ATTN: Christians. Leave me alone.
Recently I've been getting a lot of emails from a certain group of Christians (I won't make them famous by naming them) who just seem to love me. My spam box has increased in size by a good few hundred emails because of these idiots 'missionary' (harassment) work. It began with them trying to convert me to their wonderful religion by informing me of the life and death of Jesus Christ.
Because I didn't know about him before that.
Anyway, they sent me an email discussing his birth and how I should repent from my heathenish ways. Of course, I gave them a very graphic description about how they can insert their holy bible into a certain orifice and assumed that would be it. But of course, these were Christians... they wouldn't bow down to such thing!
So, I'm sitting here, right? Listening to music and stuff, and then I realise that I have four emails in my GMail box (the one tied to this account). Turns out they had wrote this fucking essay about how I should repent (interspersed with random insults towards both my Odinist morals and many insults towards me as a person) and again the usual "Godless heathen" was thrown in.
I'm sorry, but I don't understand it. I'm religious therefore I worship a God... is it really that difficult to comprehend? So, after the "Godless heathen" count reached it's milestone of 800, I started becoming annoyed:
"Alright, so you're pretty convinced that I'm a Godless heathen, that statement is riddled with falsities. I agree that I am a heathen, yes. After all, Odinism is a heathen religion however to say I am "Godless"? How can a man who worships not one, but an entire planet of them possibly be "Godless"? I can worship Odin (The Allfather), or I can worship Thor (The God of Thunder and War). Perhaps I may decide to worship Baldr, the most beautiful of all the nine worlds... or if you continue to harass me, I will decide to worship Loki.
Loki is not actually a god, however many Odinist's agree that Loki can be considered the God of Mischief; and you really don't want to get me in a mischievous mood, now do you?
Take my advice and do not email me again."
Of course, how could they resist? Many people decide on giving up because I am simply determined to annoy the holy living hell out of them. This is essentially why I'm typing this out now, because I know for a fact they're going to get all happy that somebody might actually care enough about them to give them free publicity.
Didn't expect me not to name you though, did you fuckers? Also, where's your reply to my last email? Don't like the fact that I've just blown holes in all of your arguments? I'm glad that stupid hippy died, he brought nothing to this world but lies and torment. Go fight another holy war while I convince Odin to give me the Berserker Rage, that way I can build your crucifixes quicker.
Because I didn't know about him before that.
Anyway, they sent me an email discussing his birth and how I should repent from my heathenish ways. Of course, I gave them a very graphic description about how they can insert their holy bible into a certain orifice and assumed that would be it. But of course, these were Christians... they wouldn't bow down to such thing!
So, I'm sitting here, right? Listening to music and stuff, and then I realise that I have four emails in my GMail box (the one tied to this account). Turns out they had wrote this fucking essay about how I should repent (interspersed with random insults towards both my Odinist morals and many insults towards me as a person) and again the usual "Godless heathen" was thrown in.
I'm sorry, but I don't understand it. I'm religious therefore I worship a God... is it really that difficult to comprehend? So, after the "Godless heathen" count reached it's milestone of 800, I started becoming annoyed:
"Alright, so you're pretty convinced that I'm a Godless heathen, that statement is riddled with falsities. I agree that I am a heathen, yes. After all, Odinism is a heathen religion however to say I am "Godless"? How can a man who worships not one, but an entire planet of them possibly be "Godless"? I can worship Odin (The Allfather), or I can worship Thor (The God of Thunder and War). Perhaps I may decide to worship Baldr, the most beautiful of all the nine worlds... or if you continue to harass me, I will decide to worship Loki.
Loki is not actually a god, however many Odinist's agree that Loki can be considered the God of Mischief; and you really don't want to get me in a mischievous mood, now do you?
Take my advice and do not email me again."
Of course, how could they resist? Many people decide on giving up because I am simply determined to annoy the holy living hell out of them. This is essentially why I'm typing this out now, because I know for a fact they're going to get all happy that somebody might actually care enough about them to give them free publicity.
Didn't expect me not to name you though, did you fuckers? Also, where's your reply to my last email? Don't like the fact that I've just blown holes in all of your arguments? I'm glad that stupid hippy died, he brought nothing to this world but lies and torment. Go fight another holy war while I convince Odin to give me the Berserker Rage, that way I can build your crucifixes quicker.
posted by Thump at 7:10 pm
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