Drunks. (30/06/07)

Though I know I have little right to talk about alcohol abuse (I'm probably the biggest binge drinker in Newcastle), I've only just realised how big the problem is. It's actually quite terrifying how much people can drink (and how much people think they can drink), and it's even more terrifying to see the effects. Now, don't get me wrong, like I said before I enjoy a hefty drink now and again... but holy shit, in the past couple of nights I've been terrified by what I've seen.

At college, the course leader arranged an after show party for the students to essentially get rat arsed after a show well done! The Performing Arts students followed the course leader to where he held it (a pub called the Salsa Café), the Music students had other ideas. We went for a drink or two at the Salsa Café and we had decided to bugar off to a cheaper pub. Turns out that pub was shit and after my friends pulled me away from what was about to be a fight we headed home.

No, that's wrong, because we only went home to wait for a certain somebody to fuck off. We went clubbing.

After drinking... I don't know how many Red Pigs (Quite nice, surprisingly. It's a kind of alco-pop/caffiene drink mixture. Like a strawberry flavoured Red Bull... very high sugar content too. My teeth were melting the next morning) and half a fight later (nothing to do with me, I was the one helping break it up and calm a female down... and no, I didn't fuck her) we called it a night. We went back to Briggsies to help him finish his 60 bottles of Budweiser. I'm not too fond of Lager (what the Americans call 'beer') and to cut a long story short, I remember... about 30 minutes of getting back to Briggsies. In chronological order (or not) I'll tell you what I think happened.

1. We get back to Briggsies house after talking a rather nice Taxi driver into going a fair few miles for £14.60. Briggsy didn't have his key so we had to knock his step dad up.

2. I found Briggsies guitar.

3. Paddy needed to go to sleep, as did Alex. Alex had work in the morning, Paddy just couldn't drink.

4. Me and Briggs hit the drink and talk to a girl called "Teigan" on MSN. Don't tell anybody but Briggsy wants to fuck her senseless.

5. We download Gogol Bordello's album in order to judge whether or not it was worth buying. I would love to tell you whether it is or not, but we don't actually know where it was downloaded to. Waste of time, really.

6. We have a smoke. Briggsy shows me where abouts we need to put our cigarette dumps, and we smoke. I sit on Briggsies dirt bike. Zehr comfortable.

7. We drink more. Listen to some Saxon and check up on Alex and Paddy (this may have happened earlier in the night... I think before listening to Saxon and before even considering smoking). I give Alex a cuddle and a kiss as Briggsy climbs into bed with Paddy and tells him how much he loves him. He may have tried to rape him, though I'm not entirely sure.

8. I drink more than Briggs and demand he catches up.

9. We have another smoke and somehow end up talking about how he wants to fuck somebody on his bike. Though not sure how, I end up with my legs wrapped around him... he may have been demonstrating, but I can assure you he didn't fuck me. My trousers were up and I was not imitating John Wayne in the morning. I also remember Briggs falling off the bike (stationary, I might add) and for some reason me and him pissing ourselves laughing at something... though I don't remember what... hmm.

10. I ask Briggs if I could have a cup of tea and go outside (presumably to be sick. I was sick twice outside to memory). Briggs asks if I'm okay, I agree and head back in.

11. I forget how hot freshly made tea is and burn my mouth on my first sip. I ask for a bucket or something to throw up in, head upstairs and proceed to throw up in bed. Alex complains.

11 points that I remember, apparantly at about 9am they all tried to wake me up... remember that I started being sick at about 7:30 in the morning and thusly stopped drinking. Now, an hour and a half (I think...) after I went to sleep and these fuckers are trying to wake me up! What in the fuck? I'm still drunk! Leave me to fucking sleep! Briggs actually asked me to wake up... nicely. He has no idea how much I enjoy sleep.

From what Alex and Briggs told me this is what happened (in no particular order... I have no idea what order it is in):

1. Briggsy whispers at me to wake me up (phail).

2. Briggsy pinches my ear (phail).

3. Briggsy shakes me (phail).

4. Presumably somebody holds my nose... (insta-phail, I could probably breath out of my ear if needs be)

5. Somebody slapped me (phail).

6. Briggsy lifted the bed up... described by Alex as 'bicep (sp?) curls' (phail).

7. Paddy reccomends somebody jump on me. (Hint to all. Never do this. You'll see me jump out of bed, throw you through the wall and go back to sleep).

More probably happened, but they are the main things I was told about and laughed about. All I remember of the next morning was Briggsies step dad finding the state I was in funny and asking me to send him Local Hero to his phone.

Two days later and I'm back out drinking. It may be seen as a problem, but I'm just hardcore.

I went out with one idea in mind: To drink as much as I can and then sleep. That's what happened! Mission Accomplished!

The difference between me and other binge drinkers? I don't get violent. Those who do are allergic to alcohol or are just general idiots. So make sure, when you see one to beat them over the head with your idiot stick (the hardest thing you can find or that is within reach. If that happens to be the car your driving, so be it!) and laugh at them.

Now get drunk.