Wait, I thought smoking was a turn off for non-smokers? (10/07/06)

From experience, those among you who don't (or did) smoke absolutely despise smokers. Not the person, of course but the habit of smoking. Something happened to me recently which... well, shocked me. I've been trying to give up for a while, and I was doing great! Three days without a smoke and the one cigarette that I'd have was more of a: 'Hey, I might have a smoke!' as opposed to: 'DEAR FUCKING CHRIST, I NEED TO INJECT POISONOUS GASSES INTO MY LUNGS!'. I was proud of myself!

Then I got arrested.

Those three days that I went without smoking? They went up the wall faster than a drunk taking a piss in a back alley with an erection. Probably went higher, too. I chain smoked after that. Way too much stress for me to handle (I can't handle stress). Anyway, I've been waiting for a time of less stress so I can actually give up. As I was saying: I met a girl who gave up smoking. When I met her, she was a smoker, when I met up with her a second time she had gave up. Fux0r.

So, she came around mine and I realised she was actually encouraging me to smoke (I've cut down to one an hour and I was doing pretty good. Almost ready to cut down to one every hour and a half.), I thought: "She's trying to kill me!". Then, a couple of days later (while we were speaking on the phone) I brought it up. I asked why she never seemed to stop me from smoking. She replied and she gave me a reasonable answer... I guess.

It turns her on.

That's right. My smoking turns her on! That means I can have a smoke, roll over, fuck her and then have an after-sex-smoke and then repeat the process! How fucking awesome is that? Sex, smoke, sex, smoke, sex, smoke, piss, sex, smoke, sex, smoke, sex, piss, smoke, sleep. A whole day of carnal knowledge and slowly destroying my body. I win.

In all seriousness, though. She thinks I look sexy when I smoke. I look sexy all the time, but even more so when I smoke. Now, not that I'm complaining but isn't that kind of strange? A non smoker finds smoking sexy? Unfortunately, this girl is damn near impossible to please in bed. Even my best moves, the ones that gives a girl the right to deafen me, (Apparently, anyway. They always seem to scream in my ear...) get a bit of movement and a funny look at most.

Usually this wouldn't be a problem, but this girl is fucking stubborn! So you know what I did? I sparked up a smoke and fucked her witless. She was in ecstasy! That's the power that I bring. Feel the power, embrace the power and only then can you harness the power and give a girl the largest orgasm she's ever had!

Alright, so this entry is riddled with falsities, BUT YOU FUCKERS CAN'T PROVE IT!