Recently, I began buying a new computer and it began with the Motherboard and Processor now, x86 Vista didn't like the thought of this fancy new upgrade to Dual Core (Yes, I realise AMD have released the Phenom range, but so far I've been unimpressed by them) and decided it'd be a good idea to refuse to boot at all... this usually wouldn't be as much of a problem, but I automatically blamed it on the CPU or Motherboard (I actually panicked for a bit because I was unsure whether or not the PSU would fit into the MoBo -_-) instead of just thinking logically about it.
Thump's thought: FUCKING HELL £150 FOR SOMETHING THAT DIDN'T WORK?!
Thump's hindsight: Wait, it's an Athlon 64 Dual Core. I'm running a x86 version of Vista Ultimate and that may cause some problems, it also could have something to do with a sloppy install of the BIOs.
Thump's thought to the possibility of (what is now) the hindsight: OH FUCKING ODIN, WHAT THE FUCK?! I DID EVERYTHING RIGHT FOR FUCK SAKES, EVEN THE FUCKING MANUAL SAYS I DID!
Thump's hindsight to the entire situation: lol
Anyway, I calmed down (It's worth noting I had no sleep and honestly thought that I couldn't run a 6400+ on a stock AMD CPU, apparently I can and it works absolutely fine) and reinstalled Vista... yes, I formatted my Hard Drive loosing countless funny images and my Firefox bookmarks including a couple of awesome programs I can't remember the name of.
Whatever. 3.20Ghz of processing power and an on board GPU that won't force me to change my display settings when I want to watch a video. I was a fucking winner.
Once I finally got everything tuned in (I still need to install Forceware drivers on my GPU) and functional I let everything stay as it was before I even considered doing any more work on it. Today I finally became bored enough to install my extensions and gain some functionality in my Firefox again, which I did!
Enough of back story and mindless twaddle, you all get the idea now.
I got
very bored (I'm still waiting for 4GB of RAM and my 8600GTS... and a SATAII HDD, come to think of it... but yeah, for reasons listed above, gaming is out of the question.) and began clicking StumbleUpon. The first click revealed something about being a responsible cat owner... whatever, the second click however... the second click revealed something so much more interesting.
"Does Semen have Antidepressant properties?"
The link to said article can be found
here.
This is... a very interesting article to say the least, and a rather interesting website, if I do say so myself. If you can't be bothered to read all that psychoanalytical bullshit and just want something more to the point, humorous (No matter which way you splice it, it's fucking funny) or all together random, you might want to consider continuing reading this.
Basically in 1986 somebody put a hypothesis across to a board of psychologists saying that male ejaculatory fluid may in fact be a great way to cure depression (It's worked great for men for millennia; why shouldn't it work for women?). Anyway, there was some tests carried out probably involving mass amounts of sex... now this is where I wish I was really good friends with the organiser and actually alive and sexually active (Or not. Hell, I'm easy) just so I could take part in this... experiment.
Girlfriend: You're not doing it! It's disgusting!
Me: No, you're looking at it all wrong. I'm not partaking in this test for mindless pleasure! God no! This is for
Science!
I don't know the results of those tests, but it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the men walked out of the examination rooms with huge fucking smiles on their faces.
Now, in 2002 a trio of Scientists (Or Psychologists? I don't know or care, really) decided to go about figuring out results of sex and condom usage. Again, I know the answer of this one before it even started. Men walked out of the examination rooms with huge fucking smiles on their faces. Condom or not, sex is sex and scientific sex sounds kinky as hell and when isn't kinky good?
As you can imagine, I was already in fits of hysteria by the time I discovered this section:
* Women having sex without condoms (often using alternative methods of contraception) were less depressed than those using condoms.
* Numbers of reported suicide attempts were proportional to consistency of condom use (less consistent use was associated with fewer suicide attempts).
* For those not using condoms, depression scores increased with the time since they last had sex.
Women having sex
without condoms were less depressed than those
using condoms. Well, that's a surprise. Before sex they don't have to fuck around (No pun intended) with pieces of plastic and during sex they don't have to feel pieces of plastic moving around inside of them... these incredible perverts could have had the same results from a survey at an Ann Summers store, for the love of Odin.
Numbers of reported suicide attempts were proportional to consistency of condom use. Less consistent use was associated with fewer suicide attempts... well, I'm looking at this from a scientific standpoint here and just don't understand this. It's a direct contradiction to the first, yet it makes more sense! Think about it! People who don't fuck with plastic bags get whiny little baldy bastards! It's obvious!
But imagine this, though. You receive a letter through the post describing this examination and notice it calls for "Depressed mothers who have attempted suicide at least once before. Being a mother is not mandatory as we need both mothers and bitches who fuck with Johnny.". The first thought to cross your mind is: "My God! This sounds like me!" and then you debunk it as bullshit until you turn it over and realise it says: "£50 for all participants." and before you know it, you're booked in for Tuesday afternoon. The questions you're asked follows like so:
1. Are you a parent?
1a. How many children do you have?
1b. Have you ever considered having children?
2. Have you ever attempted suicide?
2a. How many times?
2b. Why not? Become an hero.
3. How active is your sex life?
4. Do you have sex with or without a condom?
5. Are you depressed?
6. Would you like the £50 or the Mystery Box?
Seriously, imagine that. "Have you ever attempted suicide?" followed by "Do you fuck with a condom?". It could only happen in real life.
For those
not using condoms, depression scores
increased with the time since they last had sex. We're beyond the realm of regular people and into the 'Catholic Zone', or CZ as I like to call it. What that means is that they sinned when they
decided to have sex. They sinned when they
had sex, and to add insult to injury they sinned
even more when they did it
without a condom. I mean, shit, God is going to fucking smite their arse now, right?
Now, I'll close this rather perverted topic with the following exerpt:
The authors also consider different ways of testing the hypothesis further - all of which would probably require much more work in convincing an ethics committee. In fact, this may well be one of those situations where the intrusive nature of a more conclusive study is just not warranted when balanced against the potential gain in knowledge.
Fucking
LIES.
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Some of you may be aware that I currently attend a rather expensive dumpster known as 'Newcastle College' and some of you might even be privileged enough to attend said dumpster with me! If you just go there and don't know me: You fucking fail. End yourself.
If you
do attend Newcastle College (Mainly the Performance Academy), you'll know about an infamous teacher by the name of Phil Poolan. Well, I was on the bus with a girl who I'm on the same course with and we started laughing at Mr. Poolan's expense, you know, because that's what you're supposed to do. Anyway, we decided to compile a list of humorous quotes said by him over the course of last year and some humorous actions (Though she'll never admit it, she was touching him up under the keyboard. She's a
dirty whore!). I decided to indulge further into this matter and immediately decided it would be a great idea to chronicle his life, as it were. And so it shall be!
I aim to write a chapter a week (Starting from whenever I can be bothered to begin) and once the chapters have been completed, then we shall move onto the quotes and actions. "But why are you doing this, Thump, O Mighty One?", why did you need to ask? Because we really don't have anything better to do.
So without further ado....!
*vanishes*
