Pipex? Pipex?! PIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX?! (17/10/07)
So, a lot of you might know that I got my internet back in the form of Pipex, now, when I told people about this a lot of them laughed. Hard. Why did they laugh? It's an ISP that is giving me 8mb DSL at a reasonable price!
...Or so I thought.
First couple of days we were connected with them, my 8mb connection fucking owned! Awesome, sexy fast downloads... and then one day my soundcard said "lol no" and my XP blue screened the fuck out of me. "Never worry," I said, "I'll change ports and it'll work great!". And work it did! However, when I restarted the computer I connected at 7.5mb... strange, right? Not to be deterred I continued using it for a good month or two, watching as my speed dwindled to 4mb (it usually was levelled at around 5... but I was paying for 8mb, dammit!) and as Pipex raided our bank account (£100 in a month) when they felt like it.
It came to a point where we had given up with Pipex, we were sick of being ripped the fuck off by them... so we searched for different ISPs. Remember, we live in a non-cable area, so Virgin seemed out of the question. We went through so many different ISPs (and discovered Pipex was part of the Tiscali service... which failed because we were looking at Tiscali to take over our ISP), looking at places that charged well over £100 for home broadband services... lulz.
Finally I said "Fuck it, Virgin has non cable, we'll win with Virgin!".
As usual, we waited for an activation date... which we assumed would come by post, instead, it came through via email about 45 minutes later! "Holy fuck!" Thought I, as my penis jiggled with sheer delight! If they're this quick on the activation, I'm certain they'll be quick when it comes to sending out the modem and disk!
No.
When Pipex finally shut down our ISP and our Virgin equpment had still not arrived... I had a brainwave! "We're using a Wireless Router... all we need is the server information and I can manually input it into the router!"... this is around the time we phoned tech support.
I set up our router to Virgin Media (Just basic set up, gave it our username and password, told it we were on Virgin etc.) and it worked... up until Google, at least. It felt great to search Google. Going through all the cache's... man, words can't describe how jiggly my penis got when I looked through all those cache's... damn. But the second I tried to connect to anything other than google? I recieved Firefox's "could not connect to server" page. Great.
So! We phoned tech support! Now, I'll give you a run down of the tech support now, as there are many branches: Virgin Cable, Virgin Non-Cable (Dial Up), Virgin Non-Cable (Broadband) and many, MANY others (Google is your friend). Now, as with all automated services, it was probably the most unhelpful piece of shit concieved by man. Virgin Cable had us on their database and directed us to the generic Non-Cable support which then referred us to a premium rate number (which didn't actually cost that much at all) which was a branch of the Dial-Up service who had us on their database and thusly directed us to the generic Non-Cable BROADBAND support!
Yeah, you guessed it, they didn't have us on their database.
"You'll recieve your modem and installation disk in one to two days!" and that was it! They hung the fuck up! So now I'm getting rather annoyed and decided to phone back for the IP and DNS information... which they gave us, quite happily! But did they help us? Of course they fucking didn't, they wanted us to fucking wait! "Well, what you're talking about is possible, actually. But I've never had a request like this over the phone, I'll direct you to the NC Broadband service now."... wonderful.
Tech: "Hello, Virgin Non-Cable Broadband technical Support, Steve here, how may I help you?"
Me: "Yeah, I want the Virgin Media server information."
Tech: "May I ask why?"
Me: "I can manually set up the router in order to connect to the internet."
Tech: "That won't work."
Me: "Yes it will."
Tech: "No, it won't, you will have to wait for the equipment to arrive, goodb--"
Me: "No, listen to me. That CD does nothing an advanced user can't do. I've been using Microsoft since the days of DOS, I know what I'm talking about. All that CD does is create a network connection and give my computer the server information in order to connect to the internet. It also installs the Speedtouch drivers, which is actually pointless as I don't need a modem, we already have a Wireless Router."
Tech: "And what Router are you using?"
Me: "D-Link Wireless G"
Tech: "Oh, you can't do it on that one."
Me: "I beg your pardon?"
Tech: "The D-Link. What you're saying isn't plausable on that router."
Me: "...are you willing to bet your job it isn't possible?"
Tech: "No."
Me: "Well, are you going to help me?"
Tech: "I don't see how I ca--"
Me: "You can give me the information I need."
Tech: "No, I can't."
Me: "...can I ask how you got this job?"
*manic clicking on the other side of the phone*
Me: "...are... are you playnig Solitaire?"
Tech: "...of course not, I'm working."
Me: "Well then why don't you let me help you work by allowing you to give me the information I need?"
Tech: "Because it can't be done!"
Me: "Yes. Yes it can. And I want the information."
Tech: "Even if it could be done, I couldn't give you the information over the phone."
Me: "You're fucking kidding me right?"
Tech: "I'm not going to respond to foul language."
Me: "Fuck foul language, you can't give me ISP and DNS information over the phone?"
Tech: "No, I can't."
Me: "Alright, then. Can I ask if your server runs on a Linux system?"
Tech: "Yes, it does."
Me: "Great, you've just given me information that is potentially more dangerous than any IP or DNS address." (Yes, this was a bit of a bluff, but if I mentioned "Hacking" and "Linux" while on the phone, I would have shot myself in the foot)
Tech: "No, I haven't."
Me: "You're beginning to bore me. Either give me the information or put me onto somebody who can."
Tech: "I'm sorry we couldn't help you today, goodbye."
It's now saturday and I'm still waiting for that pretty Virgin Media van to pull up with our equipment.
Fail.
...Or so I thought.
First couple of days we were connected with them, my 8mb connection fucking owned! Awesome, sexy fast downloads... and then one day my soundcard said "lol no" and my XP blue screened the fuck out of me. "Never worry," I said, "I'll change ports and it'll work great!". And work it did! However, when I restarted the computer I connected at 7.5mb... strange, right? Not to be deterred I continued using it for a good month or two, watching as my speed dwindled to 4mb (it usually was levelled at around 5... but I was paying for 8mb, dammit!) and as Pipex raided our bank account (£100 in a month) when they felt like it.
It came to a point where we had given up with Pipex, we were sick of being ripped the fuck off by them... so we searched for different ISPs. Remember, we live in a non-cable area, so Virgin seemed out of the question. We went through so many different ISPs (and discovered Pipex was part of the Tiscali service... which failed because we were looking at Tiscali to take over our ISP), looking at places that charged well over £100 for home broadband services... lulz.
Finally I said "Fuck it, Virgin has non cable, we'll win with Virgin!".
As usual, we waited for an activation date... which we assumed would come by post, instead, it came through via email about 45 minutes later! "Holy fuck!" Thought I, as my penis jiggled with sheer delight! If they're this quick on the activation, I'm certain they'll be quick when it comes to sending out the modem and disk!
No.
When Pipex finally shut down our ISP and our Virgin equpment had still not arrived... I had a brainwave! "We're using a Wireless Router... all we need is the server information and I can manually input it into the router!"... this is around the time we phoned tech support.
I set up our router to Virgin Media (Just basic set up, gave it our username and password, told it we were on Virgin etc.) and it worked... up until Google, at least. It felt great to search Google. Going through all the cache's... man, words can't describe how jiggly my penis got when I looked through all those cache's... damn. But the second I tried to connect to anything other than google? I recieved Firefox's "could not connect to server" page. Great.
So! We phoned tech support! Now, I'll give you a run down of the tech support now, as there are many branches: Virgin Cable, Virgin Non-Cable (Dial Up), Virgin Non-Cable (Broadband) and many, MANY others (Google is your friend). Now, as with all automated services, it was probably the most unhelpful piece of shit concieved by man. Virgin Cable had us on their database and directed us to the generic Non-Cable support which then referred us to a premium rate number (which didn't actually cost that much at all) which was a branch of the Dial-Up service who had us on their database and thusly directed us to the generic Non-Cable BROADBAND support!
Yeah, you guessed it, they didn't have us on their database.
"You'll recieve your modem and installation disk in one to two days!" and that was it! They hung the fuck up! So now I'm getting rather annoyed and decided to phone back for the IP and DNS information... which they gave us, quite happily! But did they help us? Of course they fucking didn't, they wanted us to fucking wait! "Well, what you're talking about is possible, actually. But I've never had a request like this over the phone, I'll direct you to the NC Broadband service now."... wonderful.
Tech: "Hello, Virgin Non-Cable Broadband technical Support, Steve here, how may I help you?"
Me: "Yeah, I want the Virgin Media server information."
Tech: "May I ask why?"
Me: "I can manually set up the router in order to connect to the internet."
Tech: "That won't work."
Me: "Yes it will."
Tech: "No, it won't, you will have to wait for the equipment to arrive, goodb--"
Me: "No, listen to me. That CD does nothing an advanced user can't do. I've been using Microsoft since the days of DOS, I know what I'm talking about. All that CD does is create a network connection and give my computer the server information in order to connect to the internet. It also installs the Speedtouch drivers, which is actually pointless as I don't need a modem, we already have a Wireless Router."
Tech: "And what Router are you using?"
Me: "D-Link Wireless G"
Tech: "Oh, you can't do it on that one."
Me: "I beg your pardon?"
Tech: "The D-Link. What you're saying isn't plausable on that router."
Me: "...are you willing to bet your job it isn't possible?"
Tech: "No."
Me: "Well, are you going to help me?"
Tech: "I don't see how I ca--"
Me: "You can give me the information I need."
Tech: "No, I can't."
Me: "...can I ask how you got this job?"
*manic clicking on the other side of the phone*
Me: "...are... are you playnig Solitaire?"
Tech: "...of course not, I'm working."
Me: "Well then why don't you let me help you work by allowing you to give me the information I need?"
Tech: "Because it can't be done!"
Me: "Yes. Yes it can. And I want the information."
Tech: "Even if it could be done, I couldn't give you the information over the phone."
Me: "You're fucking kidding me right?"
Tech: "I'm not going to respond to foul language."
Me: "Fuck foul language, you can't give me ISP and DNS information over the phone?"
Tech: "No, I can't."
Me: "Alright, then. Can I ask if your server runs on a Linux system?"
Tech: "Yes, it does."
Me: "Great, you've just given me information that is potentially more dangerous than any IP or DNS address." (Yes, this was a bit of a bluff, but if I mentioned "Hacking" and "Linux" while on the phone, I would have shot myself in the foot)
Tech: "No, I haven't."
Me: "You're beginning to bore me. Either give me the information or put me onto somebody who can."
Tech: "I'm sorry we couldn't help you today, goodbye."
It's now saturday and I'm still waiting for that pretty Virgin Media van to pull up with our equipment.
Fail.
posted by Thump at 10:04 pm
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