Women... are dangerous creatures.

Today I went to the place I was supposed to be getting my apprenticeship. Place called Rathbones. Unfortunately, I know one person there, he's doing an apprenticeship in Joinery (my selected trade, which I can't do anymore due to the underachievers stealing my fucking vacancy), but whatever! I wanted work, Rathbones was suggested, I signed myself up. Well... no word for a month or two, I went in to follow it up the other week. Wendy, one of the women who work there (Manageress?), told me that she'd get in touch with me. A couple of weeks passed and nothing.

Fuck you, you attractive woman. Fuck you.

So I finally pluck up the energy to head over and discuss it with her again today. While waiting for her to take me into the room, I had the pleasure of sitting with a bunch of barely evolved retards. I don't mean retards in the literal sense of the word, I mean retards as in 'lol i hv harf a brayn sel LOL!!!'... yeah, it's true. Well, anyway, I'm sitting, minding my own buisness when out of nowhere came one of these underdeveloped abominations.

"HEAR HIPPEEE YA GORRA TABB?!!", he said. "What the fuck are you supposed to be?", said I. He looked at me for a while and eventually came to the conclusion I was speaking English. I don't think he understood because he walked away. Just like that. BAM! Gone. Good game, bitch, I win again. I didn't win any form of contest with you before, but I win this round you fucking tosser.

Anyway, after having a quick talk with Wendy, she sent me out, back into the fucking waiting room to fill in the application form. Note: I had done this already but if I was to recieve money, it's good enough for me. So, here I sat, filling in the application form. Fortunately the room had emptied minus a couple of inbreds. I finished filling it in and sat waiting, eyeing everybody who passed me. Slowly undressing the females with my eyes... enough of these shenanigans.

As I walked into the reception area, I noticed that the young female form behind the desk was exceptionally tappable. She kept looking at me with seductive eyes and large breasts while I was waiting. "Y helo thar!", thought I. Eventually I came to the conclusion she was a whore and she just couldn't handle being in my prescence. I mean, I am incredible, after all. Then I dumbed it down a little and assumed it was my X Japan shirt she was staring at... and I thought it was my penis she was fascinated with :(

I digress, a girl walked in and I realised she had a rather nice arse. So, I was like staring and stuff. Well, being on the internet has made me loose my act of being cunning and subtle. She caught me. She looked at me, smiled and said "Hi.", win, my friends. Thump wins. I responded in a charming tone ("LOL HAY!"), and she sat next to me. We started talking and it turns out she has a scary man-voice! She's also an amateur porn star, apparantly. However! I am Thumper! The man of incredible awesomness! I shall not be defeated by an amateur porn star! Oh no!

I told her I was a gigalo.

She promptly said she had to go. I win, once again. God damn, I just keep handing out the ownage, eh? Like I said, I'm impossibly awesome. Anyway, I said she had a scary man-voice. If anything, that was an understatement. She'd been smoking a little too much. Now, I consider myself a heavy smoker, but this girl... god damn, she sounded like she'd been drinking bleach. I wasn't going to put my penis into anything which sounds scarier than a stoned Gollum.

A tanned woman walked past me. Now, out of respect I won't call her fat, but she was fucking chubby. I've got nothing against this! I like women to have some meat on them... not ridiculous amounts, you understand, but a bit of meat all the same. Well, she had a little too much for my preferance, but not enough for me to say "lol no you're a fatty". She had a big arse... but her tits and accent made up for that, she was fucking tappable. I was going to try my hand with her, but she smelt like semen. And that's a bad thing, apparantly.

Then, two males came out. Well, one male, one humanoid... or a close approximation. The humanoid had a bottle of something. I don't know what it was, I know it was juice, but that's all I know. He kindly said to the hot female form behind the desk: "HEAR OPAN TEH DORE!", so she did. He then threw the bottle out of the fucking door... there was a bin behind the desk! But no! Bins are for wimps! You have to throw the bottle to prove your masculinity!

Tosser.

However, my favourite part was when he started playing with his lighter (Hardcore...). He turned to the wooden desk and decided to see what the flame would do on such a flat surface. Well, apparantly nothing... however the singe mark and the smell is probably still floating around because of him. I grew angry at his constant stupidity, so I asked him politely to stop doing that. He replied with (what I deciphered): "I beg your pardon, but you do not know my personality! I shall take offense to your previous comment, otherwise I may have to engage in a battle of fists with you!". What he actually said was "ALL FOOKAN DEK YA!".

I swear, I'm fucking immigrating...

Anyway, after he started arguing his innocence (What innocence? He was trying to set fire to the wooden desk...) and I shut him up by saying "Jesus fucking Christ! Shut the fuck up! Do you have any idea what the hell you're saying? It's the creamiest bowl of cock custard I've ever fucking heard!"... believe it or not, it shut him up. He just walked away. Who's masculine now, bitch?

Eventually I talked with Wendy again and I begin work on the 6th of March. Woohoo. I'm so unbelievably excited. However! Working = money = money for me = money for phone bill = money for internet connection = I'll be back soon, you bastards.