Women... are dangerous creatures.

Today I went to the place I was supposed to be getting my apprenticeship. Place called Rathbones. Unfortunately, I know one person there, he's doing an apprenticeship in Joinery (my selected trade, which I can't do anymore due to the underachievers stealing my fucking vacancy), but whatever! I wanted work, Rathbones was suggested, I signed myself up. Well... no word for a month or two, I went in to follow it up the other week. Wendy, one of the women who work there (Manageress?), told me that she'd get in touch with me. A couple of weeks passed and nothing.

Fuck you, you attractive woman. Fuck you.

So I finally pluck up the energy to head over and discuss it with her again today. While waiting for her to take me into the room, I had the pleasure of sitting with a bunch of barely evolved retards. I don't mean retards in the literal sense of the word, I mean retards as in 'lol i hv harf a brayn sel LOL!!!'... yeah, it's true. Well, anyway, I'm sitting, minding my own buisness when out of nowhere came one of these underdeveloped abominations.

"HEAR HIPPEEE YA GORRA TABB?!!", he said. "What the fuck are you supposed to be?", said I. He looked at me for a while and eventually came to the conclusion I was speaking English. I don't think he understood because he walked away. Just like that. BAM! Gone. Good game, bitch, I win again. I didn't win any form of contest with you before, but I win this round you fucking tosser.

Anyway, after having a quick talk with Wendy, she sent me out, back into the fucking waiting room to fill in the application form. Note: I had done this already but if I was to recieve money, it's good enough for me. So, here I sat, filling in the application form. Fortunately the room had emptied minus a couple of inbreds. I finished filling it in and sat waiting, eyeing everybody who passed me. Slowly undressing the females with my eyes... enough of these shenanigans.

As I walked into the reception area, I noticed that the young female form behind the desk was exceptionally tappable. She kept looking at me with seductive eyes and large breasts while I was waiting. "Y helo thar!", thought I. Eventually I came to the conclusion she was a whore and she just couldn't handle being in my prescence. I mean, I am incredible, after all. Then I dumbed it down a little and assumed it was my X Japan shirt she was staring at... and I thought it was my penis she was fascinated with :(

I digress, a girl walked in and I realised she had a rather nice arse. So, I was like staring and stuff. Well, being on the internet has made me loose my act of being cunning and subtle. She caught me. She looked at me, smiled and said "Hi.", win, my friends. Thump wins. I responded in a charming tone ("LOL HAY!"), and she sat next to me. We started talking and it turns out she has a scary man-voice! She's also an amateur porn star, apparantly. However! I am Thumper! The man of incredible awesomness! I shall not be defeated by an amateur porn star! Oh no!

I told her I was a gigalo.

She promptly said she had to go. I win, once again. God damn, I just keep handing out the ownage, eh? Like I said, I'm impossibly awesome. Anyway, I said she had a scary man-voice. If anything, that was an understatement. She'd been smoking a little too much. Now, I consider myself a heavy smoker, but this girl... god damn, she sounded like she'd been drinking bleach. I wasn't going to put my penis into anything which sounds scarier than a stoned Gollum.

A tanned woman walked past me. Now, out of respect I won't call her fat, but she was fucking chubby. I've got nothing against this! I like women to have some meat on them... not ridiculous amounts, you understand, but a bit of meat all the same. Well, she had a little too much for my preferance, but not enough for me to say "lol no you're a fatty". She had a big arse... but her tits and accent made up for that, she was fucking tappable. I was going to try my hand with her, but she smelt like semen. And that's a bad thing, apparantly.

Then, two males came out. Well, one male, one humanoid... or a close approximation. The humanoid had a bottle of something. I don't know what it was, I know it was juice, but that's all I know. He kindly said to the hot female form behind the desk: "HEAR OPAN TEH DORE!", so she did. He then threw the bottle out of the fucking door... there was a bin behind the desk! But no! Bins are for wimps! You have to throw the bottle to prove your masculinity!

Tosser.

However, my favourite part was when he started playing with his lighter (Hardcore...). He turned to the wooden desk and decided to see what the flame would do on such a flat surface. Well, apparantly nothing... however the singe mark and the smell is probably still floating around because of him. I grew angry at his constant stupidity, so I asked him politely to stop doing that. He replied with (what I deciphered): "I beg your pardon, but you do not know my personality! I shall take offense to your previous comment, otherwise I may have to engage in a battle of fists with you!". What he actually said was "ALL FOOKAN DEK YA!".

I swear, I'm fucking immigrating...

Anyway, after he started arguing his innocence (What innocence? He was trying to set fire to the wooden desk...) and I shut him up by saying "Jesus fucking Christ! Shut the fuck up! Do you have any idea what the hell you're saying? It's the creamiest bowl of cock custard I've ever fucking heard!"... believe it or not, it shut him up. He just walked away. Who's masculine now, bitch?

Eventually I talked with Wendy again and I begin work on the 6th of March. Woohoo. I'm so unbelievably excited. However! Working = money = money for me = money for phone bill = money for internet connection = I'll be back soon, you bastards.

Computer sex? It's possible.

So, I was browsing LUElinks and clicked a topic entitled "Would it be possible to have sex over the internet in the future?", I clicked it and read... and weeped for humanity. Then masturbated, then drew a little, then masturbated, then cried myself to sleep. I woke up and read on. Apparantly there is already a device out there which (essentially) lets you have sex with somebody via the internet. I don't want to go into the details, but it involves a fleshlight type object, which you... well, if you click that link you should figure it out.

Apparantly, the female version is essentially the same thing... but for a woman! You plug it into your USB port and as does the female on the other end. You connect using some perverted software, which is most probably made to look 'classy', and before you know it, you're thrusting away into the epitomy of pervertedness. Isn't technology wonderful?

I admit, I'd like to get my hands on one of these things just to read the manual. I think that alone would be worth a laugh. But really, it's scary to think of what people are doing with technology now. Here's the question on my lips, right now. What happens if your computer crashes? Is it worth thinking about? It'll rip your dick off and have it waving above your head faster than you can finish ejaculating! How can you explain that to your parents? "What? Oh! That? Oh, it's nothing, I was having sex with a 40 year old girl on the internet. Nah, Windows crashed, don't worry about it, it'll heal up after a couple of days.".

Even more worrying would be what would happen to the female. I mean, would she like... get electrocuted? Perhaps the dildo thing would go insane inside of her and tear open her vagina? I dunno, but it'd be pretty fucking funny to see. I mean, come on, think about it, just imagine her bouncing all over the place, writhing in pain... oh god, it'd be so fucking funny! I think the guy would be even funnier, though. One second he's slamming away and then BAM! FOUNTAIN OF BLOOD!

Another point, what would happen if you happened to download a virus? God damn, that would suck. "Your penis has been infected by W32.Sasser.p, Windows suggests running Norton Anti Virus at your next possible convenience". Then when you finally get Norton running it'll tell you to 'reboot your penis'. Oh, the amount of fun that could lead to. It's so enjoyable. The mere thought of it excites me. Just think of Windows telling you that your penis is infected with a worm or spyware. Your penis is reporting your activities! REFORMAT! REFORMAT!!

One of these days, I will make this a reality. I fucking hate people who program computer viruses and other such malware, but to infect somebodies penis... hell, even a popup saying "Your penis has been infected with Spyware, I believe a reformat is in order?", it'd be great. Infact, that is my lifes order. I will infect some perverts penis with Spyware. I don't even have to program it, I'll just make it so he thinks he's got it.

Also, it's interesting to note that I've actually just found something which could be of interest. Internet sex, does infact exist. Not in cybering, I mean actual sex... don't believe me? Check this out. You have no choice. Live in blissful ignorance if you wish, but this is the cold hard truth. Accept it for what it is. People are having sex via the internet. I don't want to believe it anymore than any of you, but it must be recognised.

We're doomed. We're all fucking doomed...

As of Thursday GMT I will not have the internet.

That's right, I'm going to get cut off. Because BT Yahoo! have such an excellent service and are entirely unwilling to compromise, we're going to be docked of our internet connection. Which means the webcomic plans and the hosting service (free, of course) are going to nothing. Thanks, BT.

The really fun thing is that I make money from the internet. How am I going to make money to pay off the bills without a job? I could get a job... but at this time of year they're the most difficult things to get a hold of. Plus, I have bad knees and the cold weather prevents me from walking very well. So, unless I'm working indoors, it's pointless. Double the fact that I have sleep disorders... no real point unless I'm working all night at a 24/7 garage or something... hot damn, what an idea!

But yeah, just telling you guys that I won't be able to update for a while. I'm slow with updating for the moment because I'm drawing, colouring, coming up with ideas, scripting and such pretty much constantly. So, same as goes before. Click some ads, make me some money and I'll give you all sex and implausable reading material.

I take it back. I take it all back.

Yes, that's correct. The man of power, pride and psychobabble is back. With an apology... Dragonforce really are, a good band. I had a meet and greet with them before the gig. I went in and started talking, I was a bit shy but that's mainly because I haven't been outside much and socialising = my downfall. I introduced myself to them all, shook hands, etc. ZP was a little bit... nervous, I guess. He'd just gotten out of the shower and he was trying to focus on the gig (he is after all, the vocalist. If he fucks up, it's gonna be most obvious). Sam broke the ice with me by saying "Oh, help yourself to a drink, mate. Just leave the Carling, that's for after the show... I'm trying to stay somewhat sober for the show today.".

And so it was. Herman kindly gestured me to have more (He blatantly wanted my rectal hole for his perverted plans) and I said "No, no thanks. I'm good.", Herman, on the other hand, didn't see that I was trying to be nice and save some of Sams alcohol. Instead he said "What, are you a lightweight?"... the way he said it... and the grin... that grin! I replied "Hah, anything but, man. I stopped drinking cans a while back. It just cuts through me, man. Plus, I'm a whiskey drinker.". Upon hearing this, Sam said "Oh, we've got some of that!" and pointed to a bottle of Jack Daniesl... "Crack it open, if you want!", he knew my weakness... he knew it.

I was nice, and declined his offer... I didn't have my tongue bar in which means I've lost the taste for Whiskey. That shit messes with your taste, man. Trust me. You get your tongue pierced and BAM! Nothing will taste the same. It's infuriating at least. I basically didn't want to make myself a wank for saying "I'm a whiskey drinker" and then choke on some JD, my preference, y'know? Anyways, we talked for a while, had a couple of laughs... me and Herman talked about X Japan for a while, then Sam asked what they were. What kind of music, etc. I explained the genre, Herman explained the rough idea behind their looks... not easy.

At this point, I'd also like to say that Herman has the funniest accent ever. I mean he has the typical Asian accent, but he has the cockney accent instead of the usual accent the Asians usually adopt in Britain.

However, we got onto when they disbanded. Herman looked to me to answer this. Now, I'm not the kind of guy who can just sit and spout off dates and information. On certain topics I can, others, like this one, I have to backtrack a little bit. So I did. "Hmm... well, hide died in '98... they were supposed to be planning a comeback in... 2000? Dahlia was released in '96, if memory serves correct... The Last Song was released in '98... and it was intended to be the last song... but Yoshiki or Toshi decided on releasing a couple more... the last single they released was in... '01. Forever Love, I think.".

Herman stared at me and said "Fuck you, man! It was much longer than that!", nope, it was 2001. I got in and checked it. Herman, when you get a chance to read this; I WAS RIGHT, BITCH!

After a while of just generally talking and taking the piss out of Sam and Herman, we got ushered out by the tour manager and given Inhuman Rampage official tour guitar picks. Pretty awesome, but they're too thick for my liking (they're 1mm plus. I prefer .88's and .76's). Sam came out and said "Oh, hey, if you want, come back after the gig and we'll have a pint or something!", awesome! The tour manager said "Oh yeah, by all means. When the gigs finished just go over there and we'll let you in.". Also, Sam gave me and John another can (he wanted us to take more) for the gig. So we had to stash them in our coats... I mean they're obviously not going to let us walk in with cans in our hands.

We watched the gig. Sabaton did a great job of starting the night off, they had first set so it was the most difficult. Edguy, jesus fucking christ... these guys really got the crowd worked up. I've never seen a support band do that. The communication was incredible. I met some girl in the Cafe area who didn't look too good so I started talking to her for a while. I was like "Yay! I made a new friend! <3" style="font-style: italic;">just about to ask for her number... and guess what? Out come DragonForce. Oh great. Thank you, guys. Cockblocked by a power metal band. How... fortunate.

Anyways, after a couple of songs I decided to get into the pit (I think the song was The Trail of Broken Hearts.), so, I'm standing there watching the show and then they finished. I believe the next song was Soldiers of the Wasteland, can't remember. Anyways, out came the mosh pit. Oh wonderful. This has to be amusing. Now, y'see, I'm the kind of nice guy. The guy who'll help somebody out if they really need it, regardless of the consequences. Yeah, I'm that guy. This girl was standing behind me. She had a black and white striped shirt on, small girl. Blonde. I had no concern about fucking her whatsoever (Yeah, I can control my primal urges now :D). Then the pit started to go insane. People getting punched and thrown everywhere. Now this girl nearly got caught in the middle of it (the guy next to me got pissed off and turned around and pushed everbody back). I caught her and pulled her back towards me, threw her infront of me and said "I'll try my best to make sure you don't get seriously injured out there.", she kissed me on the cheek (a sign of gratitude... you should have seen the fucking pit, man) and continued watching the gig.

Dear fucking god, I should have let the bitch get her head ripped off. Now, some of you guys know that I have bad knees. I mean really fucking bad. Artheritus in both of 'em, which effectively means during cold weather, I'm confined indoors or I have to make sure they're both really fucking warm. Now, I only have one support bandage. Before I left, I had to decide which of my knees hurt more... I chose the right knee... and what a fucking decision that would be, my friends. I was standing behind her but somehow ended up next to her (Y'know the deal. It's a fucking metal gig, you're bound to get pushed around). Well, I realised this and she grabbed onto my shirt. I looked around to see what the fuck was happening and I noticed her getting pulled into the pit. I grabbed her, pulled her back infront of me and put my leg behind her. She got pulled again, but my leg, obviously wasn't much of a barracade because of my knee. So I thought "Fine, you bastards. You want it that way?!", I hugged her into me and apologised to her. She said "It's fine, you don't look like a pervert." ....BWAHAHAHAHAH! Classic! Right there!

Anyway, this technique worked for a while... then it happened. I knew it would happen at least once during the gig. Somebody lost there balance and hit my knee. Oh shit... it's out. I'm going down... no, I've got the balance alright. I think I'm good. I stood up to find the girl once again being pulled into the pit. Jesus FUCK! I know this is a power metal concert but it doesn't mean I'm the valiant knight trying to save the fucking damsel in distress! I somehow managed to put all my weight onto my left leg and pulled her in. I used her as a counter-balance and pulled her closer to me. Now, she was as of now officialy my left leg. I was fucked. Third from the front and I'm on one leg, that spells trouble. So I got my right leg back to where it was behind her, and hugged her again. It happened again, my right knee taken out. Shit. This isn't gonna be pretty. I managed to keep hold of her so I could pull myself back up. Other than that? My right knee was definately out of commission.

Eventually the pit died down and I could let her go and tend to my knee. I stood cradling it for a while, then Sam saw me. He threw something to get my attention but ended up knocking some guy out... the girl tapped me on the shoulder and pointed at Sam. I looked up and he had a look of concern on his face. I smiled as much as I could for having excruciating pain severing my right leg and he gave me the thumbs up.

Nice, man. Real nice. You knock somebody out trying to give me the thumbs up? Great!

Once I regained some feeling in my knee, some guy had moved next to me with a fucking stupid 'Norse' (It had horns therefore fictional Norse) helmet on. I wouldn't be bothered but it kept hitting me over and over and over a-fucking-gain! So, this kid (who was standing on the opposite side of him) tapped me on the shoulder and signalled to take it off and throw it. I agreed and counted down from three, using hand signals. 1... 2... 3... BAM! OFF WITH HIS HAT! We chucked it on stage and started singing so he wouldn't accuse us. He accused some guy behind him. POWER OWNED! Anyways, he got it back somehow and ended up wearing it again. It got knocked off a further three times before he decided he'd best just leave the area. So he did! Yay!

Nothing much happened from then on, other than ZP mentioning me and saying the last song was an apology because he didn't get much of a chance to speak to me. And that's how it was. Valley of the Damned was my song! Bragging rights +10! I fucking win, my friends.

After the gig I waited where the tour manager told me to wait. John was out of sight. So I assumed he was gonna be back. The guys working the VIP stage said "Look, mate. If you don't have a pass, you aren't getting in.", this pissed me off. I had a promise to complete. My friend wanted me to get LUEshi signed (ASCII art of Mario riding Yoshi. I also had the image underneath the ASCII), and I said I would, dammit! No fucking ponse was going to stop me getting a gift to a friend! Fuck you! So I demanded him to get the tour manager. What did he do? He got head of fucking security. "Look, you don't have a fucking pass, you aren't getting in, get it?". Now... now I was pissed. So, I did the only thing I could. "Listen to me, you shit. I've been told by the fucking band and the fucking tour manager that I have entry. Don't believe me? Go fucking get them.", well, this didn't go down too well "Oh, so now I have to get the fucking tour manager?!".

Wanker.

"Yes! You have to get the fucking tour manager!", so he refused too. Sam came by and shouted "ALRIGHT MATE! What did you think of the gig, eh?", I said (exact words, people) "Oh, it was incredible. But this OLD FUCKING FART won't let me into the special VIP area because apparantly HE'S TOO FUCKING LAZY to get the fucking tour manager.". Well. If you ever meet the head of Security, you don't want to piss them off. Me? Oh, I did it regardless. "YOU'RE DEFINATELY NOT GETTING IN NOW YOU FUCKING SCRAWNY LITTLE SHIT!" Sam cut in with "He's fucking supposed to be in here, mate. If you don't fucking like it, fine! But this is our fucking gig, and we get the ultimate fucking decision on who stays and who fucking goes.". This still was not enough evidence for the big, mighty head of security. So, eventually he caved and got the tour manager. "Who? Him? Oh! Y'alright, mate? Yeah, sure, come on in!", fucking owned.

Even then, he still wouldn't let me in... how gay. So, y'know what I did? I said "Fuck you. Herman? I can be here, right?", Herman looked up and stared at me for a second and said "FUCK YEAH, METAL WARRIOR!". So, I was eventually granted access. I got some stuff signed and such, pulled out the LUEshi... the peoples reactions... oh god, it was great. Fred looked at it, smiled and said "Nintendo... for the win!", Jason gave me a quizical glance and signed it. Herman... oh god, Herman looked at me, looked at the LUEshi... looks up at me and says "Rock on, brother." and signed it. Sam, tried to sign it, bless him... but the alcohol had began to have too much of an effect on him. They signed my ticket and such (obligatory when I'm at a gig. It's like "Ticket? SIGN IT. NOW!") and then a guy out of Sabaton and Edguy came out.

Now, I only got into Edguy when I heard they were playing support for Dragonforce. I only know what Tobias (vocals) looks like... I thought he had brown hair, oh no, he apparantly has ginger hair! The rest of them? No fucking idea. Same with Sabaton. No idea who they are, I knew they were playing when I asked Fred who was playing (I won't mention what he said incase somebody of Sabaton actually reads this... don't want to inflate/deflate their ego :D), he told me, I shrugged it off. Alright band... very heavy Manowar influence. Anyways! I got him to sign the LUEshi. He looked at it and said "Oh man! I grew up playing Nintendo! Mario rocks!"... all the time, this little Japanese girl was looking at me and laughing... I don't mean a nice, innocent giggled, she was fucking laughing at me! I asked what was so funny and she said "You're giving him characters of a game to sign! You sat at home and made that text art!" I looked at her and said "No... I want him to sign these for a friend, and the 'text' art is actually made by a man I know as 'warriorness'. It's also interesting to note that if you were of any other nationanality, I would tear you a new anus.", that's where Herman chimed in and said "Oh, you have the yellow fever?".

Classic shit right there, people.

More stuff went on but I've been typing this shit for about two hours. My head is hurting, I've got a hangover from the alcohol Sam was plying me with, my fingers are aching because of two hours of constant typing, I want a bacon sammich and I feel I should get playing World of Warcraft.

Metal lives.

If you take drugs, you have no right talking to me.

Really. If you take anything harsher than cannabis, don't talk to me. At all. Cannabis, Salvia, that's alright. Talk to me as much as you like. Anything harder (Cocaine, Heroin, Ecstasy, Speed), don't talk to me. Seriously, I don't need to know you or your personality. I know you're a fucking moron for taking that shit, and that's good enough proof for me not to want to know you.

I can let certain people slide, Fox1337, for example. He's a fun guy to talk to (providing you're willing to share black nose pictures with him), but really if you want to spend all your fucking money on an addiction which fucks your body up more than ciggarettes? Go ahead! Just so you know? I'm going to live longer.

Really, why get addicted to an illegal substance? Why even pay for an illegal substance? Now somebody is going to say "Thump, you don't care for the law and you've took drugs before.", nearly correct. I've experimented with two drugs. Cannabis and Salvia. That's it. Bet you're gutted now, eh? Other than that I don't do anything. Now I smoke ciggarettes and that's basically it. Guess what? It's legal, fuck you.

Others can say, "Thump, you download music and games regularly! How isn't that illegal?". You got me there. I download music and games to see if I enjoy them. If I do? Power to the company, I buy the game. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I have no bad karma. It isn't illegal to download, it's illegal to distribute. I know the law and you can't fault me on it. Also if I enjoy the game enough to buy it, guess what? The download becomes a backup, which means it's legal anyway. Fault the logic.

However, back to drugs. So you shell out your wages and buy an assortment of drugs. Now you're sorted. You can get high and look pathetic and still run the risk of overdosing! Yay! One less idiot in the world! Let's spend a good amount of money, which could be spent on something worth being spent on, on drugs! Then we can inject poisonous chemicals into our body, which will eventually die, because that way I can get friends and be knee deep in debt! God, I live such an exciting life!

Fucktards.

Seriously, if you insist on taking drugs, go ahead! I don't care, take them all you fucking like. Just don't talk to me in the process. If I see somebody taking drugs, regardless of whom they are, I'll go apeshit. I don't care what it is, it's total fucking bullshit. I honestly can't say anymore than I already have. You'll get addicted to the shit and then you're gonna be fucked. Why? Because you'll do anything for that next fix. What happens when you get that next fix? You don't even get the same buzz as you used to. Your body has built up a natural immunity, it isn't a drug to your body anymore, it's a dependency. Then you're fucked. Your body relies on the chemicals now. Not too much fun.

Cocaine, oh that's great. Let's get some strange white powder and put it through my nose! Oh god, this is wonderful! Now my nose is all tingly! Oh god, how extreme! Piss off. Speed? Bullshit. Ecstasy? Do you even know what's in that shit? No? I guarentee you, neither does your dealer. Heroin? Wonderful! Let's inject ourselves with bullshit. Oh wait, we can smoke it right? But it tastes nasty! Rub it on your gums? Oh wait, no, that'll still have the taste. Oh, hey! I know! Snort the bastard! Please! If you're taking heroin, snort that shit. Take a five inch line right into your nose. See how fucking good you are there. It'll be great, really. Just watching you writhe around as your nostrils slowly begin to disintegrate... beautiful.

Seriously, look at the examples around you. Why take drugs? Look at people like Pete Doherty, does he look like a healthy man? He's pastier than me and constantly has black rings around his eyes, wow, how incredibly fucking healthy. What adds to that is he's always getting arrested, wait, here's the kicker... because of drugs! So he's making money from making shite music, and he's then loosing it because he has to pay fines and he has to pay people back for bailing him out! Fucking wonderful life he has! Here's another example. Kurt Cobain. He blew his fucking head off! If you take drugs, do the bloody same. Or inject about... 25mg into your veins. I swear, you'll be in the mystical place 'nirvana'.

Summary: Drugs are bad, get the fuck away from me.

Interesting conversations of the historical kind

I was just thinking, for no particular reason, about being in school. Thinking about the people and the good times, well, one day in History we were talking about the Depression in Germany (Caused by the Wall Market crash). Well, the teacher (Mr. Bell, for future referance) mentioned Kellogs loaning Germany some money. I forget the exact reasons why they got involved, possibly if they could build some factories or something.

Note: Incase you don't know (nubs), Kellogs is a cereal company.

Naturally it lot of convincing to prove it to be true, some kid asked if there was a way he could research into it. Mr. Bell said "Well, when you get home go and buy yourself a box of Corn Flakes. If you look on the bottom of it, it'll have the list of countries who signed the Kellogs treaty.", let's just say the kid bought it. Fucktard. However Mr. Bell came out with a certain comment something along the lines of "God, next thing I need is for the ceiling to cave in and a load of Corn Flakes to fall on my head!".

EDIT: According to Dom, it was him who said this, not Mr. Bell. He has a better memory than me so there you have it. I'm too lazy to edit the entire thing, so you'll have to use your imaginations from now on.

And so it began.

Me and my cousin began conversing on the hilarity if such an incedent occurred. We decided to build a time machine, seek solitude in the ceiling and, when he says that sentance, knock down the panels and cover that bitch in Corn Flakes. Take that, you left wing bastard (Note: Mr. Bell was an awesome teacher and I really don't want to injure him in any cereal related methods)! Anyway, we asked what kind of cereal there in 1929. Apparantly, only Corn Flakes. My cousin, Dominic, said "Really? I always figured Hitler to be a Rice Krispies kinda guy.". We (me and the guy who sat infront of us, David) found this fucking hilarious, and again, began discussing the hilarity.

That day changed the rest of our lives, readers. Forever, we will be scarred with the truth we unveiled. You see, Hitler was a Rice Krispy kinda guy. We know this now... there is no other possible explanation. Kellogs are still obsessed with Nazi Germany... they knew what was about to occur, they had to eliminate the possibilities... the possiblities what we stumbled upon... we live in fear.

Upon Dom mentioning Rice Krispies, I came across something. I wish I could go back to the day and knock Dom unconcious, for what I blurted out, I wish I never did. "Wait... that kind of makes sense... Hitler being a Rice Krispies kinda guy, I mean.", I waited for Dom and David to say "How?" before I continued; "Well, think about it. The blue guy, right? He's the smart one. He has blonde hair, blue eyes... and he's the smart one who helps the others out of trouble.".

Oh... oh god no... oh fuck!

"Then there's the red guy, right? He's the Commie. He's the clumsy one who get's the other guys in trouble.... but that leaves the green guy?", then Dom jumped in "Hmm... he's the mediator, right? Switzerland! He's obviously a Swiss guy.". It all made sense. Perfect sense. The Rice Crispy cereal... is actually a tool of the Nazi party... perhaps they were trying to regain power? Who knows? All we knew is it sounded funny, so we were saying it. David didn't contribute much to it... he was laughing a little too hard for his own good.

Note: Here, you can find the original Rice Krispies box with the original drawings.

A couple of days later, we went back into History. Sat in the same places and didn't talk of our discovery. Then somebody mentioned it to Mr. Bell... it kicked our memories, imagination and most importantly our lives. Something was wrong... but David couldn't put his finger on it. He knew he had something to say, but he couldn't remember what it was... then he remembered it as we were discussing our theory. They had changed the original charicters. They had changed the mascots days after we found out. Coincedance? Possibly, but doubtful.

Note: Here is the image of the new 'improved' Rice Krispies. Not much of a difference? Ginger. Redhead. What the hell country is that supposed to be? Scotland?!

However after our discovery, the link posted above was not the actual change... oh no, they had changed them all to look like the Communist. Brown hair, same colour clothes... it was scary. Then they changed it again once we hadn't talked about it for a while.

Would you like to know my theory? I don't care if you don't, I'm going to tell you anyway. There was a Communist revolution within the Rice Krispy factory. The Communists defeated the Nazi's and Switzerland and changed characters to be alike. Then what happened? Switzerland said "Fuck this." and beat the Commies down! Win for the Swiss! Again, they changed the characters... the Nazis are sitting there... biding their time... waiting for the moment to strike... then BAM! NO MORE EQUALITY FOR YOU!

Scary shit right here, man.