe it to be linear) means exactly nothing. I've had sex, who the fuck cares? That was always my attitude. Then I grew up and realised that the people who do care, is the girl... I've had non-verbal propositions... I've given non-verbal propositions... however to be able to start kissing and for your partner to realise "We both want it."... I've never had that.
Maybe it's jealousy? I'm jealous of the psychopathic guy on the TV, right? Wrong. I'm not jealous... I've nothing to be jealous of a fictional character. However, it does annoy me how the writers can put that into the script and make it jump out of the TV and say "Admit it... you would kill to have this contact with a female."... that's something special. Granted, I probably sound like a raving lunatic due to complete digression and no sleep... but I know what I'm saying. I get bored easily during relationships... I have this toy I can swing around and play with. Quite frankly, I don't care about it. Sad, isn't it?
Here's where the story really kicks in.
I've made a lot of mistakes... too many, in fact. One I may have made today (don't particularly want to get into it at the momet). Certain mistakes I've made wasn't due to fault of my own. It was due to the fault of others causing me to make these mistakes. I mean, if somebody puts a knife in your hand and forces it into somebody - you aren't the murderer. You didn't do it of your own free will, therefore you couldn't have committed the crime, right? In a perfect world, yeah. That'd be just about right. However speaking on moral terms - you aren't the one in the wrong.
I made a really big mistake not too long ago. I spoke the truth. I have a heart so that heart should be expressed the only way I know how. Verbally, or by pictures. Seeing as I woke up and realised that what I was doing wasn't doing me or her any favours, I immediately set back to correcting them. Remember how I said 'this is where the story kicks in'? I'm jealous, of that fictional character; Donnie Darko, because he had the ability to change the lives of him around him. He corrected his mistakes at the price of his own life. Bittersweet, isn't it? See, the thing is. If I could correct all the times I've made people cry... my family, my friends, my lovers, everybody. My life would be a very small price to give.
The irony about it all is this: Giving my life would only result in more tears. Therefore the act of death would be pointless... because those who loved me would have trouble letting go of me. Letting go of the belief that one day, I might come over to their house and say "Dude, you'll never guess what I did last night...". I know, I've been there before. I've also been at the point in time where I've had such a grievance, the person isn't dead - yet I expect them to come over anyways. I'm sure you've all experienced this. It's like having a dream where you have something, you wake up and go for it but then you realise that's all it was. A dream. Such sweet irony, I find.
All who live, die alone.
posted by Thump at 7:51 pm
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