That's right, I forgot I hated people. (25/07/07)
So, I got a phone call off of Briggsy, right? Y'know, the guy who I wrote about one entry ago? Anyway, he said "Dude, party at mine! B.Y.O.B! Bring Alex! Oh, it's fancy dress!" right? Now, as you all know, I'm a borderline alcoholic as it is, however what you may not know is my hatred for humanity... well, the alcohol has killed enough braincells to get rid of that hatred.
Now, I had twenty pounds which doesn't go very far when it comes to buying alcohol... unless you're buying from Netto, or (as I chose) out of date beer. Eight cans of Murphys Stout, I was also drinking on Pro Plus (which as I learned is a bad idea). Now, a drunken Viking is to be expected. A drunken Christian, however... that's just damn funny. Even funnier is when said drunken Christian is arrested for none other than - believe it or not - drunken disorderly.
Anyway, nothing much happened apart from me explaining toungue piercings to Briggsy's girlfriend (Teigan), and having a theological debate with a woman (She was Buddhist) about why Odinism > All. I don't actually remember much of that. I remember almost throwing up as I took a shot of Tequila covered in salt... and tasted salt for the next hour and a half (how I wasn't sick is beyond me, all I know is that I really disliked salty Tequila, smokes and stout).
Anyway, somebody threw the fuck up all over the nice clean beige carpet... which I actually found quite funny... mainly because for once it wasn't me! Oh, the drunken Christian blew the lightbulb in the living room by smashing the Guitar Hero guitar off it... unintentionally of course.
Funniest thing of all was when my girlfriend wanted to go to the 24 hour garage. This was when the serious fun kicked off. She was upstairs for some reason or another and wanted me upstairs, so I went up like an obedient little drunken monkey. I asked for a hug before she went and she (jokingly) said "No, I don't want to hug you!", naturally I retorted with "Give me a fucking hug, woman!" only to have some little fucktard (who was standing behind me) shout "Don't you fucking dare talk to a woman like that!".
Does this motherfucker understand the meaning of that rare, but beautiful word: "Joke"? Alex actually laughed and gave me a hug and kiss about a second before this fucker said that shit to me. Naturally, I turned around and said: "I very much beg your fucking pardon? You're telling me not to have a joke with my girlfriend?", he realised that he had in fact made a mistake and apologised... for the moment. Just as well, really. There was an open window with a rather nice drop directly behind him.
More shit went on in the night and I challenged some girl to disprove the fact that she was skinnier than me. She laughed at my remark and immediately set out to become the skinnier of the two skinny fuckers. Alex (whom was on the other side of the room) said something about a 28 inch waist being a size 10 in womans clothing. I turned to her, raised my voice so she could hear me over the din of the party and said "Okay babe, thank you, now shush!" again, it was said in a humerous tone.
Again... "I fucking told you once before, don't you fucking dare talk to a woman like that!". This time? I fucking snapped. I had enough to drink to not care about what trouble I got into, but I hadn't had enough not to care about what trouble Briggs gets into. You can't explain away dried blood on a beige carpet, now can you?
"And I've fucking told you once before, don't you fucking dare talk to me like that! If I had fucking tits and a cunt you wouldn't talk to me like that, because in your eyes, if you have tits and a fucking cunt you're a perfect fucking being!". By this point the people who knew me realised I was about to grab this fucker by the throat and smash his face against my fist. They knew I meant buisness.
It's also worth noting that Alex had mysteriously dissapeared when this kicked off.
"You don't raise your voice to a woman!"
"You don't raise your fucking voice to me, dipshit. Take a fucking walk with me, I'll show you who the fuck you're dealing with."
By this point, I was the bastard, almost everybody at that party thought me some kind of wife beater... which I'm not. I've grown up with that shit and I'm not going to fucking do what I've been afraid of all my life, am I?
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" said the homosexual.
"Everything you could ever dream to be, now talk to me with a bit of fucking respect or I'll rip your fucking throat out."
By this point a metrosexual barman who could only get a job in Ibiza had jumped in front of me. A bouncer got hold of the other guy and basically demanded he shut the fuck up before I got hold of him, because if I did, I would kill him.
Sadly this fucker made the biggest mistake and basically everybody began shouting abuse at me about how I was out of order. Now, I'm sorry, but nobody deserves to feel the way I did. It was possibly the biggest mind fuck I've been in. I seriously felt like I was about 2 foot tall, not a nice place to be. I explained my place to the Ibizan Superman who wouldn't even make eye contact with me (please remember, he's English, but he can't get a job in Britain because he's an arsehole, basically).
I grabbed my shit, turned to Paddy, said I was going. He grabbed my coat and told me to ignore them and stay, he knew to let go when I said that the fucker over there is going to get strung up by his testicles and slowly disembowled with the bluntest object I can find. I said goodbye to Jacko and just as I heard "You're a fucking arsehole, I'm taking that woman from you!" I saw red. I didn't hit out at him for some reason... I think I was taken aback so much that I couldn't actually do anything. I took a couple of steps forward and said "Your time will come, and your final breath will be taken by me. It might not be now, it might not be tomorrow, but I can assure you that I'll show you pain like you've never felt before if you so much as touch my woman. You've just made your fucking funeral arrangements.".
I turned and walked... I've no idea why... I just walked. I didn't stop walking, with exception to punching the walls and garden fences (I've took my entire right arm out of action due to that). I can't even count the amount of fences I put holes in... but by the pain in my arms and state of my knuckles, I don't actually want to know.
I walked... from sunny Shiremoor to Wallsend (a good eleven or twelve mile at least) which is where I found a friend who gave me a lift to Walkergate... I then walked back from there.
I remember hearing Briggs shout my name, but he knows better than most to leave me be when I'm that pissed off. I apologise for any shit I caused you, Briggs, but that fucker needed to keep his nose out of my buisness and as I said, I wasn't going to make matters worse by disrespecting your house.
Why am I writing about this? Because of the idiocy in so many people. If you have breasts, you're just as flawed as a man. You aren't perfect, nothing is perfect. It has now been proven that woman are as equal if not more promiscuous than men. This annoys me to hell and back because I've been on the receiving end of cheating whores... however now? I think these idiotic men who think that a bad word should not be said about females should be lined up and shot. This bastard caused a huge fucking argument between me and Alex and everybody else.
If you ever read this? You are a dead man. I will fucking kill you regardless of what you say or do. You crossed the fucking line and if you come over to my side, you're signing your own death certificate. I will take your final breath. Chivalry is dead, it was never alive. It's simply a romantisised idea and for choosing such a stupid fucking stance, I'll kill you on general principle.
Moral of the story: If you have tits you're only perfect in the eyes of idiots. So do me a favour and kill them before I get hold of them.
Now, I had twenty pounds which doesn't go very far when it comes to buying alcohol... unless you're buying from Netto, or (as I chose) out of date beer. Eight cans of Murphys Stout, I was also drinking on Pro Plus (which as I learned is a bad idea). Now, a drunken Viking is to be expected. A drunken Christian, however... that's just damn funny. Even funnier is when said drunken Christian is arrested for none other than - believe it or not - drunken disorderly.
Anyway, nothing much happened apart from me explaining toungue piercings to Briggsy's girlfriend (Teigan), and having a theological debate with a woman (She was Buddhist) about why Odinism > All. I don't actually remember much of that. I remember almost throwing up as I took a shot of Tequila covered in salt... and tasted salt for the next hour and a half (how I wasn't sick is beyond me, all I know is that I really disliked salty Tequila, smokes and stout).
Anyway, somebody threw the fuck up all over the nice clean beige carpet... which I actually found quite funny... mainly because for once it wasn't me! Oh, the drunken Christian blew the lightbulb in the living room by smashing the Guitar Hero guitar off it... unintentionally of course.
Funniest thing of all was when my girlfriend wanted to go to the 24 hour garage. This was when the serious fun kicked off. She was upstairs for some reason or another and wanted me upstairs, so I went up like an obedient little drunken monkey. I asked for a hug before she went and she (jokingly) said "No, I don't want to hug you!", naturally I retorted with "Give me a fucking hug, woman!" only to have some little fucktard (who was standing behind me) shout "Don't you fucking dare talk to a woman like that!".
Does this motherfucker understand the meaning of that rare, but beautiful word: "Joke"? Alex actually laughed and gave me a hug and kiss about a second before this fucker said that shit to me. Naturally, I turned around and said: "I very much beg your fucking pardon? You're telling me not to have a joke with my girlfriend?", he realised that he had in fact made a mistake and apologised... for the moment. Just as well, really. There was an open window with a rather nice drop directly behind him.
More shit went on in the night and I challenged some girl to disprove the fact that she was skinnier than me. She laughed at my remark and immediately set out to become the skinnier of the two skinny fuckers. Alex (whom was on the other side of the room) said something about a 28 inch waist being a size 10 in womans clothing. I turned to her, raised my voice so she could hear me over the din of the party and said "Okay babe, thank you, now shush!" again, it was said in a humerous tone.
Again... "I fucking told you once before, don't you fucking dare talk to a woman like that!". This time? I fucking snapped. I had enough to drink to not care about what trouble I got into, but I hadn't had enough not to care about what trouble Briggs gets into. You can't explain away dried blood on a beige carpet, now can you?
"And I've fucking told you once before, don't you fucking dare talk to me like that! If I had fucking tits and a cunt you wouldn't talk to me like that, because in your eyes, if you have tits and a fucking cunt you're a perfect fucking being!". By this point the people who knew me realised I was about to grab this fucker by the throat and smash his face against my fist. They knew I meant buisness.
It's also worth noting that Alex had mysteriously dissapeared when this kicked off.
"You don't raise your voice to a woman!"
"You don't raise your fucking voice to me, dipshit. Take a fucking walk with me, I'll show you who the fuck you're dealing with."
By this point, I was the bastard, almost everybody at that party thought me some kind of wife beater... which I'm not. I've grown up with that shit and I'm not going to fucking do what I've been afraid of all my life, am I?
"Who the fuck do you think you are?" said the homosexual.
"Everything you could ever dream to be, now talk to me with a bit of fucking respect or I'll rip your fucking throat out."
By this point a metrosexual barman who could only get a job in Ibiza had jumped in front of me. A bouncer got hold of the other guy and basically demanded he shut the fuck up before I got hold of him, because if I did, I would kill him.
Sadly this fucker made the biggest mistake and basically everybody began shouting abuse at me about how I was out of order. Now, I'm sorry, but nobody deserves to feel the way I did. It was possibly the biggest mind fuck I've been in. I seriously felt like I was about 2 foot tall, not a nice place to be. I explained my place to the Ibizan Superman who wouldn't even make eye contact with me (please remember, he's English, but he can't get a job in Britain because he's an arsehole, basically).
I grabbed my shit, turned to Paddy, said I was going. He grabbed my coat and told me to ignore them and stay, he knew to let go when I said that the fucker over there is going to get strung up by his testicles and slowly disembowled with the bluntest object I can find. I said goodbye to Jacko and just as I heard "You're a fucking arsehole, I'm taking that woman from you!" I saw red. I didn't hit out at him for some reason... I think I was taken aback so much that I couldn't actually do anything. I took a couple of steps forward and said "Your time will come, and your final breath will be taken by me. It might not be now, it might not be tomorrow, but I can assure you that I'll show you pain like you've never felt before if you so much as touch my woman. You've just made your fucking funeral arrangements.".
I turned and walked... I've no idea why... I just walked. I didn't stop walking, with exception to punching the walls and garden fences (I've took my entire right arm out of action due to that). I can't even count the amount of fences I put holes in... but by the pain in my arms and state of my knuckles, I don't actually want to know.
I walked... from sunny Shiremoor to Wallsend (a good eleven or twelve mile at least) which is where I found a friend who gave me a lift to Walkergate... I then walked back from there.
I remember hearing Briggs shout my name, but he knows better than most to leave me be when I'm that pissed off. I apologise for any shit I caused you, Briggs, but that fucker needed to keep his nose out of my buisness and as I said, I wasn't going to make matters worse by disrespecting your house.
Why am I writing about this? Because of the idiocy in so many people. If you have breasts, you're just as flawed as a man. You aren't perfect, nothing is perfect. It has now been proven that woman are as equal if not more promiscuous than men. This annoys me to hell and back because I've been on the receiving end of cheating whores... however now? I think these idiotic men who think that a bad word should not be said about females should be lined up and shot. This bastard caused a huge fucking argument between me and Alex and everybody else.
If you ever read this? You are a dead man. I will fucking kill you regardless of what you say or do. You crossed the fucking line and if you come over to my side, you're signing your own death certificate. I will take your final breath. Chivalry is dead, it was never alive. It's simply a romantisised idea and for choosing such a stupid fucking stance, I'll kill you on general principle.
Moral of the story: If you have tits you're only perfect in the eyes of idiots. So do me a favour and kill them before I get hold of them.
posted by Thump at 9:55 am
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