Thump "does" London. (27/09/06)

IMPORTANT NOTE: The following entry is not likely to substantiate any form of grammar (other than bad) as I haven't slept properly for 48 hours.

So, some of you may know that a couple of months back I acquired two tickets to see Blind Guardian at The Electric Ballroom in London. If you didn't know? Well, now you do. Feel privileged!

Anyway, my ex girlfriend was due to come with me... but we broke up. So, my new girlfriend was due to come with me... but she couldn't be arsed. Then I texted my friend from the Internet Terrorist Group Known As LUE to come with me but his phone number is now... not that number anymore, I guess. Then I texted another friend from the same Internet Terrorist Group Known As LUE and he said: "Hell yeah!" and he became the proud owner of the 98th ticket that was sold.

I'm going to be doing a sort of obligatory review of the show and an obligatory "Thump did London and paid for it" thing. Should be fun.

So, I was waiting outside the venue and just hanging about smoking my cancer sticks and waiting for the band to come out for long enough to sign my ticket and who walks out? Marcus! I glanced at him and said to myself: "Oh, hey! It's Marcus!"... then I had to double take and I said: "Holy shit, it's Marcus!"... I froze. I never get star struck, but today I did. The one member I always said I wouldn't be too bothered about, I was incredibly bothered about. My heart stopped beating, I'm sure.

Anyway, by the time I pulled the ticket and pen out - he'd buggared off back into the venue. Shit! Oh well, there's always later, I suppose. I went into the pub just next door and ordered myself about six pints of Guinness and calmly got pissed. Once I'd finished getting pissed I went back out and met my friend, Izzy. We were having a bit of a chinwag (as us Brits do) about tea and crumpets and scones when I suddenly felt somebody move behind me... I turned around and André was there!

Trying to get through a locked door.

So, he muttered something to himself which sounded like: "Open...?". Then my good friend Izzy turned to him and said "The door is further down there, mate.", I said "Hey! André!" and then my mind had a panic attack again. "...or is it Marcus?". Now, I've always told the difference between the two because André has a bigger nose than Marcus... I know, cruel but it's my way of differentiating.

Now, even though my mind had mistaken one of my favourite guitarists for the other guitarist... he still smiled and said: "André". He looked flattered that I even recognised him as a member of Blind Guardian. Anyway, the whole deal of signing tickets came into mind and I remembered I was yet to get one signature on my ticket... as André was beginning to walk away. "Oh shit! André! Could you do me a favour? ...André? ANDRÉ! ...for the love of Odin, he is a dick.".

Then I hit upon the idea that maybe he didn't actually speak English... but then I remembered that André wrote many songs for Blind Guardian... then I got confused. But again, I failed to realise that Hansi could have just translated... oh well.

After seeing my good buddy Herman Li walk past me (I didn't talk to him, most people know of my disgust for DragonForce nowadays... but Izzy still doesn't believe me that it was Herman...), I shrugged it off and got on with the wait. Once we got in, we immediately checked out the Venue to see how big it was and how good of a view we were going to get of the stage... a pretty awesome one, as a matter of fact.

I set after buying myself a Blind Guardian t-shirt and finally got myself a sexy looking Twist in the Myth one. We hung about upstairs on the balcony where we would watch the performance take place and then I notice Astral Doors had walked on stage. Oh shit. I looked forward to seeing these guys perform but the guitarist pumped the crowd up more than the vocalist did. The vocalist just stood their looking like a hunchback and it appeared he had a case of (what Guitarists call) sticky elbow.

If his arm had outstretched fully for more than two seconds I think his heart would have ceased.

I don't know what they were playing but the guitarist had his head so far up his own arse he was eating what was left of his undigested lunch. I didn't enjoy the performance at all. I can't say I'm a fan of Astral Doors, I can't say I'd ever want to meet them, I can't say I'd be upset if they stopped making music, it was stock, bland, boring and quite frankly the most irritating thing I've ever heard in my life. Reminds me of another band I saw who I took an almost instantaneous dislike too... Sabaton.

Anyway, they finally fucked off and those stupid, stupid, idiotic southerners started chanting something... I couldn't believe my ears for about five minutes... they were chanting: "Hail! Hail! Hail and Kill!" over and over again... wait, this is a Blind Guardian gig... why are they chanting a Manowar song? It persisted: "Hail! Hail! Hail and Kill!"... what the fuck?! Then I lost my temper... all day I'd been hiding the fact I wasn't from London and was in fact a Geordie but now I had snapped.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM YOU STUPID SOUTHERN PONSES?! THIS IS NOT A FUCKING MANOWAR SHOW! THIS IS BLIND GUARDIAN, NOW STOP BEING FUCKING INBRED RETARDS BEFORE I COME DOWN THEIR AND FUCKING KILL THE LOT OF YOU!"

It worked! They stopped chanting it!

Pretty much everybody knows I'm a power metal vocalist. Pretty much everybody knows I have quite good pitch... so when some stupid fucking southern ponse pushes their voice into falsetto (not impressive, it's the voice men do most of the time when imitating a woman) and forces a 'METAL LIVES FOREVER!' out, I turned to Izzy and said: "Should I put him to shame or not?". I realised the cheer that he had gotten for doing that pathetic attempt... but I decided not to push my luck. I had an entire gig of singing to go yet, to kill my voice this early would be fucking stupid.

SETLIST:

Astral Doors:

Crap music for agonising amount of time.

Blind Guardian:

1 The War of Wrath

2 Into the Storm

3 Born in a Mourning Hall

4 Nightfall

5 Fly

6 Valhalla

7 When Time Stands Still (At the Iron Hill)

8 Script for my Requiem

9 Bright Eyes

10 This Will Never End

11 And Then There Was Silence

---------

12 Welcome to Dying

13 Another Stranger, Me

14 Imaginations from the Other Side

---------

15 The Bards Song

16 Mirror, Mirror

And eventually the light was flickered four times and the War of Wrath echoed around the venue. Holy shit, this gave me shivers. It was an elongated version too! The battle sounds at the beginning were looped a couple of times and some dialogue I hadn't heard before was playing. I stared at the stage hoping they'd hurry up and come out. I started chanting along with the speakers and got lost in the moment.

Then I noticed it... somebody at the side of the stage was making tea! This was incredible! I know Hansi likes his cups of tea, but I wasn't expecting him to actually drink it on fucking stage! I was a little shocked and eventually shrugged it all off. I watched Fred wander out, I watched André walking out (I still hadn't forgiven him for not signing my ticket therefore I shouted abuse at him). I watched Marcus wander out... but where was Hansi? The man I'd been dying to see in flesh and blood for five years.

He walked out just before he began singing... the energy and sheer electricity that the crowd had worked up by this point was incredible. I felt my eyes well up and I couldn't help a couple of tears fall, do I regret crying at a Blind Guardian gig? No, I don't. It's something you have to experience to understand, and this was the first time it happened to me.

Into the Storm was sung in a hushed voice, kind of got to me a little bit, but I realised that during the solo Hansi walked to have a cup of tea and complained his ear piece wasn't working properly, once he'd finished the song he got another ear piece for the rest of the gig and all was well. Though I'm not sure whether or not this was a way to warm his voice up for the screams (every now and again he'd scream certain words and sentences), either way, it was an awesome song and the excitement I was feeling at this point? It was pretty difficult to feel let down.

After Into the Storm Hansi turned to the crowed and said: "Wow! It's great to finally be here in London! And it's only taken us 20 years!"... something about the accent I think... I don't know, but I couldn't stop laughing.

I can't remember when about it was (it's now the Saturday after the gig as I'm finishing this off, I was too tired to actually write it all the night I started) but the whole "Hail and Kill" thing? It was repeated. "BATTLE HYMNS! BATTLE HYMNS!", chanted a group of retarded Londoners. Hansi kind of looked a little at them and the confusion was apparent. He turned and said "I've no fucking idea what you're talking about" and laughed to himself.

The cheer I gave was incredible.

The laughter I gave was even better.

"We heard you guys singing this when we were backstage waiting to come on and we decided we couldn't rob you of this one."

Valhalla.

Anyway, Hansi made a mistake with Valhalla that I thought he wouldn't have dared attempt again... not since the Imaginations through the Looking Glass recording, anyway. It was a funny thing, but he did it anyway... he let us, the fans, sing the outro. You're a stupid man, Hansi. For the next ten to fifteen minutes all you heard was: "Valhalla! Deliverance! Why've you ever forgotten me?"... and I'm sure this happened through various points in the show, too.

It was around Nightfall when I realised something at the back of the stage, which was a lighting unit which had patterns and images being projected onto it, it really gave the mythical sense that you had entered a different world within the hall that this incredible music was being played in. On the bonus DVD of Imaginations Through the Looking Glass Hansi praised the Lighting engineer for adding an entirely different element to the show by doing the light show on the circular screen which was at a 45 degree angle on the top of the stage. He said it was a show inside a show... I laughed at the thought.

Then I seen this. At one point I turned to Izzy and said "I'm not sure what to watch. The band or the screen...". It was absolutely incredible. Valleys, faces, drawings... everything. It really did add a different twist to the show and I absolutely loved it. I swear to Odin, this was a night I could never forget. Even if I grow out of Metal, I think I'll still consider this the best concert I'm ever likely to witness. I wish I could see it again, truth be told.

The thing what really made me giggle was the fact that When Time Stands Still was played, we actually sang "At the AYE-RON hill". I thought it was hilarious.

The entire show was incredible, I honestly don't have the time to sing praises about the whole gig, I'll add to it now and then when stories come up, but I don't think I'll get all the details I want to get into it. All I know is that I waited five years for the best show I'm ever likely to see in my whole life, regardless of what may have went wrong, I doubt it would spoil the incredible night that was Tuesday the twenty sixth of September, twenty zero six.

It's now 25th November... and I've decided I couldn't rob any of you guys of a full, song-by-song review of the gig. That and I just don't want to forget the night, it was seriously that fucking awesome.

1 The War of Wrath

Already gone into.

2 Into the Storm

Already gone into. But, just for you faithful readers, I've decided it'd be best to elaborate.

I first heard this song on Imaginations Through the Looking Glass. I can't say I feel any less for the song, I still think it's incredible and even though it was sang in a foreign way, it felt more of a 'calm before the storm'. I don't care what anybody thinks, seeing these guys perform live is fucking amazing and seeing them perform a song any different from the way it was recorded is just another version of the song. Still incredible.

Something that struck me as kind of strange, actually. During the first guitar fill, Andre's guitar seemed to be turned right down, I mean, I couldn't actually hear the lead in to the solo, then on the second bar the wah pedal clicked in and I got a strange feeling... sort of like ejaculating all over somebody for the first time.

Needless to say, I apologised profusely as the man in question was rather big and scary.

3 Born in a Mourning Hall

"I will have to become melancholy for a while, BORN IN A MOURNING HALL!" ~ Hansi Kursch

One of my favourites from Imaginations from the Other Side for a long time after I managed to get a hold of the album. It was sang pretty much the same way as it was recorded, Hansi hit every note perfectly, I can't even think of something bad in this track. It was played so fucking tight it was unbelievable. Hansi really started hitting the high notes in this song and in comparison to Into the Storm? It was absolutely fuckin' awe inspiring.

4 Nightfall

"Now I know you are not cowards, so would you come with us into the land of Mordor and see what happens after Nightfall" ~ Hansi Kursch

This is a song I was dying to see, I had only just recently learned the lead to the entire track and was pretty hyped up to see it live. All I can say is it didn't disappoint and my throat is still in agony from singing it. This is when I first noticed the screen, and when I realised the work put into the light show alone. Travelling through valley's and every now and again a picture of (what I thought to be) Morgoth would show and dissolve in a variety of different ways. Sometimes it would burn, other times it would dissolve... truly incredible.

5 Fly

"This song is off the new album, A Twist in the Myth that some of you may have heard, some of you may have not. I would like to take you all on a journey... but you must... Fly" ~ Hansi Kursch

In all honesty? The only reason I wanted to see this song live was to see how it was played as I had just began tabbing it out at the time. Not like it mattered as I fucking forgot to watch the guitars. Still, it was an unexpected gem when it was played live. Though I wasn't too keen on the idea they had with the lighting show... "STOP!" then it would go into some tye-dye shit as a transition and then it would flash "BE QUIET NOW!", and so on, and so on.

6 Valhalla

"We heard you guys singing this when we were backstage waiting to come on and we decided we couldn't rob you of this one. VALHALLA!" ~ Hansi Kursch

The first ever guitar riff I learned by Blind Guardian, plus with my being Norse this song holds a special place in my heart for obvious reasons. I think something snapped when this was played... I just went completely apeshit. Swearing allegiance to Thor and such... seriously.

7 When Time Stands Still (At the Iron Hill)

"When Time Stands Still At the AYE-RON Hill, come on!" ~ Hansi Kursch playing with pronunciation.

Nothing much to say about this song other then the fact that the energy was kicking into hyper drive at this point. It felt as though the show had just started and I think we had all agreed that we would stay all night if that's what it would take to tire ourselves out. Great song to get us going, well, at this point it was more of 'keeping us going', not like it mattered - we were far from done. Though I couldn't stop laughing when I sang 'aye-ron'...

8 Script for my Requiem

"I have wrote many things in my time, songs, poems and scripts... and I would like to announce this is the Script for my! REQUIEM!" ~ Hansi Kursch

I remember this song being my fall back song for when I would fall out of love with Born in a Mourning Hall. Needless to say it quickly became my favourite. This was another song I was dying to see played live. Though I would have been happier if A Past and Future Secret was included on the set list somewhere... still, the night was only in it's teen's.

9 Bright Eyes

"Can we get the lights on the audience for a minute? No? Oh well, nothing we can do about it, I guess. Though I'd love to see all your shiny Bright... Eyes..." ~ Hansi Kursch

I don't know why I was so hyped up for this song; I think I would have preferred to hear Mordred's Song being played in its stead, but hey! I'm not fucking complaining! Mainly because Bright Eyes is a song that always struck a chord with me... though I've no idea why. Possibly because I think the eyes are the most seductive area on a human body... some subconscious thing, most likely. Again, Hansi fucking nailed this song. It was absolutely amazing to hear it, and again, I may have felt a lump forge in my throat.

10 This Will Never End

"The night is coming to a close, but I sincerely wish that This Will Never End!" ~ Hansi Kursch

I particularly enjoyed this song, mainly for egos sake. I'd just completed tabbing this song out and took great pride in realising how accurate I was becoming at tabbing. The second I heard this song when the album was leaked I turned to my cousin Dom and said: "Thank fuck these guys have done a song like this. I was so disappointed when I first heard Welcome to Dying on ITtLG to find the chorus was fast when I was expecting an almost slurge tempo.", and I always said it would be a great live song.

Not for the first time, I was right.

11 And Then There Was Silence

"That's the end of the show. I know, I know, there's nothing I can do about it, I'm afraid. We have to get to Dublin and it's a long trip! However! We do have one final gift for you. And Then There Was... Silence..." ~ Hansi Kursch

Holy... fucking... shit. The first album I ever got hold of by Blind Guardian was A Night at the Opera and I have to admit, this was the first song to really catch me and make me think: "Fuck me, this is awesome.". This song is really to thank for my love of this band and to see it live is only to be topped off by performing it with Blind Guardian (Not yet, unfortunately). There isn't anything I can really say about this song played live other than the disappointment I felt when me and Izzy happened to be the only audible people in the venue to sing "Iliad!" during the break in the chorus.

Then I did something stupid.

I believed it was the end of the show. I think I was a little nervous being in a foreign city and forgot everything I'd learned about gigs. Example: 10 songs isn't the end of the show - it's the beginning. The show isn't over until the lights come up and the crew disassemble the equipment.

I'm a fucking idiot.

12 Welcome to Dying

"Alright, alright. We do have a few more songs to play for you all. Welcome to! *crowd* DYING! *Hansi* I said: Welcome to! *crowd* DYING! *Hansi* What, you're not familiar with this one? WELCOME TO! *crowd* DYING! *Hansi* Welcome to dying!" ~ Hansi Kursch

Eh... well, this is one song I wasn't hyped up about. If you want to know why, look at This will Never End. Also, let's face it; Guardian have done much better songs than this... Majesty, for example... A Past and Future Secret... hint hint.

13 Another Stranger, Me

"This is the second single from A Twist in the Myth. Another Stranger... Me." ~ Hansi Kursch

Wow, this song is pretty incredible. I never really noticed it until it was shown live. Absolutely incredible, great riff, great vocals, great lyrics, great song. I then realised the lighting show was playing the video for the song... again, I was torn between the band and the screen. I ended up half heartedly focusing on the drums so I could see a bit of both.

Better than nothing, right?

14 Imaginations from the Other Side

"This really is the last song, guys. You've been a wonderful audience and it's been a great experience. Imaginations from the Other Side!" ~ Hansi Kursch

I was actually torn with this song. I was all hyped up for it... then I realised that I didn't really care that much... mainly because they hadn't played Majesty (Despite mine and Izzy's efforts to start a chat <_<). That and he tried to fool us again about the whole 'walk off' thing. Great song, though. Really made me appreciate the lengths these guys go too to make a song great... and believe me, they do it every fucking time.

Again, the night was still not over. The next song was in the back of our minds all the time, and yet it was kind of unexpected. One of the best experiences of my life was about to begin and I still didn't entirely expect it.

15 The Bards Song

"We know that this is a song you have been waiting for, and it's a song we've wanted to play for you for a long time. Let's sing The Bards Song..." ~ Hansi Kursch

This song... my god, I loved it. It's always going to be a crowd pleaser and it's always going to be a song that gives the Guardian's a chance to appreciate the fans and the love and commitment we all harbour for Blind Guardian. Hansi started us off: "Now we all know...", we followed suit. "The bards and their songs..." Hansi only chimed in with: "But the bards song still remains". I'll admit, I had tears rolling down my face and onto the people below singing this. It was one of those moments where I'd been waiting for it for the best part of five years, now I'm here, I'm singing the song, staring at two of my idols, in the company of my brothers of metal.

It was a solemn moment for me, and I'm sure the rest of the guys and girls in the hall too. We all sang it in unison. It wasn't over enthusiastic, it was just... beautiful. It was all in tune, all in harmony, I don't even think you could have picked out a single voice that stood out... it was just beautiful. Absolutely perfect. I can't even describe how it felt... it was just such a release, like having a pint of Guinness after a hard days work. Incredible. Hell, I'm getting shivers just thinking about those few minutes. I wish I could see it all over again.

It's also worth noting that Hansi stood with both hands on the microphone, held lightly over his heart, staring into the audience, into all the different tiers of the hall, into every fans eyes it felt... it looked as though he was about to break a silent tear of joy himself. Join the club, man, I've been crying for the past two minutes. It was incredible to see the appreciation the man had for his fans, I noticed at one point we had eye contact and I raised my fist to him. He smiled and nodded and gazed into the spot where me and Izzy was standing and then began singing again, then? Then he let us finish the song off.

Incredible man.

16 Mirror, Mirror

"It's been great playing with you all, or should I say playing for you all! *sniggers* I hope we can come back very soon and pay tribute to all you wonderful fans. Let us end the night on a high note, shall we? MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL, COME ON!" ~ Hansi Kursch

Without doubt, we all knew the night had indeed drew to a close, and we didn't even care. This song gave us all the reason we needed to go completely. Fucking. Insane. Everything went all out, lights, the bands performance, our energy was boosted once again and we showed Hansi, Marcus, André, Fred, Oliver and the Keyboardist (Michael, is it?) exactly how much we cared for them and loved the music they were playing for us. My throat was raw after this, and I mean raw. I just let everything out. All I was holding back, and I just sang until I couldn't sing anymore.

By the time I (hesitantly) walked out of the venue, my voice was little more than a croak. I hung about outside the venue for a while waiting for my bloody ticket to be signed but Izzy reminded me of the time. I was either to go to his, get back to Victoria bus station to get home, or to spend the night sleeping rough on London's streets. I opted for home. I felt I was putting Izzy and his family out and besides... I had plenty of time to get to Victoria Coach Station! ...if I knew my way around the Cities streets, that was.

I bid adieu to the fans waiting outside the venue for the band and told one guy to tell Hansi that "The northern guy with no voice said: 'Thanks for an incredible night'.". Whether or not he did? I'm not likely to find out.

After fighting with the turnstiles in the tube me and Izzy decided it was best to buy another ticket. We raced down to the tube station. Izzy jumped on, I said 'farewell' and hung back - with no idea what the fuck I was doing, where the fuck I was going or anything. Turns out I could have got on the same tube... but, I ultimately didn't and got stranded. I had to change at Euston station I think it was... but where? There were six fucking different tubes leading off in different directions, which one I was to get on I had no idea, I asked a guy who told me that he'd been living in London all his life and not even he knew.

Shit.

I prayed to Odin to help me make a choice and I chanced a set of escalators going down. I was right, fortunately. It was around this time the battery on my phone died... oh shit. I got to Victoria tube and fucking ran through the train station. About four flights of escalators to get there, I might add. Anyway, I realised that when dark, London is a whole different city. I asked one man... one man who was walking down a street (I was expecting to get the shit kicked out of me, to be honest, but I swallowed my pride) directions to the coach station. He turned to me and said "...You're a Geordie, aren't you?".

I've never been so glad to hear the Geordie accent in my entire fucking life.

"Yeah, I'm from Newcastle. Live in Walker... well, the boundaries have changed so technically I live in Byker.". He pointed me out, shook hands and we went our separate ways. You have to realise that I was getting quite distressed by this point. I didn't want to sleep on the streets of London under any circumstance and it was now 11:28... that leaves me with less than two minutes to run half a mile to get to the coach station in order to get the coach home... I knew I was fucked but hope is the saviour of all.

I prayed when I ran. Odin, Thor, Freyr... anybody who would listen to me. I wanted to get on the bus, sleep and get home, possibly even make it in time for college the next morning.

Alas... it wasn't to be. I missed the coach by a minute. One fucking minute. I was pretty upset by this point, as you could imagine. Damn near hysterical, admittedly. I decided to phone somebody, I turned my phone on long enough to extract three numbers from it... then it died. I went to the shop bought some provisions for the night and proceeded to call my mother... who realised how panicked I was and decided to try and calm me down. She wanted to know if she should tell Alex (My girlfriend). I naturally deterred her from the idea as the last thing I'd want to do was to make her lose sleep worrying about me. I was ushered out of the station as it was about to be locked up and I prepared for the night in the streets.

NOTE: Usually I would pull an all nighter but that would equal 48+ hours without sleep and I hadn't went that long without sleep in years.

I spent about an hour on the phone to my mother, trying to calm myself down. Eventually I prayed to Thor, and found the power to help me cope with what I was faced with. I told my mam I'd be fine and that there were people getting ready to doss down in the station so I was to do the same and that I'd be fine... the usual bullshit you spurt out of your spammer when you know you're in for a rough night.

I climbed behind the safety reservations (big red bars to stop the coaches from going straight through the windows of the station) where I would be partially obscured from view and set up camp as it were. There was a guy who had travelled from a different country to see the band (which shocked me, but he gets full respect for it) who I had noticed at the gig. I fell asleep and when I woke I woke to find him sitting about a foot away from my head. We started talking for a bit (as much as I could talk for having a couple of hours sleep, at this point I'd been without sleep for about 36 hours, so I was pretty fucked).

"Enjoy your sleep?"

"Heh, yeah. As a matter of fact I did."

Now, the sole reason I mention this guy is because I felt I was a bit rude to him. I was blunt, and a general twat. Every now and again I would turn to him and sharply demand he told me the time. Of course, it wasn't said in a nasty way, it was just because I was absolutely fucking buggared. I was barely awake and I'd like to say this now: If you ever come across this and remember me, leave a comment with your email addy and we'll get talking, dude. It was good to have some form of company even if it was just for a little while.

I felt I knew this guy for years, and I wish I'd have been a little more polite and social with him. He began talking about how with him coming from a different country certain accents in England were difficult for him to understand. I can't even remember my answer that well... this is how tired I was. I turned to him and said something like "Yeah, I know how you mean. See, I'm from up north so I'm classified as a 'Geordie' but I've trained myself to talk reasonably well because I talk to a lot of foreign people." and I went on a little tangent... but I can't remember for the fucking life of me what the hell I said. It worries me because this guy didn't actually talk to me at all after I went back to sleep (after I went searching for somewhere to take a piss).

Anyway, the wait went on and when I finally got home the feeling was incredible. Passing over the Tyne Bridge I felt such... well, pride, I suppose. All I could think about was: "Yeah... I'm home." and I grinned to myself. Then I definitely knew I was home when I got off the coach to find a comatose piss head lying under the seats with his can of XXX lager still in his hand. I realised that I was back in Newcastle even more when I got on the bus back home and found myself and another bloke (student at Newcastle Uni) pissing ourselves laughing at some woman randomly telling people on the bus about her 'troubled life'. We both began playing our incredibly small violins and in perfect synchronisation began playing the world’s saddest song.

So that's it. The best day of my life. It shall be remembered by the coach tickets, the ticket stub and the pigeon shit that stained my bag and that still covers part of my leather jacket.

And I'd do it all again.